Last time I left you Darlington were just starting to tiptoe into the upper echelons of the league. As we tick into 2004, amazingly we’re still in and around, but we’ve added to the squad and we’re stronger than ever. Elsewhere, there are only 2 countries represented in the last 4 of the Champions League and Man Utd address their debt issues.

First off though some managerial news. This is a bit of a coup!

This is not.

Why do Leicester need a manager? Well, they sacked poor old Martin O’Neill

He was so heart broken, he took the Spurs job 2 days later.

Happy New Year. Spurs are a bottom half Division 1 club these days, so a re-building job for old jumpy Martin. Joining Spurs in the bottom half of division 1 are Sunderland, so they sack Ray Harford

They appoint Ex England defender Mark Wright who quit Spurs in the first place to start this whole chirade. Meanwhile in the Premier League, West Ham haven’t been as good this time around and Nev quits

West Ham nick Peter Reid, who has done a good job at Palace to be fair

Palace appoint Ray Harford, obviously thrilled by the great job he did in the North East.

Speaking of which, look who I’ve lured to Darlington

Amazingly he turned down several others to make the switch. We have arrived!

Everton however go one better

Whilst Barcelona get an Englishman across to Spain

Leeds are going through a rough patch in the league but they’ll be happy with their Champions League campaign, knocking out the might Ajax on away goals

Liverpool, who have crawled up the table to safety are also in the Semis, joining Spanish superpowers Barca & Real. The draw throws up two all country clashes.

Interesting! Real actually look set to win La Liga for the first time in this game, Barca have won 6 in a row.

There’s no Southport in the FA Cup semi finals, but Chelsea will be licking their lips at the draw.

I’m sick of the sight of Chris Waddle’s Burnley, who you may recall where my enemies a few years back. Hope Sheff Wed batter them, they are his former employers so hopefully they’re sick of him too.

It’ll be a Man City/Wolves final in the League Cup, Division 1 Derby & Luton beaten over two legs.

City & Wolves are both top half Premier League teams so not too much of a shock.

Man Utd’s crippling debts result in a fire sale. Ironically, it’s Leeds who take advantage

They also sign World Cup winner Sunday Oliseh, so they mean serious business.

This, however, makes me very sad

I can’t explain this

So let’s finish on a high with a great Haslam moment. Happy Valentine’s Day Fergie!

The tables make decent reading too

Man Utd selling those players on deadline day will hopefully end their charge. I’m looking for a UEFA Cup place now, that’ll be a huge step forward for us.

Matt Le Tissier’s work at Arsenal has been less than stellar, they’re in serious trouble. Stoke and Leicester still have a chance, though Leicester appointed David Wetherall so probably not that much of a chance.

With that disparaging David Wetherall comment, I’m calling time on this update but I do hope you’ll join us for the finale of this season, there’s even Euro 2004. Here’s England’s group

Until next time…

The summer of 2003 has come and gone, and right from the outset clubs are trying to outdo each other in who can make the most ridiculous signing. I’m in on it too, and it’s been a pretty interesting start to the 03/04 campaign. Shall we?

Firstly, a man who has had plenty of jobs in the 6 completed seasons so far will have no more, as Jack Charlton has retired from management

Boro go for Peter Beardsley as playaer manager – yes, Pedro is still playing despite being 42.

I’ve been eyeing up his re-gen for a while but now it seems less likely to find him unless he gets sacked before the season is out. We live in hope.

More importantly, Boro’s neighbours the mighty Darlington have another stadium expansion

So the stadium is now three times the size it was back in 1997. We’ve got some extra money now as the people of Darlington pack out our stadium, so it’s a veritable feast of signings

Sansome is a right back/wing back, Haslam is a legend from V1 of this blog, Robert Page is my go to guy and Ayew is the re-gen of Japhet N’Doram. It’s the strongest side I’ve had with Darlo, which sort of goes without saying.

Meanwhile, let the loyalty fade away…

Barca raid Everton for one of the top players in the game

Not satisfied with raiding just one Merseyside club, they also take Robbie Fowler from Liverpool

Everton get my former play Alex Notman from Celtic as a replacement

Whilst Liverpool go for another of my former players

Here’s the best of the rest of the transfers around the world

Community XI Goalkeeper Landreau being used as bait by Real Madrid. Sacrilege.

