Today, Andrew is back to bring you the first part in a tale of bigglical proportions. Can you win trophies with an ancient old man of Division Three quality playing up front? Is Wayne Biggins the messiah?
Hello there! Welcome back to the home of CM9798, and thanks to Dave for letting me write some more bizarre clap trap to keep us all entertained. So, what is the premise? Well, have you ever heard of Wayne Biggins? During the Blog Squad’s time (well spent time) playing our season of ‘Football League Trophy Manager’, Rob Tait had the joy of finding out he is an absolute underrated gem in CM9798, even at the grand old age of 35.
Ah yes, the premise! So, old Wayne had a rather barren 3 months playing for Lou Macari’s Celtic, however, would you believe it, he’s getting another chance to go on his travels.
We’ll take Wayne to each of the top divisions on offer in CM9798 where we will look to build a team of Galactico’s, in the hope Wayne can lead them to glory.
Part 1: Manchester United & The English Premier League
We needed a hole in the ground to call home. And that home was Manchester United.
And Mr Biggins was agreeable. There and back again? In a day from Stoke no bother! But it was a debut to forget for the old man.
At least the esteemed company of one David Beckham kept him warm. The season opened at Barnsley, and Wayne duly obliged.
Blanks against Coventry and Palace followed. But slowly, we started to build a supporting cast.
Finally, he found his precious and the goals began to flow.
The yellow cards have certainly been more forthcoming. Wayne seems to have a penchant for kicking the ball away in frustration. We have drawn a pretty tough looking Champions League group.
Can Wayne finding his shooting boots against Real Madrid? Firstly, Everton, Bolton and Sheff Wed were all punished by Big Biggins. Unfortunately, Tottenham CAN hit Les.
Poorly, I didn’t capture it, but we beat Real in their away cauldron 1-0 thanks to an 89th minute slammer from Wayne himself. He also helped himself to one against the Toon.
He is now known across Manchester as a hero (sorry Ross).
How the jeff are we getting the best out of old Biggins?
“Give it ‘t Biggins”. I’m sure Denilson didn’t expect to hear that when he signed up. Space to improve still, but the squad is looking sharp.
Following a 0-0 with Blackburn, the inevitable happens.
The man has more disciplinary points than goals to be fair. Loves a bit of kicking the ball away. We pick up a 3-0 win at Leicester and a 3-0 win at PSG in Europe, but it eventually comes crashing down without Big Man Biggins.
We make up for it in the League Cup.
Biggins is back in time for some Champions League action, and boy, this man is unreal. He pops up with the winner to rub it in Raul’s face.
We lose to Arsenal in the league, and Biggio’s luck falls away again:
We cruise on without him, but he is doing fantastic.
We carry on progressing across the board but lose to Coventry in the league which the board see as abysmal. Thankfully, Wayneberto Biggio is back for the FA Cup.
The man is solo winning games for us:
Until the curse of old age temper tantrums come back to haunt us.
It’s his precious, and if you take it off him he’ll kick-off! We win three on the bounce without El Biggio, but he will miss the return leg at home to Bayern in the CL.
The man just cannot control himself. And then the FA Cup is gone, but not for his efforts.
We draw with Chelsea and beat Leeds, so how is old Big Boy doing?
Can we do it at the top level, surrounded by top players? 100%! Bayern are disposed of 3-0, so Biggins will get another turn on the bigginsest stage for now:
The goals are drying up for old Biggins, it takes him another 4 games to grab a goal as his partnership with Ortega is not looking likely to gel.
The idiot will miss 4 of the last 5 league games in the season thanks to his petulance.
43 disciplinary points, have you ever seen it?!? He makes up for it by carrying us through to the Champions League final.
He’ll get the chance to face of against Peruzzi and Juventus. Given his stupid ban, I suspect he will fail to be top scorer:
He puts Arsenal to the sword before saying his goodbyes for 4 games.
We win the league, but Schmeichel and Giggs will miss the end of the season thanks to injuries. Nicky Culkin it is. Juice Biggilo returns for the final game, and has an absolute shocker.
10 shots, no goals. Plop. His Champions League final debut goes similarly. It’s a been a long season for this old man.
Still, a League Cup, Champions League and PL treble is not to be sniffed at. Or finishing the season as Man Utd’s top scorer at the grand old age of 36.
I’d say this first part has been a rip-roaring success. Build a team around Biggins and he delivers. The best Wayne to play for Man Utd ever, probably.
So, there you have it, where will he pop up next? Portugal, Belgium, Holland, Germany, France, Spain, Italy or Scotland? “Wayne, Wayne, wherever you may be, we will follow you so blindly, and we’ll big you up, wherever we may be, ‘cos we are the UNOFFICAL WAYNE BIGGINS FAN CLUB”.
See you soon, peace and love, KOTR.