Bonjour! French Friday is not a thing, especially as Rob is in Spain with the UnCapticos. It’s a superb concept but are the results equally as good?
We return to the Bernabeu for the second instalment of Lorenzo Sanz’s experiment. The basic gist being, if you want to play for Real Madrid you can’t play for your country. At the end of part one we lost D Hubbs, after scoring 16 goals in 9 games, he decided to captain Italy to a 5-2 defeat. Japhet N’D is so upset at the loss of the Bison he goes out on a massive bender in Madrid and tares a calf muscle while dancing on a table. He is out for three months, not helpful Japhet, not helpful at all, his 9 goal and 9 assists in 13 games will be missed.
Another bit of bad news, Iuliano and Di Biagio get called up to the Italy squad for the World Cup qualifying playoff match so we will have a nervous wait to see if we will be saying goodbye to another two players. We put that out of our minds for now, it’s a Champions League night and Partizan Belgrade are in town. The match doesn’t pose too many problems and despite D Hubbs departure we continue to fire in the goals, although Partizan are probably not the most challenging of opponents.
The next game against Zaragoza sees Georgie and Lardy on the score sheet again as we get another comfortable victory.
For the Copa del Rey I decide that it’s only fair to give some of the B squad a run out, so Mark Atkins, Mick Quinn, David Brown and Franz Carr all get a call up to the first XI. Unfortunately, our opposition Bilbao, are rather better than some second division outfit and the boys are not quite up to the task. David gets a nice 88th minute consolation goal though so it’s not all bad. In hindsight, playing a second XI side against good opponents in a one season challenge doesn’t seem like the best of decisions, ah well we have a second leg to turn it around.
Atkins, Quinn, Brown and Carr get sent back to the B squad to play with Stam, Batigol and Bakayoko, who still haven’t been signed. After the mid-week rest Georgie and Lards score the goals in a convincing win against Merida, we even keep a clean sheet!
The 1st November brings the news that we have been dreading, well half dreading, Di Biagio hasn’t really featured but Iuliano has been class, well, as class as you can be providing cover for a 36 year old Steve Bruce. Luigi plays the whole game for Italy and Mark comes on in the 68th minute they both earn a cap for their country and so are no longer selectable for first team duties. At least Italy won 3-0, unlike when D Hubbs jacked it all in for an injury and a 5-2 loss.
It never rains but it pours, Lee Clark has impressed Glenn Hoddle so much by averaging a solid 7.00 that he gets an international call up. Please don’t do it Lee, despite the jokes I desperately need that solid 7.00. Christophe Revault gets a call up, he’s been a bit hot and cold so it’s not the end of the world, I’ve struggled to find a consistent keeper. Mori and Lardy are the final two who are brought into the international fold. Mick Quinn and David Brown might be getting more game time in the near future.
A Champions League game against PSV next and another couple of goals from Georgie, he has really blossomed since being able to step out of D Hubbs shadow.
Three clean sheets in a row despite central defensive lynch pin Stevie B getting injured for a couple of months. I’m struggling to find decent defenders without international caps so Brucie will be sorely missed. Enjoy being missed Steve, you won’t be once you begin your managerial career.
The November internationals go by, fortunately nobody gets a game, the closest two were Mori and Lardy who were both unused subs in Spain’s 2-0 victory over Northern Ireland. I say to the lads when they get back “If you’re not got going to get some game time in a friendly against Norther Ireland you should just retire from international football, it’s not going to happen for you.”
Learning from my earlier mistake I field as close to a full-strength team as I have for the second leg Copa del Rey match against Bilbao. Fresh from a Northern Irish bench, Mori bangs in a hat-trick as we fall just short of sneaking through on away goals, surprisingly our inability to defend continues to be a thorn in our side.
Iuliano and D Hubbs depart, I can’t believe it’s taken over a month for someone to snap up the Bison. The both leave for Parma in return for a smidgin under £11.5m.
A classic CM result against Celta makes the game look closer than it was, those last nine minutes were nervous, but we hang on for a deserved win. Georgie, Mori and Lardy seem to be the glue holding us together at the moment.
The penultimate Champions League group match is against Sparta Prague. We have as good as qualified so it’s a chance for Mick, David and Franz to have another run out. Franz shows a little bit of sparkle, he may be in contention for a few more games as Raffaele has gone off the boil and I’m struggling to find a good replacement.
After six wins on the bounce, we are brought crashing down to earth when we face Barcelona. Ex Real Madrid star Raul is up top for them. In all honesty we weren’t that bad, but Christophe had a stinker in goal and every shot they had went in. I think winning the League is already out of the question, so our target must be 2nd place.
