You can read the previous episode from Deano here.

Recap of Rules & Objectives

• Vinny Jones captain.
• Only players with Aggression 18+ allowed
• Hurt the opposition; fan prizes for sending offs, opposition injuries and total disciplinary points.
• Thug-o-Meter; every CD Dons game is won, drawn or lost on injuries and cards (5 for a red, 3 for an injury, 1 for a yellow). +3 pts for a win, -1 for a draw, -3 for a loss. At the end of the season, I need to be in positive points, or I’ll get the sack.
• Beat +40 on the Thug-o-Meter in Season 2.  
• Spanish FA really don’t want us to get promoted (done) or to win anything, pfft.

I remember being a kid sitting on my nans floor playing with actions figures like He-Man, Thundercats and Visionaries (…VISIONARIES! knights of the magical light! VISIONAIRIES! with magical powers they fight!… sorry.)  My nan would sit in her chair with a cup of strong tea, chain-smoking Superkings watching whatever was on the 4 TV channels at the time. Day in, day out. And this programme would come on now and again..

Eldorado. Eldor-fakin-rado! For those not old enough to remember it. It was soap on BBC that was about Brits living in Spain. It was supposed to be the next big thing to rival Coronation Street and EastEnders. The only problem was it was absolute dogcrap, no-one liked it and it was canned after 1 year.

Fast forward a few years and there’s a new series about Brits in Spain; No, not Benidorm – CD Dons, of course. But unlike the shit-show that was Eldorado, we’ve been commissioned for a second year. Because CD Dons is good? Not particularly. We carry on because we hit +40 on the Thug-o-Meter, of course.

The +40 score doesn’t carry over season to season. The Thug-O-Meter resets to zero as we begin life in La Liga. And we need to better +40 this season to go for a third year.

The Spanish Championship was a joke but there’s no way La Liga can be as bad. Let’s see what we’re up against.

No surprises there. Real Madrid & Barcelona battling out at the top. I doubt whether CD Dons will have the quality to challenge for the title this season. Who cares, we’re just here to kick people really, anything else is a bonus.

It’s pre-season, which means transfer business. Let’s strengthen and clear out some dead wood.

First up we reward Stuart Pearce with a new contract. He was class as the Travelling Keeper last year and picked up his fair share of cards.

Stuart will probably retire before he sees out this contract, but we’ve tied him down for the next 3 years regardless.

We put some bids in. Couto is on the transfer list at Barcelona, I’ll happily take him if we can.

Just a quick mention to Vinny Jones, who is taking his CD Dons form and ethos onto the International stage, leading Wales to a 5-2 win on yellows.

It’s great to see.

Yassine (A-20) signs as well Fernando Couto (A-18).

We sell a few players including Gerry Francis’ love child.

Francis Jr aint good enough for this league and he feels abandoned once again.

Our kitty is swelled by prize money for winning the Spanish Championship.

A whole £44k! Thanks, that’ll barley cover the tattoos.

Awards are dished out. Duncan Ferguson gets top scorer. And wouldn’t you just look at that. Real Madrid, as well as being champions, also pick up the Fair Play award. Ahh that’s lovely. Beautiful football.

Oh, the darlings of Spain. Cringe!

Leandro (A-20) signs from Sporting

And there’s a lovely smell in the air as Stoitckov (A-19) comes to Benalmadena.

The Bulgarian is lured in by the smell of gravy on English roast dinners on the Benalmadena beach front.

aah! Hristo.

We spunk the rest of our transfer kitty on Esnaider (A-20)

I know! £11.75m is a lot of money. But look at these stats

14 yellow cards, 42 disciplinary points. He’s already suspended for 3 games! The CD Dons crowd are going to love this guy.

Time goes quickly and we find ourselves in our first game of the new season. We’re up against Orense in the Kings Cup. Big Dunc smashes Victor in the 25^th minute as we run out comfortable winners.

As you know, an injured player earns one lucky punter their first crap tattoo of the season. Harry want’s everyone to know he drives an Audi.

Shame he won’t let anyone know what lane he intends to change to. But in fairness to German car drivers, their time is more important than everyone else’s, isn’t it? ISN’T IT!

Next, we make our bow in La Liga. This is the team.

What a lovely bunch of bastards. We win this game in the tunnel. Sporting Gijon didn’t know what hit them. We batter them all over the park and run out 1-6 winners on yellow cards.

It’s a massacre.  The Gijon president complains on Spanish Match of the Day. La Liga has never seen anything like it.

It’s two from two in our opening fixtures as a we make a great start on the Thug-o-Meter.

+40 is the target for this season. Join us next week to see how we get on against the big boys. Goodbye for now