Anyway the curtain raiser is here and it’s the rather unusual matchup of Leeds vs Southport. Leeds will fancy revenge after the FA Cup final humiliation.

What can you say? Southport win the Charity Shield on pens. All the while, they have a Division 2 campaign to get underway. They’re still in the Cup Winners Cup too, and hold a slight advantage in their second round tie

Things are going well for Darlo too, so much so we’re actually 4th. We’re functional rather than brilliant but that’s fine by me. Guillherme, Ayew and Olivero are the stars and if we can finish in the European places, we’re ahead of my target. Good times.

Somebody having less of a good time is Brian Little, who has been sacked.

He’s replaced by the recently retired Liam Daish. I know, right?

Something I forgot to mention last time is Newcastle’s plight. After sacking Ince, David Batty came in as player manager and…got them relegated to Division 2. Sitting 19th in Division 2, he’s sacked too.

WBA appoint Batty shortly afterwards, obviously not put off by his failure. Newcastle meanwhile appoint…Peter Smith?

Smith starts the game as a player at Brighton, but it’s rough time for the Magpies.

Our new found form is underlined by this result

All of which leaves the table looking like this:

Everton look to get their title back whilst defending champions Leeds are down in 8th. We’re the surprise package up in 4th and I doubt we’ll finish there, but it’s enjoyable so far. Villa sacking Little seems rough with them being 9th.

Meanwhile Liverpool’s plight is the big talking point, big problems for Roy Evans. Anybody from 13th down looks in a fair amount of trouble.

So that brings you up to date with the happenings. It’s been the usual mix of crazy events but I’m hoping we can keep this going. Until next time..

It’s the end of the 2002/03 season and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, the game has yet again gone to ridiculous lengths to show me something I haven’t seen before. So, can Gerry win the treble? Or will somebody spoil the party?

League Cup

Everton take the first trophy of the season with a thrilling win.

Palace have enjoyed a few good cup runs and this is another, but just a game too far.

FA Cup

The semi final line up is one of the strangest ever, and Leeds are obvious favourites

Southport taking out Fulham works even more for Leeds, and so Division 2 Southport stand between Gerry Francis and FA Cup glory.

WAT. Forget about it, Southport join Nigeria in the list of ridiculous winners. Southport are 10th in Division 2, so they’ll be playing in the Cup Winners Cup whilst playing in the Windscreen Shield next season. There are no words.

Leeds might not be able to beat Southport, however…

Champions League

Porto do a number on Real Madrid and so Leeds will battle another Port in the final.

So there you have it. Southport > Leeds > Porto. Southport are managed by Steve Gritt, I’ve made the obvious pun already but feel free to write your own. Lazio win Serie A, whilst Barcelona win La Liga for the 6th consecutive year.

So with the the other cups decided, I’m pleased to say Darlo have survived, Premier League football will be coming to Feethams for a third consecutive season. It wasn’t pretty but 15th achieves my target and now we’ll build for a brighter tomorrow (#cringe)

The real excitement comes at the top of the table, where with one game to go, Gerry is on the verge.

Southall hasn’t managed to hold it together but Roy Evans’ Liverpool have had a great run. The final day fixtures are tricky for both teams

So Leeds just need to win at Villa Park. Brian Little vs Gerry Francis. Liverpool themselves have a tough trip to Chelsea

Gerry! At the double. What a day for the mullet. It would have been a treble if it wasn’t for pesky Southport. Remarkable.

Chelsea beat Liverpool anyway so it was all academic. Arsenal down in 11th is enough for them to sack Ray Harford

It’s been over for a while for Wimbledon, but Blackburn & Fulham join them in relegation. Coventry, still under the watchful eye of Kevin Keegan and including Andrea Pirlo are promoted along with Leicester. The playoff final is between 3rd placed Sunderland and 5th placed Burnley. However, on the morning of that game…

Le Tiss walks out of a Wembley date and over to Highbury. All very odd timing.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Sunderland are beleagured and lose heavily. They appoint Ray Harford a few days later.

All that’s left then is this season’s awards

The wonderfully named Guy Wolf takes European player of the year. Francis & Keegan taking the manager awards, Galactic Keegan will be so proud. Meanwhile, David Johnson: Golden Boot winner.

