In 1997, Sir John Hall passed Newcastle United chairmanship to Freddy Shepard. Freddy, keen to make his mark on the club, had watched over the years how Newcastle had been a trailblazer for South American footballers, from George and Ted Robledo,  Marindinha, Tino Asprilla, south American stars have lit up St James Park.

Freddy has released all the first team squad, lobbied government to abolish work permits for players from South American and after watching re-runs of the Henry Enfield Show, signed me a young Colombian Striker called Julio Geordio.

Random stats, but -1 for potential and 18 for shooting. He looks like he can do a job.

My first act as manager though is to emulate Kevin Keegan and explain to the Toon faithful why so many favourites, including Alan Shearer, have had their contracts terminated by Freddy and released into the wild.

‘No idea!’ is my honest, but not particularly palatable response.

Freddy is ambitious. He knows the fans aren’t happy at the moment, but he wasn’t sure a squad with John Barnes, Ian Rush and Stuart Pearce was going to reach the heights that King Kev couldn’t.

As well as Julio, he’s given me 6 other players from South America who are hanging around on free transfers at the start of the season.

The race is on to get a squad together for the start of the season and those oh so lucrative Champions League qualifiers.

Freddy has set down some rules though. I can only sign players from the 10 member states of COMNEBOL, being Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Chile, Colombia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Peru, Uruguay and Venezuela. It might as well be 8 states, given the amount of players in the database hailing from Ecuador and Venezuela (3 in total).

Also, Freddy doesn’t want me to go mad on Argentines and Brazilians. He wants a club of South American nations. So I can only sign players from those two countries on free transfers or based on money I generate through sales. This may not be as easy as he thinks it will be.

Nevertheless, I search the database and pull up a list of my first 16 targets. I need to get the spine sorted first.

Not sure there could have been a tougher draw to be honest. Florian Maurice et al might just murder us.

I do just enough business in 2 weeks to get the bones of a squad together. Esteban Valencia turned us down, but Nobby didn’t thankfully. Plus I have two mad goalkeepers to keep the fans entertained.

Here’s our line up. Chilavert is not happy with not being on pens and freekicks, but I can’t afford a slow start to the season!

We are anything but slow when we kick off against Bolton. The fans are sceptical at kick off but by full time they are singing songs about Ruben Sosa and Julio Geordio.

Julio is thrown into the spotlight with a post match interview:

Tony: Julio, an excellent debut for someone so young and so far from home, how are you feeling?

Julio: Encantado Tony, sobre la luna. Crecí viendo a Chris Waddle y jugar frente a estos fanáticos es fantástico. Nobby played it through to me and I justed belted it like. No puedo esperar a mi próximo partido.

Tony: Thank you – Julio Geordio – new toon sensation – back to the studio.

Our next match is the midweek Champions League qualifier and PSG turn up and I’m expecting a bloodshed, especially after Simone scores early doors. Argentine winger Carranza levels it up and we’re doing so well to keep it level until Vilches handles in the box. The veteran is sent off but Chilavert saves from Maurice and we give ourselves a chance in the second leg.

Next are the ever relentless Man Utd. It’s poetic for United when Giggs scores in the first minute and Keane rises like a totem pole and scores a header to make us two nil down after 4 minutes, but Colombian sensation Julio has other ideas and levels things up before Teddy knocks us back minutes later. The rest of the game is a hunt for our third, but alas it never comes. Still, not bad against this side, huh?

Midweek the team are off to Paris and again we look like it’s not our night when Florian puts PSG 2-1 up on the night – we need a goal and red cards and penalties level it for us and Gorgeous Jorge Bermudez smashes in the winner to send our thread bare latin lovers into the group stages.

The draw could have been worse, aiming for best second place I guess.

Villa up next and we’re on a high when Raul ‘Glenn’ Madeiros sets us on our way to a 3-0 triumph.

Glenn is at it again against Southampton, but we’re out of sorts and out of luck.

Similar problems against Palace. Teams we really should be tucking away, but all these lads are new to each other and the country, so bound to be some bumps along the way.

No such problems when our group stage exploits start though, even when I have to start some local grey players. God bless Joby Little.

I love Ruben Sosa, he always works well in Portugal, but on the toon, it’s been a bit of a slow start, but he’s come alive at Highbury.

We’re on a roll now, Ruben and Julio are starting to click and not even American Brad can resist our advances.

We have plenty of our own contenders for the Crazy Gang in Chilavert and Higuita, but all we can do is come up with blanks.

Back to European adventures and this is the mess I have to unravel against FC Sion.

It matters not, we squeeze past them thanks to heroics in goal by Jose.

Back to league action and Julio claims his first Geordie hat trick

Julio’s exploits mean he’s wheeled out for another interview:

Tony: Julio, your first hat trick, and in front of the Toon Army – what are your thoughts?

Julio: Estoy sobre la luna Tony, es un sentimiento estático. Mick Quinn was my hero as a lad. Voy a celebrar esta noche con unas cervezas con Jimmy Nail.

Tony: Thank you Julio. Julio Geordio – hat trick hero and friend of Jimmy Nail.

Quinonez turned us down. I think we regret it more than he does.

Barnsley are a shadow of Dave’s vintage and our front three make light work of them

That brings us roughly to a third way through the season and sitting ok-ish in the league. We’ve got games in hand but it already looks like United’s to lose, as per usual.

Hope you enjoyed this intro and come back next week where famous faces and recording contracts will be the topic of conversation. Hasta la Vista baby.