One more time, celebrate and dance for free….with Deano.

We’re here for the trial. Japan vs Dean Smith

Let’s examine his honours so far

• Div 3 Champions
• Auto Windscreen Shield winners
• Div 2 Champions
• Div 1 Champions

Tidy enough. But hardly anything to write home about.

The Leyton Orient squad is ageing. The way the government see it, he’s got 2 seasons to save his British ass or it’ll be fishing for sushi for the rest of his days.

The court is adjourned. We’ll be back in 2 years-time. Smithies got work to do.

Season 2000-01

Recruitment:

Sri-tong – in. He’ll come in handy later.

But Bjorn retires. Sigh.

But I’ve got a five-pound free bet on that Bjorn’s regen name will make you smile a little bit

Lol.

After a few games we aren’t scoring enough goals, so we make a tactical switch.

It may seem conventional, but I’ve never played this formation before. It seems to be the go-to for many. And it brings a freshness and more goals to the party.

I’ve sold Bjorn’s regen with a plan to buy him back later

Why not just loan him? Because I find players develop quicker this way.

The league is going well. We win away at Old Trafford.

And we’re top after 20 games

In the League Cup, we’re dumped out of the Q Finals away at Chelsea

It’s an exciting title race

Which is the only thing that we have to play for this season as we’re knocked out of the FA Cup Q Final at home to 10-man Sunderland.

If I can have a dig at them, then I have to be man enough to take it back. The Mackem’s celebrate.

I don’t really hate Sunderland. I’ve got better things to do with my time. Like write blogs about a 25-year-old computer game. Hmm, perhaps I haven’t.

The title race is going to the wire. We smash Liverpool.

Jiang is injured though so now seems like a good time to bring back a more-developed Bjorn. We’ve got money to take the hit.

Shearer comes into the team and helps us in the league.

But in the end, it’s not enough. We secure 2^nd spot on the final day.

Not a bad season at all, but ultimately no trophies.

Season 2001-02 – Final Season, last chance

Recruitment:

This Thai guy looks useful, albeit we overpay at £4.7m

E.Honda’s Kidderminster feeder club has finally proved not to be a complete waste of time.

And this is a striker I’ve had my eye on for a while. He’s been ripping it up at Brondby and is now on a free. Welcome Takagi

Champions League Qualifiers vs Dinamo Tblisi. We sneak through against the Georgians on away goals.

Kind of wish we hadn’t though because look at this for a draw.

Would have preferred the UEFA

We beat Milan at home but that’s about as good as it got for us in Europe.

No European trophy that’s for sure.

We really need to win something this year or Smithy’s fucked. We start off the League Cup with a good win at Stamford Bridge. And beat Spurs in the Quarters. Norwich in the Semi’s are brushed aside.

However, Chan’s blog is over. He’s sent back to the Singaporean Armed Forces where he faces hard labour in chains for the rest of his days. As soon as his pelvis is up to it.

Poor bastard. Anyway, we’re progressing nicely in the FA Cup too. Coming through a tough draw away at the Toon. And another bitch of a draw away to Liverpool in the Quarter Final.

League Cup Final – Man City

It’s our first visit to Wembley since the Windscreen final all those years ago. This is how they line up. City didn’t know it at the time, but they had a very important set of cock n balls at right wing-back.

We’re 2 behind after 7 minutes but manage to pull it back. It’s 3-all at full time then Bridges wins it for them. His teammates call him The Dude.

I call him a prick.

We’re miles behind in the league. The only thing left to play for is the FA Cup.

Back to Anfield again and it’s another tough draw against Villa. Again, we go 2 nil down, but claw our way back for a replay.

The replay goes our way and we’re going back to Wembley again for one final chance!

It’s Spurs in the final. Will come onto them shortly

I mentioned we were way off in the league this season. 7^th in the end.

Ross Bell will be happy.

FA Cup Final – Tottenham

So, it all comes down to the FA Cup final with Spurs. Sounds like a tough draw again doesn’t it. Well, it isn’t. I was surprised to see Spurs languishing in the bottom half of Div 1.

This must be Dean Smith’s time. This is how they line up. Some decent players in there to be fair.

But there’s no stopping us this time. Sritong-GET-IN!

Natigol! Cup winners at last. Dean Smith lifts the trophy in front of the Queen.

The board are delighted, and we take that good mood and the FA Cup back into the Japanese court room.

• You do well Dean Smith. But we demand trophies. Tropheeeez. Plural.
• “I did win trophies. The FA Cup. And the Windscreen Shield.”
• WINDSCREEN IS NOT PROPER TROPHY! No. no. You have one more mission. We host World Cup next week. Do nation proud and we let you go.

The 2002 World Cup is in Japan. Dean Smith is captain. But this is out of my control. I’m not the manager of Japan, Johan Cruyff is.

Let see how they get on.

World Cup 2002 – Group Stage

Japan sees off the mighty Argentina. Good start.

Then they make mincemeat of Tunisia

The flapping heads of Canada also take a beating. Top of the group.

Round of 16 – South Korea

A co-host derby. Bjorns regen gets the MOM

Quarter Final – France

Surly it’s over now. Wait. What! Unbelievable. Dean Smith scores the winner. Hero!

Semi Final – Holland

Can they go all the way?

No. The much-maligned Kluivert wins it for Holland and the journey is over.

Italy win the pointless play-off and Japan finish 4^th.

But it matters not. The team are heroes and Dean Smith is the toast of Japan.

On the celebration stage the masses begin to cry as Dean Smith is told he is free to go back to the UK.

Smithy grabs the mic….

…And takes a breath…

• I’m not leaving.

Murmurs begin. What did he say?

• I’m not leaving.

What?

• I’M NOT LEAVING!

A Nation celebrates again!

But Mrs Smith is raging.

I’m not staying in Japan!

Dean Smith tries to cool her down

• How can I leave after this? I’m a nobody back in Blighty but here I’m a hero. I’m sorry. I want a divorce. I hope you’re not upset.

“You’re divorcing ME? And ME being upset…. Hahaha…. Don’t flatter yourself orange-balls it’s a relief. I’ve been cheating on you for years you soppy cunt.”

THE END.