Hello, and happy Friday! After a longer than expected break from blogging, Nick is back and raring to go again with a brand new adventure, but where is he heading? Here’s the man himself to explain…

Let me start by apologising. I knew it had been a while, but when I checked I was horrified to see that it’s actually been just under two years since my last blog entry! So we must fix that immediately…

After conquering Spain (Basque Boys), Italy (2001: An Ace Squad-yssey) and Germany (A Cock & Red Bull Story), where are we heading next? Well, the title and header image give it away a bit, but in case that went over anyone’s head, we’re heading home to England.

I originally had this idea when Nuno was still manager of Wolves, but nowadays they still have a healthy Portuguese contingent of eight players in their squad, so this idea is still very much relevant. The task is simple – manage Wolves and only sign Portuguese players.

So here’s what I have to work with…

A sprinkling of talent, but in the grand scheme it matters not as they’ll all eventually be replaced by Portuguese alternatives. Jones, Andrews, Roberts, Foley, Ferguson, Robinson and Crowe are all released to make some space, and the rest are all put up for sale.

I do feel for Mr. Wolves himself, Steve Bull, who has so far notched up 291 goals in 505 appearances over eleven seasons at Molineux, but rules is rules, and I need the cash.

Speaking of which, I have £3m to spend, and I’m straight on the phone to the only man for the job when it comes to Portuguese recruitment…

That’s Super Agent, Jorge Mendes in case anyone was wondering, and he immediately sorts me out with eight new additions…

I’ve seen this guy do spectacular things in previous saves but have never signed him, and he’s free, so now’s my chance…

I know nothing about this fella, but he was also free and looks half decent…

Ditto for this lad…

I’ve signed this chap many a time and he’s never let me down, so I’m more than happy to pay Stockport £1m for his services…

No idea, but another free transfer…

Same again…

This man needs no introduction, but hopefully it’s £210k well-spent from Sporting Lisbon…

And this guy will eventually play for Portugal at Euro 2000, so surely he can’t be terrible. He costs £140k, again from Sporting…

All of them except for Cavaco have big club release clauses, so I immediately list them for loan to stop the vultures picking them off.

Three sales follow to add £4.1m to the coffers…

To the match action then. So far I’ve failed to land a keeper, so Hans Segers will have to do for now. There are bids for Dean Richards, but I’ll get at least one game out of him. Five of the eight signings make the starting eleven for our first match at Ipswich. Here’s how we line up…

We’re soon 2-0 down, but level at the break courtesy of Steve Froggatt and a Mark Venus own goal. Jason Dozzell takes an early bath before Froggatt’s second is cancelled out. A draw is probably fair, but Coelho nicks the points in the last minute. Scenes.

I changed our away colours to match Portugal (just as in real life), and that kit gets its first outing in the League Cup against Watford.

Richards is still here, so we cup tie him for his next club just to be cruel. Bull wastes no time putting us ahead and we lead at half time. Cavaco makes it two from the spot, and Bully adds his second before Coelho makes it two in as many games to put the icing on the cake.

I finally sign a Portuguese keeper for just £62k, but this time the board won’t let me list him for loan, so we might not have him for long.

At Bradford, Coelho makes it three in three, and Cavaco doubles our lead on half an hour. The hosts have a Ramage around in our area and pull one back just before half time, and think they’ve equalised on 69 minutes, but thankfully it’s disallowed, and we hold on.

Interestingly, Deano opts for Derby over Leeds and Celtic, but whatever floats your boat. That’s now £11m in the bank.

Keith Curle replaces him for the second leg with Watford, as the Hornets deliver a fatal sting to win 3-2, but we did enough in the first leg, and go through to play Coventry next.

Two more new arrivals follow, as Jorge sorts me out with another keeper and a versatile winger, both for free.

A trip to the Riverside is never easy, but Coelho continues his fine form with a brace to set us on our way to another three points before a late consolation from Sunbed…

Another one through the door for £130k, and no big club release clause. Bonus!

It’s going swimmingly against Bury, until Adie Mike, who I’ve not seen since the 1995 Merlin’s premier league sticker album, pulls one back and before we know it, it’s 2-2. It’s heading for a draw, but Bully Boy has other ideas and wins us the star prize of three points, which are much more useful to us than a speedboat…

Next, Stewart Houston has a problem as we perform a demolition job on his QPR side. So bad are they, that even 34 year-old Dariusz Kubicki gets a goal. Coelho is turning into quite the baller, that’s 9 goals in 7 games now!

A great first month in charge…

A future Champions League winner for £180k you say? Yes please.

Another emphatic win follows against Crewe, as Cavaco puts us ahead and then dispatches the resulting penalty from their keeper’s red card. Another goal from Coelho follows and even the Crewe players get in on the act…

So after all those fun and games, we find ourselves top of the table, with six wins out of six. Early days I know, but I’ll certainly take it!

This is how the squad is looking after as many ins and outs as a typical day at Chelsea. You can start to see the Portuguese influence after thirteen signings, but old Jorgey boy isn’t done yet, and there are more on the way!

We’ll leave it there for this week. I’ll cover more matches in subsequent episodes, but setting the scene and talking about signings has taken up enough words, and I don’t want to bore people.

Join us next week as we face five of the six teams directly below us, including what’s sure to be a tasty West Midlands derby with Birmingham. Adeus!