Good welcome to you! After 6 weeks of tomfoolery in the Scottish football league, Cowdenbeath have risen to the top, much like the cream that ultimately starts in the Cow that bares our name. As ever though we’ve had 4 months to prepare for the new season and with us now being a Premier League side, I can’t wait to see which washed up has-beens fancy coming on the journey with us.

Here’s the squad as we enter the start of the transfer window. It’s functional but the Micker isn’t getting any younger (38) and McClair isn’t much better (36). Work to be done.

Oh even more work to be done. We could do with a centre back…

Well this is nice.

Rio Ferdinand, he’s some boy. Let’s hope he never becomes a pundit.

Yes! All our problems are solved. £1.6m will go a long way.

…towards 5000 seats, apparently. For goodness sake. Now 10,258 people can watch us get relegated.

So we’ve got £494k to play with to prepare this set of fools for life in the top tier.

What’s worrying is that there’s a real dearth of 90s luminaries available or willing to come to play. We can offer £700 a week. When all else fails, raid the regens. Here’s the artist formerly known as Mark Hughes.

This guy isn’t a regen but he’s probably sellable.

I think this is Ian Rush. It’s probably somebody far less useful but we’ll find out.

Some wonderful loanees are offered the chance to be part of something special. Nevland says no. Jeffers refuses the opportunity to play for us at the top level. Even an ambitious bid for Michael Owen falls flat. It means we go into the opening day with three Welsh children as our only additions. Micker is banned for bringing the game into disrepute.

Well it turns out that the kids are alright. Or maybe that’s the Boyos. Old man McClair also scores but Dale takes the match ball home. If we play St Johnstone every week, we’ll be fine.

For f*ck sake.

There goes our holding midfielder.

I was joking earlier when I said if we play St Johnstone every week we’ll be alright. Well, we’ve beaten them away in the cup now. Just wait until the Micker gets amongst these lads.

Let’s hope Gabriel is busy that day.

Everybody wants to join the big lads now.

Our first game against not St Johnstone ends 0-0. Aberdeen have a similar recruitment policy to ourselves, pairing Kevin Campbell up front with a 34 year old Gianfranco Zola. It ends 0-0 but not before Phil J Fry is sent off for kicking Dean Windass 4 foot up in the air. They share a pint afterwards – literally the same pint.

Celtic away in the cup then and Batistuta lines up alongside Simon Donnelly.

We are beaten but not disgraced. Rod Wallace brings us level but the game turns when Biggins goes off with an injury. A shame but we’ll take some heart from it all.

More reinforcements arrive in the shape of Father Phil

Everything I know about this game suggests this signing will be a disaster but I desperately need some cover.

Rangers away next. What a bizarre squad this is where Peter Fear is a star player and there’s no place for Gazza…or Terry Cooke.

Rangers are a lot better than us. It’s a hiding.

Back against the non-Old Firm teams we recover somewhat. All of the boyos are away playing for Wales Under 21s so the dream team of Micker and Jeffers are reunited, with sexy results. 5-0 doesn’t flatter us.

Richard Dunne has left the building. Coward.

We fall behind to Dougie Freedman against 5th placed Hibs but Jeffers levels shortly afterwards. 18 shots on goal, 6 on target later and we have to settle for a point.

Oh hello solution to financial crisis.

Dundee Utd are second, they have the Dave Beasant regen who was on our books for 3 weeks in goal and obviously start well enough to score from kick off. That doesn’t phase us, I mean some say Rod Wallace is unphaseable and he equalises shortly thereafter. Young Dale (Rush) wins it. Great result.

Arbroath have given us £349k this week.

Partick Thistle may have an impressive set of starlets but they have all left them. They prop up the table and Dale helps himself to a hat-trick whilst missing a penalty. It wasn’t as close as it looks.

We’re in great form as we welcome leaders Celtic. They can pair Batistuta with Dion Dublin up front, an idea so stupid it’s the type of thing I would do. We give a decent account of ourselves but I stupidly try and chase an equaliser on the hour and we soon get picked off. 4-0 is harsh but a reminder that the gap to the Old Firm is huge.

I’d happily finish 4th. Is that an option?

It is an International break so a natural time for me to say Adios for another week. We’ve made a decent start here with our only defeats being to Celtic and Rangers. Is 3rd a realistic target? The problem we have is that with the Boyos they are so inconsistent whilst they develop you’ve got to almost start them and drop them at random. Time will tell. Join me next week to see if we can make a push for the European places…