Bom Dia! It’s that time of the week again, so let’s check in with Nick, who has just about calmed down after a frustrating time last week. Can he and his Portugueezers bounce back after a less than impressive recent run of results? Here’s Nick with the latest…

The league table isn’t looking great, but things aren’t as bad as they seem because we have a game in hand, and if we can win that, it’ll take us up to joint 3rd place, so let’s try and do just that to start this week as we mean to go on…

The catch-up game is against Liverpool, who hired Ray Wilkins after I rejected them. Twice we lead, and twice we throw it away as again we’re foiled by another super keeper display. That’s now 5 draws in 11 games. Not funny…

Things don’t improve much at The Riverside, where our defence plays a game of where’s Whalley in the penalty area, but by the time they find him, the ball is already in the net…

Feyenoord complete our first round of Champions League group games, and we can’t shake off our terrible domestic form as we throw another lead away to draw again…

I’d hoped to use Folha as my 3rd-choice centre back, but he hasn’t really taken advantage of the few chances he’s had, so I think he’ll benefit from another season out on loan…

My patience finally runs out with Coelho, so I decide to give Loja a go against Sheffield Wednesday, and he doesn’t let me down, grabbing a brace after JP’s opener. Where the hell has this kind of performance been?!

Loja keeps his place at Colchester in the League Cup, where he goes one better than last match and gets a hat trick in as we’re taken to extra time by the first division outfit…

Our hard-fought victory over The U’s earns us a trip to Old Trafford in the next round…

After back to back wins, normal service is resumed away at Everton. There’s not even a single shot on target from either side in the first half. We go behind twice in the second period, but JP saves us with 3 minutes to go…

One minute the board are saying they’re delighted with me, and the next they’re saying they expect a much higher league position. Make your f*cking minds up!

Well f*ck my old boots. I’m saying absolutely nothing this time…

Back to Europe. Ajax are all over us from the off, and we do well to make it to half an hour without conceding. JP gives us hope, but the visitors are relentless, and eventually Sibon gets the winner. We’re still top though…

Chelsea are next in the league, and my eyes light up as I see that Landreau has left for Deportivo. They haven’t bothered replacing him either, and field a grey keeper, which we take full advantage of to get back on track…

Cadete Jr returns from loan after suffering a horrific injury. It’s not quite the maximum possible lay-off, but very close to it…

Next up are Coventry, and there are no grey keepers to help us against this time, just man of the match, Magnus Hedman at his annoying best yet again. You blonde b*stard…

But then, Coelho rises from the dead with a hat trick against Club Brugge! Ajax and Feyenoord draw, which should be enough to see us through to the quarter finals as our goal difference is far superior to Ajax’s…

My latest trawl through the interested foreign based list unearths this man. He looks a beast, and comes in for £1.6m from Athletic Bilbao, who I’m a bit cross with for not adhering to their Basque-only transfer policy. Tut, tut…

A rejuvenated Coelho is on target again at home to Leicester, grabbing an equaliser, but we’re caught napping from a late corner, and it’s back-to-back losses. For Fox sake!!!

I can only put this down to our Champions League form. I just can’t work this f*cking lot out…

The FA Cup balls drop, and it’s Birmingham…

The other cup hands us the first of two trips to Old Trafford in the space of three days. Dani Pauleta gets us off the mark, and then JP is relieved of penalty duties after another miss, but he does atone before Coelho continues his renaissance to cap a famous win. Come on!!!

Oh god, anyone but f*cking Leeds…

Three days later I’m expecting a United backlash in the league, but the exact same team get the exact same outcome (bar a JP goal) to get us back to winning ways and make Old Trafford a happy hunting ground again!

A trip to Rotterdam concludes the Champions League group games. Picão returns after three months out, and he manages an hour as JP and a late Freitas winner see us into the quarter-finals. Get in there you f*cking beauty!!!

And here’s the confirmation. Not a bad debut campaign if I do say so myself…

Oh f*ck. Why couldn’t it have been Vejle?!

We wrap this week up at home to 4th-placed Sunderland. The Boa is my new penalty taker, and he makes no mistake to give us the lead. Amaral makes it 2-0 and Coelho gets goal 7 in 5 games before JP rounds off a great afternoon’s work. Could we finally be turning the corner?

Here’s the table at the halfway mark. It doesn’t look like much progress has been made, but we’ve won 6 of our last 8 games, scoring 18 goals, which is almost double what we scored in our first 10 league games, and Coelho is seemingly back to his brilliant best (touch wood!) after going missing for a while…

I’m a lot happier than I was this time last week, so we’ll leave it here until next time. Join me next week as we begin our FA Cup campaign, take on Leeds in the League Cup quarter finals, and then there’s that massive Champions League quarter final with Juve, which you won’t want to miss. Adeus!