Hello, and welcome back to season 9!

Last time out I made the daft decision to swich from a Premier League title challenge to a Division 1 relegation challenge! The driver? An attempt to replicate Neil Warnocks achievement with Rotherham in 2016 – where an eleven game unbeaten run would save a team destined for relegation, thus performing a ”Houdini’ escape act!

The league table makes for hard reading. Twelve points adrift and 18 games to go. I’m sure we can do it, though!

This is the squad we’ve inherited; Matt Jansen and Darren Purse the standout names, with my ex-player Riccy Scimeca at CB.

I keep it simple for the opening game, against Oldham with the tried and tested narrow 4-2-2-2 formation. Darren Purse, who’s been playing up front, moves to partner Scimeca at the back.

Matt Jansen misses a penalty on 51 minutes at Oldham are reduced to ten. It’s a glorious opportunity to gain early points and Jensen scores after the hour. We can’t hold on and Oldham force an equaliser lets hope we don’t rue that later!

We follow up our draw with Oldham with a loss to Crystal Palace.

I make my first signing as an attempt to shore up the defensive midfield area. Cambiasso likes to follow me around the country, and can never get game time under any managers other than me!

Cambiasso repays the faith with an early bath against West Brom! Mate! We manage to crawl over the line and get a vital three points after a late own goal.

We face a tough test at table-toppers Stoke we are in the game until the final ten minutes, after conceding a late equaliser. We’re playing well but need to convert the draws into wins!

A can copy/paste the sentiment for the visit to Oakwell. We have the majority of shots, but cannot make them count.

I get a birthday present on 25th February, as two early goals are enough to defeat Reading.

Despite just one loss in six games, we only close the game from 12 to 10 points. This is tough! Goals are a worry – we’re not scoring enough.

I may live to regret selling my striker, Matt Jansen. One goal in six, plus a missed penalty means a chance to reinvest in the squad.

You’re born, you take shit. Get out in the world, you take more shit. Climb a little higher, take less shit. Till one day, you’re in the rarefied atmosphere and you’ve forgotten what shit even looks like.

Welcome to the Layer Cake, son.

Remind me why I left Plymouth? Someone?

That’ll do! (And yes, that is Paul Scholes, turning out for Liverpool in Division 1). Liverpool are currently in second place, behind Stoke.

Another battling performance, this time against struggling Leeds. Back-to-back wins is what we need!

We stutter again this time against Gillingham. The Gills play thw second half with ten men, but it’s not good.

We’re off the foot of the table, but still 8 points adrift. Whilst we are chipping away, we are fast running out of games. We need to make up a point a game on Barnsley.

I add an experienced midfielder to the ranks for the run-in, and central defender Mick Ashdjian.

We beat Pompey, the team ahead of us in the league. I’ve started playing Purse back in an attacking role, now Cambiasso, Ashdjian and Scimicca are marshalling the backline.

We once against grind out back-to-back wins. This time at the expense of Carlise. Frank Lampard (obvs. not fulfilling his potential in this save) see red early on in the first half. We are now within five points of Barnsley in 21st. Italian forward Paolo Miceli scores his first after arriving as a deadline day free transfer.

A hard-fought win over Coventry City makes it three-for-three as the revival continues.

Staying in The Midlands, and two first half goals sees basement side Birmingham put to the sword. Miceli has found some form at the perfect time.

The fourth win on the bounce means we leapfrog Pompey and are noew just two points behind Barnsley.

Ahh.. 50,000 fans cram into Goodison Park to see Everton score a late winner. Strange that both Scouse clubs are languishing in this league!

The lads bounce back against Port Vale, this time scoring a late goal of our own!

The gap to Barnsley widens from two to three points. With two games to play, we need a perfect six points from the final two games.

We draw at Walsall, despite taking the lead. I play the final half hour keeperless in an effort to score a winner. It’s not to be.

Eyes on teletext as the Barnsley result is read out. If they win it’s over for us…

Fek.

We round off the season with a win at York City.

It’s a frustrating end to the season, though the lads battled away and had some memorable results.

We actually topped the form table for the final 10 games. The hard part to see is that Barnsley too picked up form – winning their final two away games.

Alas, our ‘houdini’ adventure wasn’t to be!

Paolo Miceli was the pick of the players with nine goals in fifteen games, though a terrible average rating!

As for Plymouth. Did John Barnes lead them to glory? Did he Fuck!

Join us next time, as we start in Division 2 with Crewe. Let’s see where the journeyman road takes us next!