Bom Dia! and welcome to the end of the tenth season with Nick and his Portuguese Wolves, who have reached the League Cup final, but first there’s still a Champions League quarter-final to be won. Can they dig deep to get the job done? Over to Nick…

We’re 6th in the league, and as usual, scoring hasn’t been a problem, but conceding very much has. But considering we were 11th, and have games in-hand on most teams above us, it could turn out to be a reasonable season yet.

We kick off this week at Old Trafford, which used to be such a nice place to go, but this time we’re easily beaten, and one of our games in-hand evaporates…

Things aren’t much better at home to Arsenal, where we can’t make the extra man count. Red cards seem to be their good luck charm when they play us…

Our Champions League quarter-final with Schalke is finely poised after a goalless first leg. They frustrate us for half an hour, but we finally find a way through via makeshift right-back Torrão before Coelho makes sure…

Wacker Moedling and Club Brugge have both somehow made it to the semis along with Barcelona, but there’s no prizes for guessing who we draw…

Two wins and two losses makes me manager of the month for March apparently…

After ten days of rest, we head to Wembley for the League Cup final with Everton.

We’re on top for most of the match, but can’t break down a stubborn Toffees defence, and it goes to extra time. But it doesn’t take long for Anselmo to head us in front, and then Coelho finishes the job a minute later. Come on!!!

We only have three days to enjoy our Mickey Mouse cup success before our Champions League semi first leg with Barca, who have Ronaldo up front. We’re f*cked…

However, we manage to keep R9 out and hold our own against the Spanish champs. We have numerous chances of our own, but annoyingly their keeper is on fire, so we have to settle for 1-0 courtesy of a Rui Costa pen. We all know what happened against Juventus three years ago, so this is far from over yet…

Much like real-life Man Utd at the minute, we go from playing our hearts out in Europe one night to being utter dog shite in the league three days later…

Another late show follows at 18th-placed Ipswich, but this time we take all three points.

And then most impressively of all, we hammer one of our bogey teams, Middlesbrough in their own backyard. Their annoying keeper still gets 9/10, but he can’t live with us today…

With the Barca second leg two days away, I make eight changes against Everton. Freitas has a European ban, so he starts, as do Zezinho and Torrão due to a defender shortage, but we survive another Toffee test…

Right then… If we can just hold it together for ninety minutes at the Nou Camp, we’ll have a final against one of two teams packed full of grey players to look forward to.

As anticipated, we take a battering in the first half, but only concede once thanks to our keeper, and Amaral converts what turns out to be our only shot on target all match for a priceless away goal. The second half ticks on, and they go close a few more times, but we ride the storm to book our place in the final. GET THE F*CK IN THERE YOU BEAUTIES!!!

The stats tell the story, but I couldn’t care less.

Club Brugge await after taking care of Wacker Moedling 4-1 on aggregate in the other semi…

But before we get too carried away, there’s still a LOT of work to be done in the league, and results like this certainly won’t help…

This is nice to see. He’s saved our bacon so many times, and yet somehow can’t get a cap for Portugal…

But this definitely isn’t nice to see. That’s him out for the rest of the season. Cruel, just cruel.

Two in a row! What the hell is going on?!

Nothing sums up our league form more than scraping a 3-2 win in the last minute against the team who are rock bottom…

All looks set for a well-earned point away at champions-elect Leeds, and then our keeper just happens to fumble it to their feet just when they need a goal. Funny, that…

Our penultimate game is Liverpool. Their keeper gets sent off and the sub lets The Boa help himself to two penalties before Torrão adds the cherry on top…

We finish at home to 4th-placed Leicester. We’re 8th but could get 6th if results go our way. It’s a match of the lowest quality with one shot on target each, but we score ours…

Fulham lost at Man Utd, and Arsenal beat Everton, so we finish 7th on goal difference. I’m not sure if that gives us a European spot, but it won’t matter if we win the Champions League…

Vitinha got injured against West Ham and looked set to miss the Champions League final, but he recovers quicker than expected, and no one else gets injured in the build up to the big night, so we jet out to Spain with a fully-fit squad bar Rui Costa…

So then, to the biggest night in our club’s history, and this is what stands between us and European glory…

Brugge beat Univ. Craiova to qualify, and then made it through a group of Dinamo Minsk, Sporting Lisbon and Slovan Bratislava before inexplicably knocking out Real Madrid in the quarter-finals to set up their semi with our old group mates, Wacker-Moedling.

Despite how easy it seems on paper, I worry it might be one of those games where the AI evens things out just to make it interesting.

But we fly out of the traps and lead 4-0 at half time. I expect the kitchen sink to be thrown at us in the second half, and although they score once, that’s as bad as it gets, and howls bigger than those during a Martin Adams Lakeside darts walk-on ring out around the stadium as we’re crowned European champions. Scenes, absolute f*cking scenes!!!

As you can imagine, I’m more than a bit tipsy at the annual awards dinner, where we scoop three prizes, as right-back Campos gets young player, I get manager, and Coelho, who I thought was having a bad season, snuck under the radar to win the golden boot…

What a way to end a season! I’ll admit that when we were 2-0 down to Man Utd in the League Cup, and goalless after that first leg with Schalke, I was expecting another nothing season, so to end up winning a treble (of sorts) is just incredible. Join me next week to see where we can possibly go from here. Adeus!