Trophy Time

Posted on February 25, 2015 by David Black

We’ve reached the end of season 6 and there’s a familiar look about many of the competitions – but can I finally get my name on the honours board? Are the good times on their way back to Elland Road?

League Cup

I’m still drunk.

A disaster of a start, but Tricky Trev galvanised us. Chelsea then kicked us a lot and broke Pessotto’s leg, but there was bedlam in my front room when Collins scored – and it had to be re-taken. The board are delighted and I get manager of the month for my efforts

Unfortunately, winning the League Cup doesn’t even get you a place in Europe. It is a very pointless endeavour, but buys me some favour with the board.

Premier League

Nothing exciting here really, Man Utd win it again. It looks like it might be a four horse race but Kinnear’s Tottenham fall apart, I’m partially responsible

Marco incidentally is the re-generarion of George Weah, signed for all of £5k. He’s some boy. I took no pleasure in this:

They were however already relegated, poor Dons. Here’s how the tables finished Look what I get for 11th! The days of a couple of hundred grand at Auxerre a thing of the past

After the cup final we had a great run to finish a respectable 11th. Not great but could be a lot worse. Arsenal survive on goal difference, which is incredible really. It’s obvious where our problems lie when you look at how many we scored, but look at how many we let in. The signing of Mickael Landreau from Liverpool, who was a constant menace to me at Auxerre, should help. Meanwhile, the axe is out

Everton appoint Kevin Ratcliffe which makes sense I suppose. There’s a surprising England recall on the cards too

Given that Shearer is nearly 33, Hoddle’s obviously still favouring the older generation. Anyway, there’s good news for Shearer’s old club

Dalglish’s reputation is soaring and he sits very high up the pecking order.

Champions League

Juventus deny Fergie a final spot, where they’ll face Milan, in an all Italian final, in Italy

Juventus win it though – with Euro 2004 in Italy next season, it’s a great time to be Italian.

With everything sorted, all that’s left is for France to sack their manager after this nightmare

And finally, some awards

Landreau on the honours board is good to see, and my old broken legged pal Jason Euell has bounced back in style.

Join us next time where we’ll find out who gets the France job and if I can get Leeds back into the top 6

Helping or Hindering?

Posted on February 24, 2015 by David Black

I’ve been back in England for most of the 02/03 season, and after an initial honeymoon period, things have turned a bit sour for me at Leeds. It’s not a disaster, but it’s not as good as I would have liked. On the plus side, I’m building a decent side and if the board are patient, I might be on to something. Here’s how 2003 is treating me.

My league form is atrocious, even Joe Kinnear is getting one over me

It would be that man Heskey too, who to be fair is now a 1 in 2 striker. Spurs are pushing the top end of the table and the unthinkable is..well kind of thinkable.

Meanwhile it’s all kicking off for Brian Little

Hot on the heels of losing Robbie Fowler, maybe it’s all falling apart for Brian. Mind you, I can’t talk, it’s one disaster after another. Out of the FA Cup at the 4th round, the UEFA Cup might add some solace. Wrong.

I’ve never liked the away goals rule. The problem I’m having is that we don’t score as many as I would like and we concede plenty. I’ve also set about making the squad my own, including this chap

He’ll never amount to anything. Also, my old pal from Wimbledon and Auxerre has come to help out

Him and Scimeca will make a dream team. Speaking of Wimbledon, the half dozen fans who travelled to this one will have given me pelters. Thankfully, Andy Gray dug me out of this hole.

No, not that Andy Gray. It’s all getting a bit weird anyway, Wimbledon you may remeber are now managed by Dave Bassett, after John Toshack went to Arsenal. Well, watch this unfold

Job swap. If that’s not enough, there’s the usual array of transfers going on

Never one to be left out, I finally get my hero to the club

He might be coming to the end of his career but hopefully he can solve my problems. I doubt it though. Overall I’ve ripped the squad to bits and it should make for a decent season next year.

It’s no wonder we can’t win, half the lads probably don’t know each other. On the plus side, we do have a cup final to attend. Might even get my suit on for the trip to Wembley

Gordon Milne’s Chelsea will give us a game. Here’s how the table looks at the end of March

It’s really gotten quite grim, we’re no better off than when I took over. But we will be fine. Kevin Keegan’s Blackburn, however, might not be. Dave Bassett’s Wimbledon have no chance.

For those interested, here’s the FA Cup semis

Bloody Kinnear. And finally, the Champions League semis

Man Utd are perenially in the semi finals, maybe this could be their year?

So join us next time where we’ll find out if I’m going to wear a full suit for a video game, if I can remember the lyrics to abide with me and hopefully at the end of it all not get relegated.

Goodbye, my friends

Posted on February 23, 2015 by David Black

I know you’re going searching but I can still feel you here.

As I’m determined to be back in the Premier League, it’s a massive spanner in the works that no jobs are available. I was hoping somebody would retire or something but they didn’t, so I’m still at Axuerre. I thought about resigning but it could be months for all I know, so I’ll make the best of it. The board seem to realise I’m keen to upsticks and dangle a £13m carrot

I could do a lot of damage with £9m. So much so, my first move is to bring Auxerre legend Antoine Sibierski back to the club

Sibs been winning everything with PSG and has broken into the France squad so it’s a bit of a coup, and he slots well into the team. Elsehwere there’s the usual flurry of moves

Coventry clearly know the way to my heart as well, offering an old favourite of mine

I’ve wanted Zetterbeg off the wagebill for a while and Mulryne can keep Nevland company, so that’s happening. Things are going pretty well and we’re off to a good start in the league, but then…

I’ve got to have it. Leeds have money in the bank and UEFA cup football having just finished 5th. It’s the perfect solution. Goodbye, my friends.

It took them 2 weeks to get to it but I’m in charge, and it’s not even a bad squad

The main man Scimeca will be useful, Lee Bowyer is an England regular and they’ve got Robbie Keane, who will not have forgotten that I gave him his chance at Wimbledon (shakes fist). We’re off like a train too

It does help that Liverpool implode. Just as I think this has all got very easy, we run into Marashliev and his mates

Steve Simonsen obviously shows no sentiment to what I did for him. With the dust settled, Leeds were 15th when I took over, now they’re slightly higher