Hello! Welcome to the CM9798 Academy, where the teachers have become the masters or at the very least, the champions. Of England. We’ll work on the rest of the world this season.

Season 12 ended in a blaze of glory. All that hard work, selling players and replacing them with free transfers finally resulted in a Premier League crown. We can’t stop there though. We aren’t the ultimate fighting champions yet. Let’s bring in some new blood.

One of the easiest re-gens to find is Ryan Giggs. He’s finally decided to hang up his boots and I’m right there to snap him up.

Shay Given has also hung up his…er, gloves. Seeing as Schmeichel junior can’t catch a cold, he’s more than welcome.

Man City signed Les Lunt from us at the end of last season and they’ve clearly decided that is a winning strategy. First they want Les Heddle, for some reason.

I can’t refuse the bid anyway so Man City can enjoy my reserve centre back.

They also want Alan Lavin who was on loan at Dumbarton last season. Whatever floats their boat, I guess.

Arsenal also table an offer but Lavin has only one destination in mind.

The good news is we’re seeded in the Champions League. That should make our passage easier.

We get to play the Charity Shield, which is a nice treat. We’ve got a full compliment available so here’s how we’ll start this season:

Man City are our opponents but they don’t play any of their acquisitions. Remarkably, we win easily.

Our confidence is sky high to start the league season and newly promoted Sheff Wed are brushed aside.

A real test will come at Old Trafford. Our usual miserable time here is immediately improved thanks to a McCallum hat-trick. He scored 32 goals last season and he’s on 4 already.

He makes it five in the home win against Man City. Alfonso misses yet another pen and I should probably change the taker but it is academic in the end.

We’re 2-0 down against Villa and I worry normal service is being resumed. But we’ve got some new found resilience and we turn that frown upside down. The Scottish Messi again, Albertini’s re-gen and Mcboyaboy make it a memorable day in Birmingham.

That draw is quite reasonable. Rangers look to be our biggest threat.

I hate playing Birmingham because they have Andy Goram’s re-gen in goal and he always gets a 9 against us. Today is no different.

I’m not crying, you are.

The lads are in with a chance of becoming the first Academy players to represent England. That will be a proud day. An equally proud day comes at Stamford Bridge, where we are behind for one minute before we come flying back.

It’s a similar story at home to Palace. A goal behind after two minutes but Alfonso junior sorts it out.

The Champions League gets underway and Feyenoord are our opponents. They are rubbish.

STOP EVERYTHING. We went to Arsenal and didn’t lose.

Tottenham are not very good at defending. 3-0 up before half time doesn’t flatter us and we’re able to take our foot off the gas in the second half. We’re still unbeaten, which is probably some sort of record.

I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that. West Ham are basically our bogey team and we lose to them again.

The toughest game of our Champions League campaign sees us grind out a 1-0 win. I like our new backbone. It’s not like us. Tiny Albertini is coming on well.

Chester are a Premier League club. Who knew? They’re bottom of the league and will remain there after a 4-1 defeat.

Finally McCallum gets the call up to the Scotland squad. They can’t have many better strikers surely?

The England lads didn’t get on in September but a clash with Malta sees the day finally arrive

Darren Eadie junior, the first Academy player to represent England. What a day.

Another early goal conceded but yet another comeback. Nothing phases us.

Malmo arrive and basically reenact Homer Simpson’s boxing career. We are Drederick Tatum to an extent, getting in an early punch but unable to knock them out before Moe arrives to scoop them away. Three points nevertheless.

Remember Little Dunc? He’s at Bolton now and he scores twice in what looks like a losing effort. Then his mate equalises and it’s two points dropped. Little Dunc will always be remembered for that European night when he scored four against Marseille.

The pointless cup is a chance to play the reserves, who can barely get a look in at the moment. They won’t again after this, Division 2 Blackpool cause us no end of problems. Alfonso arrives at 1-1 and he equalises for 2-2 then misses in the shootout. Given junior saves their 5th pen which would have sealed it, then everyone in the world scores until Denis Irwin junior misses. I only sold him to Blackpool a week earlier, so he’s a good lad.

A disappointing defeat at Blackburn sets us back a bit. It was a tight game but they got the decisive first and the second on the break.

We thrash Feyenoord again to retain our 100% record. McCallum moves to 14 for the season.

Through with two games to spare, excellent.

Maybe the reserves will get another go after all.

The league sees us in second. Those dropped points to Bolton and Blackburn shifting us from top spot but we’re well placed. I notice Steffen Iversen loitering in 3rd…

That’s all for this week though, the always important middle update will be the penultimate of the season. The Academy and other saves will be packing up for the summer soon to make space for this summer’s CM9798 Cup so keep an eye on that. Bye for now.