Rob Tait returns with a new concept save. He’s rocked up in the Portugese second division with a plan to build a team of Brazilians. Here’s Rob to explain more.

For some reason Brazilian players don’t seem to register as foreign when playing as a Portuguese team, I noticed this while playing a game as Sporting Lisbon. This got me thinking, could I build an all Brazilian team to conquer the Champions League. I wanted to start from scratch so I chose a division two side, I also wanted to choose a team who played in the Brazilian yellow and blue. In a little twist of CM fate Uniao Madeira fit the bill and also give a nod to another CM legend, everyone’s favourite fictional striker. Uniao has a funny squiggle above the a like this ã, but I’m not inserting a special character every time so, sorry if that upsets anyone, that also goes for any other letter with a special squiggle.

This is the squad and fortunately… I recognise not one…

Of the 22 players I’ve inherited there are;
7 Portuguese
3 Yugoslavians (no longer a nationality but this is 1997)
1 Cameroonian striker who is no Roger Milla
and
11 Brazilians, some of whom look promising-ish.

With half the squad being Brazilian I wonder if Vitor Urbano (the previous manager) had had the same idea, cheers Vitor I’ll take if from here.

So from now on I’m only buying Brazilians to rock that classic Brazilian formation 2-3-1-2-2. I’ve got 450k in the bank and 5 search pages of available targets. I need a centre back, a DMC, some inside wingers (not sure that is a thing) and a striker because you always need to buy a striker or two. I’ve decided not to play a naf Brazilian over a current squad member who isn’t Brazilian, mainly because the only Brazilian keeper who wants to join is rubbish, however as we progress and hopefully improve I will slowly phase the locals out, I’m playing the long game here.

I find a few potential targets, all coming highly recommended through the extensive Madeira scouting network but it seems I can’t sell them my dream.

I’m most upset about Reginaldo, I really like his name and the idea of a geriatric Ronaldo banging in the goals. Never fear, there were some players out there who didn’t know and better.

Young Laelson seems to be the pick of the bunch and I wasted half the budget on him. He’s even got the big club release clause so at least he thinks he’s good. Unfortunately when you spend half the budget on one player the board are then unwilling to let you put him up for loan so he could be off soon.

The end of August rolls round and we are hosting Uniao de Lamas, another Uniao, which google translate tells me means union. This peaks my interest so I google translate Uniao de Lamas and find out the English translation is Mud Union, I guess this could be a sticky tie BOOM BOOM. Uniao Madeira translates as Wood Union. So game one is Wood Utd vs Mud Utd, I’m already enjoying this and there hasn’t even been any flashing ……. text.

The team line up like this, the Keeper is Portuguese, Dragan is Yugoslavian (he’s got a Brazilian Grandma) and the rest all hail from Brazil, 37 year old Serginho adding some experience.

The first game could not have gone any better, Laelson with a hat trick and his strike partner Marquinhos a brace. We are amazing, it can only get worse from here.

Next up is Penafiel away, I know nothing about any of the teams in Divisao de Honra (Division of Honor) which is the Portuguese second division so I have no idea who what to expect from any of the teams we will face.

This result was a tad infuriating as they only had three shots on target, I’m a little worried about the quality of my keeper as it seems his hands might be made of poppadoms.

A week later we host the mighty (they could be, they kind of sound it) Feirense. Oh boy what a game, we are behind then level, then behind again. We jump out to a 5-2 lead and it finally finishes 6-4. Great to score six worrying to concede four after the three we conceded last week.

Torreense welcome us for game four and they probably think they can knock a few in the onion bag based on our defensive frailties and they would be right. Fortunately we seem to be pretty good at scoring as well. Quite the strike partnership is developing but keeper Mario Jorge seems to be quite sh*t.

We need a keeper badly, it really is one of the most important positions in the team. There are about 5 Brazilian keepers in the game and none are interested in coming to Madeira for a holiday let alone playing for Wood Utd. I decide I have to compromise in order to make my vision a reality and I do a player swap. Free transfer Carlos (Portuguese) is in and Roberto is out, It took me a good 6 minutes to justify this to myself.

The Carlos signing is immediately effective as we beat Leiria at home. They had three shots on target and Carlos saved them all so straight away he is 300% better than the last guy.

We follow this victory with and away win at Gil Vicente’s house. Marquinhos and Laelson keep firing them in. I love these two and I can only hope the second tier of Portuguese football is so poorly scouted nobody notices Laelson is a little bit good.

Four wins from four in September gets me manager of the month and I’ve already forgotten about having to sign a non Brazilian keeper.

October sees us welcome Boavista, who I’ve actually heard of and know are good. It doesn’t look like we will be going on any sort of cup run this year. And we won’t.

Boavista shook our confidence and up next is Espinho, which means thorn. They are almost a thorn in our side but we get a little lucky and scrape a victory.

Aves (Birds) are our next opponents and even though they come flying out of the blocks early on the Laelson and Marquinhos are on hand to clip their feathers. I’ll stop now.

I’m a little worried about ‘Ka9l Dragan at the back so go out searching for a replacement, Brazilian this time I promise. Edinaldo Peu looks and sounds the part but he can’t see the Wood Utd from the trees and rejects our advances. Dick.

Nacional are up next and Laelson just can’t stop scoring, it’s also another clean sheet and I decide the Carlos move/swap was definitely worth it. It was a necessary compromise.

Estoril are up next and I see our away kit for the first time, I can live with white and green but it’s not a luck away kit and we can only manage a draw, conceding in the 90th minute.

A second blow mid week when one of the deadly duo, Marquinhos is injured for a month.

Finally to really rub salt in the wounds this happens.

This would have really upset me as a kid and I have a deep and unjustified hatred of Ian Woan. Even in the simulated world Newcastle love to lose a cup tie to lower league opposition

Heading into November and we face Pacos Ferreira who we have no trouble obliterating. Marquinhos’ replacement Junior gets a couple and it’s good to know we have a potential replacement for Laelson if needed.

On that note and because it is a third of the way through the season we will call it a day for now. It’s been a very positive start and we sit a top of the Division of Honor with our front two burning red hot at the moment and nine Brazilians in the starting eleven.

Join me next week to see how the middle of the season pans out and if we can continue the good start.

You can follow Rob on Twitter @Taitanator