Peter made a great start to season 6 last week so can Alloa keep it going and continue their title challenge? And what of that Champions League group?

“Here we are, picking the first thistle-heads

And saying; When shall we win the Premiership?

Here we are because we have the Blues for our foemen,

We have no comfort because of those Rangers.” – Mei Sheng 140BC.

We strain and we stumble, we fight and we fumble but Rangers, 5 (five) title in 5 (five) season are there again, suspiciously laughing it up with the top brass of the FA. Celtic and the Green Men Hibs are following close behind.

On the other Western Front, we are sitting in 2^nd in our Champions League group after a 4-1 trashing by AC Milan.

Glennie, now a fully grown man after his summer-love heartbreak, puts Aberdeen to the sword.

A nice midweek break to the Moldovan Zim-Bru factory and we’re in no mood to be messed with. McKeown is coming along very nicely on the left wing, He’s worth £3m and I only signed him for free 12 months ago!

Arsenal are struggling and come batting their eyelashes my way. Not even Isabelle Adjani could tempt me away. “Who?” they ask. I’ve embarrassed myself and say no. Thinking it over once the receiver is replaced…maybe she could…

I try to explain the joke to boys but they think I’m weird. Not the best team talk I’ve ever given.

We’re really descending into a bad run of from and Brebs is out of action for 3 months. I shouldn’t have slaged them off earlier.

Surely a match against Man U will turn us around. I switch to a 3-3-1-2-1 and bore the pants of the 11000 that turn up. We nick a goal and I proclaim my tactical genius.

McDaid has recovered and makes only his 3^rd appearance of the season and he scores our 4^th. This puts the Thistles bottom.

Jack The Greens are 3-0 down after 17 minutes but Glennie fails to put the game to bed and we see out the last 13 minute onslaught.

Kluivert, still in his unstoppable phase, pummels in the first 6 minutes. We all nod and applaud at how lucky we are to see the genius at work on our humble soil. I have no idea how we managed to draw that one. We still can’t get to capacity. Jeff Capes, AC Milan…who next to draw them in?

Amazing, we finish top of the group!!! Man U fail to quality.

I should think so. It’s exciting as to who we’re going to play. Barcelona? Ajax? Juventus? Bayern? The exoticism is too exciting to bare…who will we get?

%&&^(&^*$£&&&”*”*%&^&£*”()”)!)!($*%&£(&^”%!$$*^))^&$^£^”%”%%”&$*%

Nice to see UEFA joining the ship of fools along with the FA. I try to calm the lads down and to concentrate on our next match. I examine the calendar….

$(&TY*(£**($Y$*(£Y(*Y(*&£. We have a goal disallowed in the 56th minute. Nothing much to say on this.

We have ANOTHER goal disallowed, This time on behalf of the linesman’s eyesight. We scrape a narrow victory and Christmas can’t come soon enough.

Injuries are the main concern which means volunteers for the Christmas Variety show is low on the ground. My annual turn as ‘Donovan’ prompts the usual questions of “Where’s Kylie?”

Too many Christmas Puds for Steve and he’s stretchered off after 3 minutes. “I think I know how he’s injured” I say to my assistant. “I know. I just saw it.” We scrape another 1-0 victory and we’re not letting Rangers go.

Blimey, no wonder Arsenal wanted me to have the job. They must be regretting not trying harder to entice me to Islington.

Matt doesn’t help his team mates after a rash challenge on McGrath. He feels more ashamed when he looks over at the legend Dele and his bows his head in sorrow. Our front four savage the remaining red men until our sympathy is tickled and we let Dele score a goal.

The result is great form to be taking to the Celtic match. We slip a one-nil victory and that should mean they’re cast loose from our heels.

Dundee also succumb to two rapid fire goals from our net busters.

We’ve switch to the Mohammed Ali tactic by wearing our opposition down in the 1^st half and then to counter with a couple of powerful jabs. Two goals against Hearts are better than one, as Springsteen once sang.

Three goals against Hibs are better than two…as no-one ever sang.

We’re piling through these league matches.

That brings us to the end of this update. Rangers are desperate to get their brown envelopes off to the FA as we’re keeping a close eye on them. Meanwhile Celtic are floating in no man’s land as Dundee and Hibs’ form has collapsed.

Och aye for now!