Roll up, roll up! It’s February and we’re almost at the close of the inaugural season of the half and half Premier League. Will it be the final season? Absolutely! I’d link to last weeks post so you can catch up, but it’s almost 10pm on a Sunday as I write this, and I can’t be f*****. Please accept my most humble apologies.

Everybody’s favourites have an absolute mare, but Norpswich are on the up.

Mamedov not looking like a great signing. No wonder I hadn’t heard of him. Elsewhere the Bromderers get hooked by relegation chancers Lutford. Up and Akem!

It’s FA Cup time and 10-man Everpool thrash the ‘keeperless Portstoke. My bad.

In the League Cup, non-league minnows Leicester City will meet A City United in the final.

An Astoningham achievement. Back in the league, the Crystal Dons are in freefall.

Burnburn’s signings of Caniggia and Garcia looking astute. More s**** heads to earn the riches of the Half and Half Scarf league!

Subsequently, they are thrashed.

And with that, February is over and we are one step closer to bringing this absolute barrel of s**** to a close. The table’s top three and bottom three remain the same and continue to trade funds:

Scholes picks up a handy 5-game ban. How he tops these tables with so many bans I’ll never know.

Klinsmann is finally back for another ban too (3 games). Almost a double ban for Scholes!

And Ed and Mark can share the 20-point deduction.

That’s all for this week, see you next time out as we march through March.