So as the game works through it’s updates, I’ll bid you farewell. Join us next time, won’t you?

As the game ticks round to March 2003, the start of a new era is well and truly underway. Except managerial heroes such as Gerry Francis, Neville Southall and Brian Little are the new era, and it’s really bloody weird. Anyway, here’s what’s gone down since the last update.

I was giddy at a league cup quarter final, but the reigning league champions Everton have put paid to that particular dream.

Coventry also won at Man Utd, but their run ends in the Semi Final

Everton will be strong favourites in the final. Unless of course Palace carry the spirit of the mighty Southport

Inexplicable. Meanwhile, I drew Arsenal and there was never any likelihood of me repeating the heroics of last year

Southport however, are one game from Wembley

It’s not the strongest FA Cup semi final line-up but Leeds and Gerry Francis must be licking their lips.

Meanwhile at Darlo, we’re just about keeping our heads above water. There’s been a large changeover in personnel as I strive to bring in a better quality of player, the best being Darren Eadie

I must also mention Dave Oakes, who is actually the re-gen of Paul Gascoigne. He’s very young but so was Gazza at Italia 90, so I’m pinning my hopes on him. Everton and Liverpool activated the release clause on Brazil and Townsend, which was a shame. It leaves the squad looking like this:

Assuming we stay up, which you’ll see later is very much on the cards, we can build further in the summer and try and become a top half team. Slowly but surely, we’ll get there.

Meanwhile there’s mixed fortunes for the English sides in the Champions League

Everton had a tough draw but Leeds keep flying the flag, though they have to tame Ronaldo.

Meanwhile, another great advert for loyalty

And another

Something else I’ve discovered is that Man Utd are ruined. Here’s their financial situation:

Just the £6.5m of debt. But look at the contract situation!

If I can get Shearer to Feethams…

Anyway, as ever we’ll end with the tables.

It doesn’t look like Man Utd will be returning to the Champions League, so that debt situation may yet continue. Everton aren’t going to retain their title as Neville Southall’s West Ham are battling Gerry Francis’ Leeds. I turned down the West Ham job remember…

Wimbledon’s defence is looking good. They’re all but gone. Blackburn and Stoke are still scrapping, but I have a nice 13 point cushion with 8 games to go for some of the sides below me. Just a win or two to guarantee our safety.

Is Gerry going to do the treble? With Emile Heskey leading the line, it wouldn’t surprise me. Join us next time to find out

After the madness that was the 2002 World Cup, I’m not really sure I’ll ever recover. Be that as it may though, we’ve got a season to get on with so let’s do just that.

Everton are the reigning champions but Man Utd aren’t happy about it and want their title back. So it becomes a sign-off

Nice and controversial. Everton go one better…

Yes it’s the famous Icelandic DM/FC who is always amazing as a re-gen. Lucky Everton.

Man Utd sign England’s best forward. So…

Everton bring in a Brazilian international to run the midfield. How bloody good was Celtic’s team!? Anyway, Everton aren’t done and want the honourable JC

At this rate, Everton are going to be very good for a long time.

Barcelona clearly getting nervous

Whilst Real Madrid need counselling

The season starts with the Charity Shield as always and it’s first blood Everton.

Yes, all that talent and Christian Dailly is captain.

Some movements on the continent

What’s Italian for merry go round?

Enough of that, Auxerre are busy too

For real madness though, I’ll stick close to home

Well, I know you’re all wondering, “Who can possibly replace Paul Ince?” and of course the answer is, absolutely anybody with a pulse. Even David Batty

That could be fun. They’re 23rd in Division 1 as it stands.

At nearby Darlington, goals are short so I’ve gone mental and signed plenty of players.

Previously, this would have bankrupted us but in the modern day, we’ve doubled the size of Feethams

So we can afford 11 Darren Eadie’s. Or maybe half a dozen at least. Our form is chequered but we’ve saved our best for the League Cup

We’re in the last 8! Of the pointless cup. But still, we’ve got the champions in the Quarters

The league form is not quite as good, but I’m aiming for 12th-15th, so maybe things will be ok.

