We left the Clarets at the top of Division 2 after 15 games after discovering that Kyle Lightbourne seems to be a little bit of a league two legend.  Unfortunately he has been racking up disciplinary points even quicker than goals, and so come the first of November he will miss three matches

Determined to make the most of his opportunities before his enforced rest period he bangs in four against Wigan, including a hat-trick in four minutes, the first Turf Roar of episode two.

Kyle follows this up with another two, as we win away at Luton.

King Kyle makes it seven goals in seven days as Gillingham are beaten at home before Kyle is sidelined.

With Kyle being suspended and McVeigh still injured I feel like now is a good time to fill the one remaining space left in the squad, however the talent pool based on my specific criteria is either weak or uninterested, as highlighted by Belgian midfielder Eddir De Ribamar, I mean, do you really want to play for one of those teams, when I’m offering you the chance to supply King Kyle?

It’s no surprise that Kyle’s suspension coincides with our third loss of the season, it’s got to be a pretty shitty performance when Pat Bonner plays a MOM 9/10, despite conceding three!

It gets worse, Kyle is not the only one lacking discipline. Scully T and Smith P are also suspended for the next three games, I didn’t realise we were such a dirty team.  Thanks to two players who are not allowed in the sacred circle of trust, we manage to come from two down at home to Walsall to win 3-2, a good result, despite the circumstances.

All the suspensions and a few injuries mean that when we host Cheltenham in the FA Cup 1st round, all six goals are scored by the soon (or not so soon) to be replaced.

We’re operating a one in one out policy when it comes to suspensions and availability at the moment.

I feel better with Lightbourne back in the side and he picks up where he left off pre-suspension, helping us to beat Fulham at the Cottage.

I can’t find any attacking players I’m interested in so I raid rivals Blackburn, picking up Irish defender Graham Coughlan for a massive £38,000.

Because of the rules, he’s dropped straight into the team and performs admirably, 7/10, as Lightbourne and Cooke get the goals to brush Chesterfield aside.

In classic Champ Man style, the next game is away to Chesterfield in the FA Cup second round.  Different week, different ground, different competition, exact same result.  FA Cup third round, here we come.

Mark Winstanley hasn’t played a game for us, but Bristol City still want to pay £350,000 for him. I’m fine with that, based on how I’m spending money at the moment, I could buy ten players for that.

From one Bristol to another, Rovers visit Turf Moor and King Kyle bags another quick hat-trick, this one only takes him 12 minutes, which is pretty slow considering he scored two goals in the fourth minute alone. Turf Roar number two of the episode.

A second home game in a row, Brentford visit the Moor, they beat us 2-3 in the first game of the season.  It’s all looking good at half time, McVeigh and Smith making it 2-0 at the break.  Robert Taylor has other ideas and brings in back to 2-2 in the 75th minute.  Lightbourne can’t get going so McVeigh takes the bull by the horns, scoring two goals in the last five to secure a deserved win.

Paul Smith has played well in the hole behind the front two, so well that Dundee United offer just shy of …. one millions dollars (pounds) to take him up to Scotland, my hands are tied, so we wave goodbye to Paul.

Our next game is away to Blackpool, another wiki rival.  Things couldn’t get off to a worse start, 0-3 down in under 20 minutes.  McVeigh and Lightbourne claw us back into the game and we almost snatch a winner in the last seven minutes, alas, it wasn’t to be, but coming back from 0-3 down is still a nice achievement.

I need a replacement for Paul Smith, I really want young Brazilian Alessandro D’Souza but the department of work permits are having none of it, so I opt for 35 year old Bulgarian international Nasko Sirakov, he wants a ridiculous £14000 per week, which I say yes to because I can’t sign anyone else and I really need an AMC/FC, he looks handy for an old boy.

With Nasty Nasko in the side we have made it to a starting 11, all of whom meet the challenge criteria. 

Nine Irish men and Bermudian and a Bulgarian all walk onto the pitch at Turf Moor, but can only beat Grimsby 1-0.

And then one of them gets injured in training, we managed one whole before we are forced to include imposters again.

Our FA Cup 3rd round tie is at home to first division Wolves, a stern test.  Our fast-paced counter attacking (direct style) game plan works a treat, despite Jimmy getting sent off in the 18th minute and King Kyle missing a penalty.

Mark Williams has played a little bit when needs arose, however he is obviously surplus to requirements and therefore offloaded at the first opportunity.

Andy Cook on the other hand has been really good when either Lightbourne of McVeigh couldn’t play, so good in fact that his value has skyrocketed to over £4 million.  I wouldn’t stop him from leaving, even if I could, but I can’t, so I didn’t.

After the highs of a win in the cup against Wolves to the lows of being unable to beat Southend.

Nasty Nasko gets his first goal for the club at The Den, however despite our continued pressure we couldn’t get a winner, so it’s another 1-1 draw.

Northampton is a happier hunting ground as King Kyle gets back to scoring ways, both he and Scully T, with a brace.

Our FA Cup 4th round ties is away to Wiki rival Leeds, who knocked us out of the League Cup earlier in the season.  It’s a very even game and it looks like King Kyle’s 18th minute goal might be enough, however we run out of puff in the last 10 minutes and Alf and Sasa score two quick goals to send the Premier League side through.

The final game of this episode takes place in Wales.  Wrexham are brushed aside, thanks to goals from Scully T, Nasty Nasko and King Kyle.  That goals takes the King to 40 for the season and it’s only the beginning of February, how high can he go? 

I will leave you with the League table, we continue to sit on the top step having built an 11 point lead over second place Watford and a 22 point lead over 6th place Carlisle.  I have to say, I’m surprised it has gone this well so far.

Join next week for the final third of the season, and a chance to see King Kyle break the 50, or maybe even 60 mark.