Guten bonjola and welcome back to the always-a-little-too-long middle section of the season. It is season 5 here in Gijon, Spain, and we’re playing Champions League football for the first time. Can we capitalise on a decent start? Our one blot came against Atletico, with Real fading away a little. Let’s football.

Jose Veiga finally got his first Portugal cap, a news headline I neglected to tell you. Vitor Baia lost his place to Barthez at Barcelona and finally it’s Veiga’s time to shine. Unfortunately he makes a rash decision here and sees red, only for Ortega to miss the pen. All of that is the meat in a Bakayoko goal sandwich which sets us up to try and defend for the last half hour. Guerrero gets one back and there are a few nervous moments but overall, a big win.

Champions League time now and Ferencvaros haven’t really got the defensive tools to keep us at bay. Roberts, the Ian Rush regen, makes a good claim to replace the stricken Martin as he gets two in a rout.

More hard work as we go behind to Oviedo but that man Bakayoko continues his remarkable season with another double, and Ibrahim Ba settles matters.

I didn’t even apply for this! But no thank you, I have work to do.

We are of course the holders of the Copa del Rey and so drawing one of our bogey sides Zaragoza is not great news. It’s their keeper Juanmi who seems to turn up every time to thwart me and today is no different…for 84 minutes. Sibi eventually manages to beat him and Chad Sexington adds the second. That should make the second leg more comfortable.

Our other bogey team, Real Sociedad, are next to visit. Unfortunately, Veiga is banned and stand in Neil Alexander loses concentration after an hour and lets in 3 shots in 7 minutes. That is a blow.

We take out all of our frustration on Man Utd, battering them 5-0. Always satisfying.

Worthy of the shock defeat graphic.

What is happening here? It’s not worth thinking about the things George Graham will get up to in Serie A.

And to round off a strange week…

That defeat to the Hornets provides enough of a hangover for us to take advantage at the Bernabeu. A big result!

When I said the second leg would be comfortable, I didn’t imagine Arnarson getting a fifth minute red card. We deal with it properly though and end up coasting through. Good.

Celta’s Micker equivalent causes us all sorts of problems but thankfully Dan Eggen helps us out as we dig ourselves out of a hole.

We are on the cusp of Champions League quarter final qualification but then we serve up this horror show in Prague. We are second best throughout and deserve to lose.

It’s still very much in our hands with a trip to Ferencvaros to come.

Like the previous time we served up a disappointing performance, we come back with one of our best of the season. Barcelona are absolutely battered in their own back garden in front of 120,000 people. We have arrived, lads.

Then this. Maddening, but not critical.

The job is complete in Hungary. Another 5 star performance.

3 goals a game is pretty good. But who next?

That is not nice.

The goal rush continues at the girl from Brave. Bakayoko’s latest double heralds a milestone graphic.

Yep, he’s broken our record for most goals in a season. In December. He’s absolutely ludicrous.

Oh look it’s these again. Defeat in the first leg is a blow but not terminal.

Logrones are less of a threat. Bakayoko feasts on, well, everybody, but especially not good clubs. Martin is also finally fit again and helps himself to a goal.

See? The bank keep us out for 78 long minutes before the front 2 strike.

Deficit – overturned. It wasn’t easy but we stuck at it. 2 months without Father Phil.

The semi-final draw could be worse. In fact we’ve missed out our two title rivals and got midtable opposition.

What I didn’t mention was me turning down the Italy job then lead to them appointing van Gaal from Barca. Barcelona opted for Paco Fortes from Las Palmas, obviously for guiding them to promotion and then 11th and 12th placed finishes. Right. Anyway the point is his replacement is hopeless.

Bilbao are really struggling down in 19th and it’s clear to see why on this display. An easy win, and the end of today’s episode.

5 points clear, albeit Barcelona have played a game less. You have to be so consistent against this lot, they are all winning machines.

The B lads are also mint. They are miles clear but lost in the Copa so the overall world domination plan is on hold for another season.

These lads get the last word though. Absolutely sensational from front to back and the sky is the limit.

Next week could be a big week. There’s a very real possibility of a treble, although winning the Champions League at the first time of asking would be quite something. Hopefully we can keep everybody happy and rotated as we’ve got some serious talent only play in every third game or something.

Join me next week as we take season 5 to a conclusion. It’ll be the last post for a little while anyway as I’m taking a break from writing whilst I tend to the children over the summer holidays. See you next week.