Greetings to you. It’s nice to be back, even if it is just a one off blog. I’ve been in a creative hole for a while now, for the first time since I started this site and all the other stuff I write about, I have nothing. No ideas, no spark, no appetite to open the laptop lid. Maybe it’s age catching me up – so many late nights sacrificing the odd hour of sleep here or there have stood me in good stead for being a parent of 2 – but those extra hours are hard to come by. I’m tired, boss.

Anyway, enough about my internal monologue. We’re back with a new-old idea. From the brain that brought you Win the FA Cup with Doncaster, here’s Win the FA Cup with Torquay. What a squad it is.

Why Torquay? Well, much like Doncaster, they really are not very good in CM9798. Rodney Jack is a useful player, but aside from that they seem to have some bairns and some journeyman pros. We’ll soon see to that. Torquay is also the setting for Fawlty Towers and they brushed the news headlines recently when Neil Warnock ended up in caretaker charge for a few games. We’ll also look to do it for Hells Bells Helen Chamberlain, the first lady of football [citation needed].

Our transfer strategy is dealt an early blow when Tomlinson buggers off to Spain.

After the usual race for free transfers, here’s what we have.

Heidenstrom wasn’t for sale so we haven’t got a proper central midfield player. Bradley can do it for now, Morrison might be tried there. But we hold out hope for Bjorn being made available before the money runs out (the squad is far too big for this level, wages will kill us).

We’re off to a wonderful start.

First Division Huddersfield can’t live with us (from an attacking sense, we equally can’t live with them but that feels like important).

We are a good both teams to score bet.

And we knock Huddersfield out with an impressive second leg victory.

Anyway, you get the idea. We will score a lot of goals and perhaps also concede a lot. It’s endearing. But will it be enough to win the FA Cup?

An early indication of how tough our task will be comes in the League Cup, as we hold Man Utd for nearly a whole half before that baby faced tosser scores and it’s largely downhill from there.

Still, it was reasonable for a bit and hopefully with experience we’ll be able to compete with some dignity.

We also face higher opposition in the Windscreen Shield, as Second Division Watford come to visit. We nearly had them but Gifton Noel-Williams has other ideas.

Anyway the problem with these sorts of saves are, well actually quite numerous but in this specific anecdote, the league form actually doesn’t matter. Here’s an impressive 4-1 win at Hull, which counts for very little.

The first round draw is very kind and sends us to Non-League Altrincham. The lads make very light work of them.

The second round sends us to Cheltenham, also of non-league status.

I am a little worried – Betterton is banned, Bound is just back for a month out and Brightwell has had a 2 month lay off. If the ringers are out, there’s not an awful lot in reserve.

Despite a little wobble, Mainwaring steps up and tells us all don’t panic. He’s a goal machine at this level.

No offence to Darlo, but this is a great draw for the third round. We absolutely should win that against a side in our Division.

We are however £300k in debt, which means I’m stuck with what I have. I really need somebody to come in for one of the ringers but there’s a real lack of interest. I can’t afford for Duncan to go and Twiss is versatile, so those two are being loan-list cheated out of a move right now. Why can’t somebody bid for Paul McVeigh or Brightwell? In the shop window they will have to go.

Look at all this value that could be realised…

A lot of sensational performers so far.

The Micker has 27 in 31. Lovely Micker. I was in the same room as him recently at a match but I resisted the urge to tell him how much I love him on this game. He is going to bench warm whilst we try to drum up interest in PMcV over the festive period.

Anyway on the eve of the third round tie I realise my confidence may be misplaced. Only goal difference separates us and our opponents!

I need not have worried. Micker always knows what to do.

Right, this is going to be tough. But realistically we are going to have to beat sides far better if we want to pull this challenge off.

The boy Gallen waits.

The boys! I didn’t expect to be 5-1 up but here we are. QPR do make it interesting briefly but it’s not enough. Through to Round 5.

Derby or Leeds…could be worse.

Derby it is

Oh come on. Third?!

Classic 442 for Jim Smith.

PMcV! Get in.

There aren’t many winnable ties left.

Ruhroh.

For those wondering, we sit £640k in debt without a single bid for any player. It’s the best and blurst of times. Anyway, we’ve reached quarter final day.

If we can just keep out the England captain and friends, we’re at a neutral venue for the semis.

We took the lead and for 20 minutes, believed in the impossible. Then it all went wrong. We conceded what I call bad goals – goals which don’t come from rebounds, which basically implies your goalkeeper didn’t do very well. He got an 8, so it’s hard to be too critical.

And so ends this little sojourn back into blogging. To tie up some loose ends…

Two days after the game, a bid arrives for one of the two centre backs.

This was followed by 6 offers of the same value. He’s worth £2.2m, so we’ll see.

We would have played Chelsea or Man Utd, which wouldn’t have been nice.

Bound went to Forest for £1.8m, keeping the club afloat. So that’s nice.

I won’t finish the season, I’m proud of the efforts but ultimately we fell short of the aim. Maybe I’ll try again another time. I have an idea for a new blog, which I stole off Nath, so I might start that soon. Thanks for reading, see you again soon.