Welcome back to the Moor, as we enter the final third of season five the Clarets are still fighting to win their first Premier League and to retain the FA Cup.

The first match of the episode is the FA Cup 5th round tie, away to Wimbledon.  Despite some fine saves from Neil Sullivan we manage to make it to the Quarter Finals thanks to Terry and Dangerous numero deux.

Following the FA Cup tie we head east to Ipswich.  It’s a back and forth affair where Andy Cole scores two, fortunately for us his second is an OG and despite having over 20 minutes to find a winner we are unable to beat Tim Flowers for a fourth time.

Back at the Moor we score another three goals, this time however, we avoid conceding three and run out comfortable winners against Palace.

Three days later it’s Leicester, they forgot their away kit, luckily Palace left theirs in the changing room.  The kit doesn’t prove lucky for Leicester, Pauli V seals the win with his second in two games.

Our FA Cup Quarter Final tie is away to Man Red.  We absolutely pummel their goal for 60 minutes but Matteo Guardalben, some random Free Transfer signing who had played 17 games for Parma in three seasons is unbeatable, of course he is!  Finally Pauli scores for the third successive game to make it 1-0.  Unsurprisingly Rui Costa scores three minutes later and we are heading for a replay at the Moor.

Spurs visit the Moor a week later and for three quarters of the match I’m wondering how we can be so shit, after dismantling Utd in the FA Cup a week earlier.  We are 1-2 down until the 74th minute and then 2-3 down in the 75th minute.  Come full time we have won 6-3 thanks, in part to Terry’s seven minute hat-trick. Good lord!

After the display against Spurs I don’t know what to expect in the FA Cup replay, finally Matteo shows that he is human after all, although it was closer than the score line suggests.

We need a late goal from Pistol P to earn a point from our final Claret Clash of the season.

A week later, Huddersfield visit the Moor and we are 3-0 up when I notice their keeper is called Kanchelskis.  I pause the game to check and my suspicions are confirmed, there is something strange afoot.

I make a few changes to try and up morale, we end up winning 6-2.  We had 14 shots, six on target, all Micky Goose had to do was hit the target! His moral has been very low since he arrived and quite frankly, he has been crap.

We head to Anfield next, Liverpool decide to field a recognised keeper, and not just any keeper, Neil “f**king” Alexander who is near impossible to beat.  Luckily for us, Stefan De Meersman is back in goal after sulking for the past six months and he’s pretty handy too.  Pistol scores in the 69th minute and we hold on for a well earned win.

Four days later we are on the Anfield turf again, this time Newcastle are the opponents in the FA Cup semi final.  They have Kristian Thinggaard in goal, who is the regen of a certain Danish shot stopper.  Annoyingly, we are a bit shit. Pistol misses a penalty, Terry gets injured and Nicolas Olivero gets two goals in two minutes to send Newcastle to the final, Thinggaard is MOM! Never mind, we are all in on the League now.

We put the disappointment of the Semi final exit behind us by beating Man Red 1-0 at the Moor.  Pistol making up for the penalty miss.

With five games to go the League table is tight like a Tiger.

Newcastle are becoming a real annoyance, we don’t help ourselves with our first sending off in a while and Olivero scores again.

We use the International break to regroup and refocus.  With four games left we are four points behind Wiki rivals Leeds and a point ahead of Man Red.

Chelsea visit the Moor and Pistol seems to be finding the net again, a comfortable win.  Leeds also win, but Man Utd lose, so we are still four points behind 1st but four points ahead of 3rd.

Two days after beating Chelsea we are in the Blue half of Liverpool.  It’s another close scoreline in a game that we dominate.  3-2 is very generous to Everton.

Two games left and Leeds are yet to slip up, but second place is now guaranteed.  If you look closely, you can see our weakness.

Our game in hand is at Molineux, Wolves start quickly but then Terry and Savi strike back quickly.  I’ve always been very critical of Savi, but I think I’m going to have to take it all back, he’s been great since Mully has been out injured and I’m gutted when he pulls up injured in the 28th minute.  We hold on for the win.  All to play for in the last game. 

The final fixture of the season sees us at the Moor against 20th place Arsenal, while Leeds are away against our Claret brethren.

Well, it’s all going wrong in the final match, Arsenal take a two goal lead before Double D pulls one back on the stroke of half time.  I pull out my best Ted Lasso half time speech, all about believing and that sort of bollocks, and what do you know it works.  Not so Dangerous recently 2.0 equalises, before Mully returns from his seven month layoff to make it 3-2.  Terry scores against his former, future club and we win 4-2.  I close my eyes and keep my fingers crossed, surely the Universe and our Claret buddies will play their part.

Bollocks!

I was so disappointed this was the last picture I took!

One point, one point and one goal, bloody Villa!  It’s not their fault though. We lost eight games, if any one of them had been a draw we would be Champions, but, that’s Football.

We will be back, I’m going to do one final season with this Claret mob, see you next week for season six. Strangely, I won Premiership manager of the year, despite only winning the World Club Cup.