Gerry Francis battling Brian Little at the top of the table, these are great days to be a manager. Man Utd and Everton’s big spending has them in the mix but a little bit back in the field.

Wimbledon have sacked Fashanu, which is disgusting. After all he’s done for them, and Galdiators, it’s a disgrace. I’ve also ruined Man City with that FA Cup semi final defeat, hopefully they remain broken.

So as we enter the bleak winter months, Darlington will need to improve on their paltry 9 league goals. Hasselbaink has been terrible incidentally. Join us next time to see if Gerry Francis really can win a league title, becoming the first mullet to win the Premier League.

We’ve got a multi-horse race that rivals the grand national and a World Cup on the horizon. The 2001/02 season is coming to a thrilling end, so let’s get straight into.

I’m delighted to say Darlington will be playing Premier League football again next season. It wasn’t easy but in the end we survived with 3 games to go. Erik Nevland’s 17 goals were a big factor. With an FA Cup semi final to come also, it’s turned into a decent season for Darlington. Before all that though, let’s hand out some silverware.

League Cup

Two of the leagues better sides go head to head and in an entertaining game, it takes extra time to separate the two sides:

It’s Man Utd who prevail, despite missing Shearer & Keane, so captain….Kieron Dyer lifts the trophy.

FA Cup

The Semi finals were Darlington’s time to shine

Twitter follows will have already seen the FA Cup Final Live Text but feel free to take another look at it now!

For those who don’t like to read lots though, here’s the result:

But the one Man Utd really want, is the Champions League

Champions League

Well tough.

PSG do a job on Man Utd and Barcelona do what they always do and it’s a slightly different final, but a classic nevertheless

Barca win it with 10 men in extra time, a sickener for PSG.

Barcelona also win Serie A, whilst Juventus take Serie A glory.

Premier League

So as I mentioned earlier, Darlo were safe with a few games to spare

As you can see, Spurs, Coventry & Derby have already taken the plunge. But the top of the league is much more exciting.

When I left you last time, there were 6 teams in with a realistic shot at glory. With 1 game to go, that number is down to 2.

Leeds can still steal that all important Champions League spot. And would you believe it, it’s Leeds vs Chelsea! Whilst Everton go to West Ham.

It’s a terrible day for Chelsea, down to 3rd and no title. Everton win the league. Discuss.

So as the curtain comes down on another great domestic season, it’s time to put all of that behind us and focus on the World Cup in Japan (sorry South Korea).

Firstly, that all important England squad

I’ve always said, Neal Ardley is England’s best ever uncapped player. With Unsworth and Broomes in at centre back with big Sol, the sky is the limit for the Euro 2000 runners up.

Up first, it’s the Germans

Captain Ian Walker inspires a 0-0 draw. Not a bad result really, with Bosnia and Egypt to come

For crying out loud, what are you idiots playing at!? England have to beat Egypt to have any chance

That goal came after 83 minutes. Good grief. England are through though

In fact, here’s all the groups

Italy and Germany bow out. Hosts Japan are a massive disappointment.  Northern Ireland join Brazil in the next round, whilst Wales manage a win over Chile but it’s not enough. Last 16 is still very strong

The Dutch will surely be too strong for a very bland England

Phil Neville having a David Platt moment. Where did that come from!? Also, where did this come from?

So, here’s the final 8

Brazil must be strong favourites to at least make the final. England have a tough run in, as you’d expect

Too tough, as it turns out. Poor Mark Ford.

Spain vs France is massive. Brazil vs Nigeria…well. Well indeed.

An African nation in the World Cup final! Not even the second half introduction of Doriva could inspire Brazil. Meanwhile in the other semi final

An own goal from Revault who goes on to get man of the match. Right. Spain vs Nigeria then, anybody predict that!?

I’m gobsmacked. I’ve never seen such an outsider win the World Cup on this game in the 18 years I’ve played it. As Andy Gray would say, forget everything you know about football.

Party in 06 – bet they don’t come to Feethams

All that’s left then is the awards

Shearer a deserved winner but Philip Humphries was Blackburn’s goalkeeper, though Everton have just spent £5m on him. Stig Johansen takes the Golden boot. Obviously.

So, I might never recover from this season, in truth. But eventually we’ll be back with 02/03 when no doubt something will somehow top this for ridiculousness. See you there.