Bom Dia and happy Red Nose Day to you! It’s Friday, and what better way to round the week off than by catching up with Nick and his Wolves from Portugal. They’ve made a fantastic start to season eight, but have they peaked too soon? Here’s the Molineux Akela himself with the latest…

I couldn’t really have asked for much more last week if I’m honest, but as we’ve seen time and time again during 28 years of playing this beloved game, your good form can instantly turn on its head, so I just pray we can keep it up. Let’s f*cking go…

First up this week are Leeds. It’s an uneventful affair, and although they go close a few times towards the end, we hold on, and a point a piece is probably a fair result in the end…

Colchester have made their way up to the top flight from Division 3, and they don’t half give us a game, as it ends in a double Desmond. We have to play 20 minutes with 10 men, so it’s not a terrible result all things considered…

We look to be heading for a third frustrating draw in a row at home to Everton, but The Boa snatches all 3 points from The Toffees with the last kick of the game to get us back on track…

Abel Xavier seemingly extends our winning run to 2 games against Sheffield United, but Graham Fenton has other ideas, and we have to reluctantly settle for a single point again…

As first FA Cup games go, we couldn’t have wished for a much harder one if we’d tried…

A few days later we face The Blades again, this time at home in the League Cup, and we look to have booked our place in the next round until they equalise in the last minute and then win it in extra time just to take the p*ss…

We go ahead and then fail to hold onto a lead for the 4th time in 5 games against Arsenal, with Danny Cadamarteri becoming the latest player to join the ever-growing c*nt list…

There are no immediate signs of recovery at Leicester, where we go behind early, and although we equalise twice, two late goals from The Foxes hand us our first league defeat in a while. I guess I can’t complain too much.

But this however, I really can complain about. Huddersfield are rock bottom, and hadn’t won a game until we decided to be charitable and help them out of their rut. They can get Bent…

So here’s a quick update at the halfway stage. Despite what has seemed like an abysmal run of results, we’re still 5th, so let’s hope we can get it together for the 2nd half of the season and see some better performances and results.

But if we are to start playing better, it will be without one of our star men. For f*ck sake…

But then, I notice that this beautiful man has had enough of sitting on Barcelona’s bench and fancies a bit of us. I’ve never parted with £2m so quickly, and although I might not get much of a tune out of him at 32 years old, I feel he’s more than worth the gamble…

King Luis instantly endears himself to the Molineux faithful by scoring against Villa, but sadly his goal isn’t enough to save us from a third defeat on the bounce as we continue our descent down the Premiership table…

Our other man on the score sheet against Villa, Pedro Torrão goes from hero to zero as he gets himself sent off at the end of a miserable afternoon on Merseyside as this year’s FA Cup campaign lasts just 90 minutes…

For less than a minute I think that we might finally be about to turn the corner at Old Trafford, but that turns out to be a schoolboy error, as Giggs and one day Forest legend, Jean-Claude Darcheville put us to the sword…

After Bolton condemn us to a 6th consecutive defeat, the alarm bells start to ring, and the board start to ask themselves whether it might be time for a new leader of the Wolfpack…

A timely point finally arrives at Craven Cottage, as we twice battle back from behind to grab a draw. Could an ageing Luis Figo do for me what a young Mark Robins once did for an under-fire Sir Alex Ferguson back in 1990?

If I was excited by signing Luis Figo, then this handsome b*stard has taken me over the edge. Like Figo, he’s 32, and was also warming the Barca bench and comes in for the same fee of £2m. Can these two beasts save my job and help rescue this rapidly-declining season?

The immediate signs are positive, as we come from behind to get a first win in 11 games to avenge the FA Cup defeat on Liverpool. It’s a good start to a turnaround if nothing else…

But I knew getting excited would be a mistake, and the following week we fail to find a way past The Owls, who quite frankly couldn’t give a hoot about the dire situation that we’re in…

Rounding off this week’s action is a visit to one of my least-favourite teams, Coventry. The usual scenario of us being wasteful in front of goal and Hedman playing out of his skin plays out, and it’s another disappointing draw…

I’ll be honest, signing Figo and Rui Costa were the only highlights in an otherwise miserable week that has seen us slide from 2nd down to 8th in the table, coupled with the board now considering my future as manager. Yay.

So that brings this week to a close. Join me next week for the season finale. Will the combined experience of Figo, Rui Costa and João Pinto help us salvage something from the wreckage? Or will I be sacked before we even reach the last game? Find out next week. Adeus!