Good day to you! Welcome back to the FIFTEENTH season of the Retirement Home. Who’d have thought we would get here eh? More to the point, who thought we’d be gearing up for a second consecutive season of European football? Here’s a reminder of how that happened:

First things first and the board are obviously anticipating even more fans of the old lads. I’m annoyed at the odd number, I liked them building on the 9798 element.

To signings then and Sibierski is amazing in the first few seasons. 15 down the line and his stats look good if you ignore pace, stamina and strength.

Ah another goalkeeper. You can’t have too many, remember Danny Coyne left.

Here’s Stian Neset, 37 but released by Newcastle. Just don’t ask him to run but finishing shouldn’t be a problem.

Another goalkeeper! He’ll be 35 when the season starts and I like to have a proper squad about.

Glaucio will turn 35 during the season but everything about him looks good. I love an angry winger and don’t pretend you don’t. Just bizarre stats all round.

The season starts and we look like getting off to our usual slow start until a minute of magic sees Sibi equalise on debut and Paolo “the carer” Zola get the winner. A wonderful minute.

We’ve got a great record at Sunderland in recent times and few could expect Jordi Cruyff to score at his age but here we are. David Trezeguet is making his way towards the Retirement Home so we’ll forgive his equaliser, especially as Solskjaer wins it. Sibi gets a red card for being a nuisance.

What is happening here? Angry Glaucio is sent off with the score at 1-0 but it’s 3-0 by half time. It finishes 4-2, maybe it is time to ask the question if footballers get a second peak.

Our third red card in a row comes at Anfield, who have rather too much for us in the end. Never mind.

Man City are meant to be good. We are better.

Zola sees off Leeds then Leeds see him off for a few weeks. It’s a great result but his loss will be felt.

The UEFA Cup has drawn us with Norwegian side Viking, rather than the Norse people of the past. Norwegian clubs just get stronger as the game goes on so this isn’t a great draw. Nevertheless, Solskjaer sees off the people of his homeland and gives us a chance in the return leg.

Crystal Palace sack Michael Duberry. Naturally, we snap him up. We’re probably shortest at centre back so it’s a good day.

Middlesbrough were champions a few seasons ago but by this stage the game is so open, anybody can win. We equalise for 2-2 and win a penalty where former Boro man Jaime Moreno…blazes over the bar. Sigh.

A rare defeat at Wolves. We’ve done well there in recent times.

Walsall run us very close as well but OGS does what he does best.

Norway is a lovely trip away for the lads and I remind them that if they can get through here even more exotic (and free) holidays can be available to them. An early set back has us worried but once Ole gets the away goal we’re safely through.

Fiorentina! Florence is probably lovely in October. We’ll find out I guess.

Sheff Wed edge past us. They’re still really good.

York however are not having a great time since arriving in the Premier League. They fall foul to his baldness and lovely Zola.

Zola is still banned for this game, I think he got sent off against Arsenal in the semi final last season and UEFA take a grim view of that. His replacement, Kolkka the moomin, gives us the lead before Solskjaer gives us the perfect platform deep into injury time. A good night becomes a great night.

Another narrow home defeat. We should stop those.

We finish with a very harsh League Cup draw away at Man Utd. It’s a tight old affair and Solskjaer gets a red card to undo a lot of his recent form. Anyway it finishes 0-0 and gets to penalties where everybody misses. Except 41 year old Couto. How we ever got promoted on penalties I do not know.

We sit 4th having briefly topped the table along the way. We’ve got a lot to work with here, could it be our year?

Probably not as we’ll remember we are old and tired over Christmas but that’s next weeks problem. Here’s the squad, for those wondering