Bom Dia! and welcome along to season four, where Nick and his men have finally made it to the Premiership at the third attempt! They’ll need to step it up a gear to survive though, so what can Nick do with his squad to make it capable of staying up?

I’m straight to work after losing the FA Cup final, releasing Carlos (one of my keepers), and Eduardo’s contract was almost up, but at least I manage to get something for him…

The real Simão has three clubs to choose from, and opts for Bristol Rovers…

While the wannabe joins Wigan…

The first summer arrival is Ricardo Ramirez, for £1.8m from Deportivo…

And here’s a man who needs no introduction. £550k from Sporting Gijon seems a snip…

Oceano’s regen for free? Yes please. He goes straight out on loan…

Out-of-favour Paulo Sergio heads to Holland…

And the news I’ve been fearing comes, as Mr. Wolves calls it a day, meaning that the squad is now entirely-Portuguese. Thanks, Bully!

Another regen, answers on a postcard please…

Folha failed to pull up any trees, so he’s gone…

All those ins and outs leave the squad looking a bit more streamlined, with plenty of space for further additions as and when we decide to splash the £23m we have in the bank…

And here’s how we line up for our first match. Pinto’s suspended, but otherwise, it’s as you were from last season’s regular side. Being able to name five subs feels like an absolute treat…

We begin at Ewood Park, where goals are only allowed to be scored every 32 minutes. Sutton and Sick Note punish us at one end, while Flowers frustrates us at the other. Welcome to the Premiership…

Another day, another starlet loaned out…

It’s close against Leicester for all of 2 minutes, after which we emphatically outfox them to secure our first top flight win. Maybe we do belong here after all…

From Foxes to Swans…

Already?! Just as well Pinto’s back now…

A Richard Wright-less Ipswich side hold us to a frustrating draw, with Florin Raducioiu do-do-doing the damage for The Tractor Boys in the unlucky 13th minute, before Pinto rescues us on his return…

As usual, Maik Taylor is playing like a man possessed for Fulham, but thankfully the ref takes pity on us and gives us a penalty, which Barroso coolly slots home to seal another home win…

With Pinto and Boa Morte constantly injured, Jorge sorts me out some more midfield cover…

After losing to us in the FA Cup last season, United are baying for blood, but there’s just something about Old Trafford that gets us going, and we inexplicably pull their pants down in front of their own fans again…

Chelsea are another disgruntled giant out for revenge after we dumped them out of the League Cup last season, but helped largely by Franck Leboeuf having the worst game of his career, we once again topple The Blues…

You literally couldn’t make this sh*t up…

Our luck from the Chelsea game evens itself out against Everton, as a hole opens up in our back line for Collymore to close in, prompting me to slump over the advertising hoardings…

League Cup time. I swear my defence haven’t got a brain cell between them. Pedro Miguel, in for his injured namesake, Rui, gets injured himself, and then his replacement, Xavier, is sent off. Thankfully, our attackers turn up…

Honestly…

The injuries keep coming in an otherwise dull affair with Spurs, as Sa Pinto becomes the latest to join the ever-growing casualty list…

With defence being the most injury-ravaged area, I’m forced to bring in yet more cover. Those of you who read my RB Leipzig blog will remember this man, who never let me down.

For someone who normally gets a big club move in most saves, I must say I’ve been very disappointed with Jorge Couto, so I’m happy to let Kidderminster take him off my hands…

Capucho on the other hand, has been brilliant, and he snatches an unlikely win at Sheffield United, who outplay us for most of the match.

For once, I feel like I’ve earned this one…

After winning the first leg against Swansea 5-2, I’m hoping for a nice comfortable low-key win in the second leg, which it is, up until the last 10 minutes. Cup ties on this game really are absolutely f*cking mental!

The mighty Darlo are next…

We might be in a different division now, but one thing that hasn’t changed is our bottom of the table curse, which is evidently still alive as we slump to an unexpected home loss against 17th-placed Barnsley…

In other news…

It’s looking like a second home loss on the trot, this time to Newcastle, until a last minute free kick is whipped into the box, and Nuno Afonso leaps like a salmon to snatch us a point…

Yeah, yeah, change the f*cking record…

I desperately want revenge over Leeds for the FA Cup final defeat back in May, but we’re thoroughly outplayed from the first whistle to the last. Manarte makes it look respectable…

The last of this week’s action is that League Cup visit to Darlington, which turns out to be a comfortable afternoon, as three goals from midfield and one for Pauleta get the job done…

Maik Taylor awaits…

I had no idea how we’d start Premiership life, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised. We were as high as 2nd at one point, and then hovered around 5th, but no wins in three has seen us slip to 8th. Our goals for and against columns are looking ok in comparison with the rest, so I’m happy at the minute…

So that brings our first week in the big time to a close. Join us next week as we face a few old division 1 chums plus Liverpool and Arsenal to take us up to halfway, while continuing our League Cup adventure and starting our FA Cup campaign, so plenty to look forward to. Adeus!