Hello and welcome to another week of what the f*** has this man done to CM9798. Yes, I don’t know how I live with myself. But live on we do. Last week, the lack of other goal scorers meant Fowler’s ban was further extended. Will Everpool cope? If you missed last week, you can catch up, here.

We open with the League Cup, and in a three-way derby, Suncastle come unstuck to their less illustrious neighbours, Boro.

Someone is inevitably splashing the half and half cash, and in this instance, it’s the Crystal Dons.

Speaking of Crystal, I’ll need Mystic Meg to know if that’s any good of a signing. Is he medov the right stuff? They’ll soon find out. Terrible puns aside, over in the FA Cup Olddale struggle to a replay vs. one half of the original cast.

Suncastle continue the shocks without Thomas Hasslehoff, by getting undone against 3^rd bottom Norpswich.

Elsewhere the hotguns continue to misfire yet still remain 2^nd:

Talk about going Dutch. Also on the radar, Everpool manage okay without Fowler, I mean, they do have plenty to rely on!

Shamefully, Gary Penrice holds them to a draw. Back in FA Cup world, the Readford Oxes have an embarrassing shocker…

Shooter McGavin sends them packing. A much better week for Big Scarf Co. as the league round produces plenty of goals.

Everyone’s favourites the Crystal Dons hammering home 4.

The poor Bromderers. Bull has a respectable 8 in 20, but he is not hitting the expected highs. Marcus Gayle though. On fire as ever. More goals as January closes.

However, due to a cruel twist of fate (poor editing on my behalf) the Portstoke Valiants lose their only ‘keeper. Southall is sacked by the original Stoke, and, thus becomes a free agent leaving his role at his new club.

That is brutal. I don’t apologise. In fact, in true Port vale style, I condone it!!!

So that leaves A City United 14 points clear at the end of January.

Norpswich climb out the drop zone by a point thanks to that win at Suncastle. And now for the fines.

It’s a 5-game ban for Zola (a reprieve for Fowler).

Scholes just cannot get a game in (3-game ban).

And Ed De Goey gets another 20-point deduction in ability.

That’s all from the tediously stupid half and half land. Am I regretful of this creation? Absolutely, but we will see it through to the death. See you next time!