After a disappointing season 3, we had news of Rangers relegation. We will compete with Rangers for the Div 1 title in what has been dubbed the Battle of Glasgow. William Wallace issues a rallying call

“Listen up you bunch of basstads. Last season was fucking disgrace. But the Gods have given us a chance to defeat Rangers up close and personal. This is why we are here. The Gers abandoned all decency. All pride and the great people of Scotland. We are here to remind them of that. Fight and you may get injured. Run and you’ll stay free of suspension, at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one season, just one season to come back here and tell Celtic and Rangers that they may take our Scottish Premier League, but they’ll never take our Windscreen!”

Everyone is pumped after that. 

Let’s get down to business. Rangers may lose a few players to relegation release clauses. And if they do we are going to steal them and turn them against their former employers.

No one leaves on a free. But now we’re in the same league we can attract their players without them being on the transfer list. Negri is the first to switch allegiance.

Other than that there is not a lot else out there. Out go Harper on a big-clubber, Dickov, Fullarton, Hogarth, Farrell.  In comes Anti Neimi (He’s Finnish) & Brian McClair’s regen. 

I expect this to be a 2 horse race. This is what we’re up against. 

Strong squad. If we get a chance to take some more of their players to sabotage them, we will.

We’ve got 4 good forwards and they are all on the scoresheet. Negri gets 2 on debut and it’s a good start. We lost our captain though but only for a couple of weeks.

Rangers also get off to a good start winning 4 – 0 against QPR.

Weighorst gives us more options in midfield.

Switched back to the traditional 2-3-1-2-2 to get all my forwards in the same team. It’s working but with less defenders we’re going to concede more. It’s more fun though.

Rangers lose at Norwich. We’ve opened up a 4-point gap early on.

Van Hooijdonk is a former Celtic player. A handy backup player for us. Cheap too. 

He comes off the bench to help dismantle a stubborn Shrewsbury defence. 

He helps again with an assist and an 8/10 coming on for an aging Van Vossen. He’ll be starting the next game.

League Cup action next. Niemi gets injured on his debut. With no back up on the bench we have to go keeperless. Bjorklund is no Steve Bruce or Fernando Couto but fortunately our strikers score more than they do. 

After 10 games we’re top, 5 points ahead of Rangers.

How am I allowed to sign this fella?

Because this fella is the regen of this fella

Rather be bald than have hair like that. But Jorge Cadete was a decent striker in his pomp. His regen Matues is well on board with taking Celtic and Rangers down when we teach him about his ancestor.

He makes a strong debut off the bench in a 3 nil win at Oxford. Then gets his first goal with his first start against Port Vale. 

Why didn’t I think of this last year? Probably because I’m making the rules up as I go along. That would explain it.

Oxford again in the 2nd leg of the LEague Cup. We can afford to roate and do enough to go through.

The Battle of Glasgow Head-to-Head Part 1.

This is why we are here. Beat them with Scotsmen and their own players. And boy don’t we just do that. It’s a massacre at Ibrox. 

No mercy.

That opens up a 14-point gap between us. We’re only 3 points ahead of third place though. 

League Cup action next. We’ve got some injuries, including Albertz who is out for a month, meaning Glass has to fill in at left wing back. It’s all going well until the final 6 minutes. Bugger.

Couple players came in to help us out. including Naymsmith who is Tom Boyd’s regen. 

20 games in 11 points clear at the top. Rangers are 6th.

At 33 years old I’d say that’s the last we’ll see of Ian

We’re blitzing this league.

It’s FA Cup time. Kind draw at home to Walsall.

Conceding a lot of goals recently. Fortunately our strikers turn up and we’re through. We’ve lost our anchorman for 6 weeks though. 

Sol Campvell is a former Rangers man and will be able to play in the anchor. Good signing this. Although it does leave me short on wages and only £5.5m left in cash. We’re losing £1m a month as it stands. Completely unsustainable. Will have to move a couple on.

I’ve got my eyes on Van Hoijdonk, Glass and Bjorklund moving on to balance the books. 

FA Cup 4th round away to Luton. Horror first half without our cup tied Campbell in the anchor. Change of personnel and we salvage a draw. I’ll take the replay.

Wieghorst is out the door for a slight profit. Haven’t really needed him.

Luton are swatted aside in the replay, Newcastle up next.

Sol Cambpell being cup-tied aside, were at full strength vs the Toon. We do just enough. Center backs 9, Shearer and Suker 6. That’s where we won it.

Into the quarters.

Bjorklund is off to Wigan

He’s not essential and saves us £24k a week on the wage bill.

Van Hooijdonk is also out the door saving us another £10k a week. That’s Campbell’s wages covered. 

Glass is also out of the first team and out of the door.

Lad-its-Tottenham in the FA Cup QF. Ain’t afraid of these, we’re better than them and we go to White Hart Lane and prove it.

Semi Final against Man Utd coming up. 

Billy McKinlay is back to provide cover. Newcastle massively overpaid, justifying the buy-low-sell-high default policy.

It’s transfer deadline day and Rangers are financially ruined meaning all their players are available. Laudrup and Amoruso don’t like their contract offers. But Collymore…

… and Richards see the errors of their ways and join the revolution.

And wouldn’t you just know it we got them next. Collymore’s arrival comes at a good time as Negri is injured.

The Battle of Glasgow Head-to-Head Part 2 goes as you would expect. Collymore has a blinding debut and celebrates Adebayor-style against his former employers.

And that victory wins the title. 

The Div 1 trophy wasn’t part of the Sword Quest plans but William Wallace takes the opportunity to smelt it right in front of the Gers supporters.

Wonder if we can smelt the FA Cup as well. It’s the last thing to play for this season.. Tough ask against Man Utd without Negri and Utd are too good for us.

But we’ll have another crack next year. 

Rangers don’t get promoted. So that’s them taken care of.

Our sights are on Celtic next and try and smelt at least one of the 3 big trophies before we can return to our homeland. 

Join us next week where Sword Quest continues!