A week later and another tough result, all was looking good until Darko scores an 85th minute equaliser against the run of play. It is however our first draw of the season.
I’m not sure why I field such a strong team in our final Champions League game, and it comes back to haunt me. TSL scores in a rare start, is he really as good as everyone says, I couldn’t get a song out of him in central midfield.
However, the Norwegian manager clearly watched the game and decided that a goal against Partizan Belgrade qualifies you for a starting position against Kuwait in a friendly so TSL is now looking for a new home. We also say goodbye to Luigi who is off to Turin, joining Juve for a measly £2m. Mori and Lardy are on the subs bench again but still don’t get a game, it’s like Russian roulette watching those two during the international breaks. I do the standard quick check of the squad after the international window and discover Lee Clark has a cap. I didn’t see that news flash up, what’s going on. I check and discover to my horror Christophe was on the bench for France against England, I looked and he didn’t come on but because I loaded up the match screen it didn’t tell me about Lee’s appearance in the news feed, WTF Glenn, I did not need that.
Well as two wise animals once said, “you’ve got to put the past behind you,” so it is onto our next game against Gijon. The defenders put on a show, a couple of goals and a clean sheet. A nice way to finish 1997.
At the end of December Lorenzo informs me/Mr Nobody that he is still please with my performance. January 1st sees the transfer ban lifted, I better get replacing all those international turn coats, I’m looking at you TSL and Clarkie.
The New Year starts less with a bang and more with a wet fart, Georgie gets sent off after 17 minutes against Atletico and it’s all uphill from there, even Brucie’s goal can only bring a flicker of a smile to my face.
TSL heads to PSV for £1M and in come a few lads to boost the squad.
The next two matches are at home against Deportivo and Mallorca. We win both games, Amoroso scores his first goal against Mallorca and angry man Jens Lehmann gets a MOM rating of 9 against Deportivo despite only facing four shots and letting one of them in. I’m not sure he is the keeper I’m looking for, but he is one of the four keepers I have right now, so he will have to do.
With the end of January in sight and the close of the transfer window upon us we push on to get some more names through the door for the final run in. Next to join are these two, they are playing well for their current clubs and they both play in midfield, beyond that I’m not too sure, but I’m limited so they will have to do.
They don’t really make the instant impact I was looking for. This was just one of those games, I knew as soon as they scored, we weren’t getting anything out of it.
I get a few more deals done before the end of January. Balle is a defender, hopefully you have heard of Sean, Frank and Pagey. I missed out on signing Micky Landreau, for some reason he wasn’t interested, which is a shame because he would have gone straight into the first team.
Some of the capped ones make a move to pastures new for the final part of the season. Lee’s off to Real Betis, Baka’s going to CD Logrones and Santiago Denia Santi moves to Real Vallodolid. Stupidly I forgot to take them out of the B squad before they were sold so I won’t see a peseta of that £22m, woops.
The departed and exiled summary table at the end of part two looks like this. Jaap, Bati and Baka are still in the B team, nobody wants them. Looking at Luigi’s numbers I should have played him more. The first seven players gained an international cap in Part 1 with everyone from TSL down got their call up during Part 2.
| Player | Appearances | Goals | Avg. rating | Current location |
| Jaap Stam | 2 | 0 | 7.00 | Real Madrid B (Transfer listed) |
| Gabriel ‘Batigol’ Batistuta | 0 | 0 | 0.00 | Real Madrid B (Transfer listed) |
| Rui Costa | 2 | 1 | 7.00 | Barcelona (£8.5m) |
| Sanchez Fernando | 2 | 2 | 7.50 | Valencia (£11.5m) |
| Santiago Canizares | 0 | 0 | 0.00 | Jaen (£1.1m) |
| Ibrahima Bakayoko | 1 | 0 | 7.00 | CD Logrones (£6.75m) |
| Dario ‘The Bison’ Hubner | 9 | 16 | 8.33 | Parma (£3.9m) |
| Tommy Svindal Larsen | 11 | 1 | 6.81 | PSV (£1.0m) |
| Luigi Di Biagio | 6 | 1 | 7.16 | Juventus (£2.0m) |
| Mark Iuliano | 15 | 2 | 7.80 | Parma (£7.5m) |
| Lee Clark | 23 | 0 | 7.00 | Real Betis (£7.25m) |
| Santiago Denia Santi | 16 | 0 | 6.87 | Real Valladolid (£7.75m) |
To finish it all off, it is starting to look like Lorenzo might have realised this whole thing was a bit of a ridiculous idea. Hopefully Mr Nobody can hang on to the end of the season. I think I know how I could have covered that £21m loss.
