Greetings and welcome to season 9. Season 8 went alright didn’t it? Our highest ever finish of 13th was coupled with victory in the Cup Winners Cup. How do you improve on that?

As ever, it’s freebies or nothing.

I’m pretty sure Powell is McManaman but I might be wrong. I’ve not been able to put an original to any of the others.

It wouldn’t be the Academy without a departure. Luca Zerman seems to have caught the eye of Serie A whilst on my bench and away he goes to Napoli.

Our Cup Winners Cup triumph not only means we’ll get the chance to defend it but we’ll also compete in the European Super Cup. Woo for that.

There’s a mixed time for the Scots.

Incidentally a third Scot, George Graham, takes the Man Utd job. But that matters not to me. We’re preparing for the start of another tilt at not being terrible. It’s back to 2-3-1-2-2 until I inevitably head for the hills and a safer formation.

Another great start.

The trip to Everton is no picnic either. They are at least a good team so losing 3-0 is…like a win?

We do at least get our first points of the season when Sunderland visit. Rory Gallen (Irwin) bends in a beauty of a free kick (in text form) and the win is ours.

It’ll be a Belgian assignment to begin our CWC defence. I think it  could be worse.

We even take the lead against Aston Villa but once captain Colomba goes off injured it’s all downhill from there.

A get out? I mean I’d love to but…no.

We celebrate my loyalty with a gritty 1-0 win at Middlesbrough. Lovely Tony Hool getting the goal.

He’s at it again 10 days later as we avoid our usual defeat to Arsenal. Lopez scores, as normal, but a point will probably do.

The entire team is changed for the visit of Cercle Brugge and I’m nearly left with egg or Belgian waffle on my face as it’s 0-0 for a long time. Mark Woods though comes up with the goods and we’ve got a lead to take to Belgium.

Old Trafford next and at least my team is rested. We are battered but hang on in the game until Billing equalises with 9 minutes to go. An exceptional point.

Unfortunately, Heritage is injured for the trip to Crystal Palace and all my other goalkeepers are even worse. Hawkes, who always scores against us because I make the Chesney Hawkes gag every time, helps himself to a hat-trick.

See we actually more than matched them. A goalkeeper makes all the difference.

A home defeat to Newcastle does little to help our league position. Conceding to Andreas Andersson never helps.

We get to don our rarely worn away kit for the Brugge away game. It’s a dull encounter that effectively ends as soon as Da Rold gets our away goal.

Stromsgodset in the next round. We’ll hopefully have too much for them.

We’re even looking well placed to get a rare win at Wolves but after missing a glut of chances, we pay the ultimate price. Boo.

The International break gives us chance to take stock of what has been a very average season. When we return…we lose 1-0 to newly promoted Derby.

NO! NOT LITTLE DUNC!

He hasn’t scored this season, so although I’ll miss him he has been useless this season. Thanks for scoring four against Marseille though.

Off we go to Norway and a great performance is soured by yet another late goal. McCallum has been coming on well in various loan spells so it’s good to see him get his first goal. We’re in a strong position to advance.

There’s nothing quite like form so McCallum retains his place for the visit of Barnsley. They’re 19th (we’re 18th) so we could do with winning. It turns into a tennis match and McCallum gets a hat-trick. That’s a new one.

We then go through in the pointless cup. That’s less significant but a wins a win.

Sadly that brief run of joy ends with a 2-1 loss at West Ham.

Will you find us in the top half? Obviously not.

In fact, we’re back in the bottom 3. Once again, our defence is the worst in the league. I’ve missed these days.

If we can just find a couple of wins…or anything…that would help. Still, at least we aren’t Barnsley. Please do join me next week to see if we can put lipstick on this pig and move up the table.

Graduates

There are too many graduates to keep tabs on so every episode I’m going to pick just one to update you on.

This week I’ve picked Jeff Brazier. He played 62 times for the Academy from 1997-99, scoring 9 goals. Since then, he played in the Premier League for Bolton before dropping down many levels to play for Hartlepool. He then briefly turned up at Middlesbrough but has stayed local at 2nd Division York. Verdict: Should never have left.