Bonjour, and a very happy Vendredi to you! You join us in a familiar position at the halfway stage of season eight. We’re out of Europe and the League Cup, and have drawn PSG in the main cup, so that’ll probably be short-lived, but at least that way we’ll have no distractions from trying to finish strongly in the league. Let’s f*cking go…

We’ve suffered the usual defeats to PSG, Bordeaux, and Marseille, and drew 0-0 with a resurgent Monaco, but we’ve also dropped points where we really shouldn’t have, so hopefully we can avenge some of those poor results in the second half of the season…

The second half kicks off against Montpellier, and it’s looking like we’ve surrendered another lead and dropped more points, but Babs comes to the rescue with a late winner…

There are no surprises against PSG in the cup as expected, but being without Badi for a couple of weeks is worse news than the result itself in the grand scheme of things…

We make very hard work of beating eight (yes, eight!) man Monaco, with Barthez on fire again. It’s a valuable win that increases our gap over them from four points to seven…

Nantes are next, and it’s a pretty dull affair all round. We have zero cutting edge, and the only positive to take away is that it’s a second clean sheet in a row…

A random quick sale sees Jaume head to Belgium…

Being two goals down to in 20 minutes to fifth-placed Bastia is pretty bad, but having two goals of our own disallowed as we try and get back in it, certainly doesn’t help…

PSG have plummeted to 10th place under Didier Deschamps, with just three wins in 14 games, and yet we still can’t beat them. At least it’s not the usual hammering though…

A trip to Bordeaux is typically fruitless. We’re now nine points adrift of second place, so the focus is now on securing third with Bastia and Le Havre (who we play next) both breathing down our necks…

Speaking of Le Havre, Rambo draws first blood, but few could have predicted what was to follow, as we smash seven past them. It’s just what we needed after failing to score in our last four games…

Auxerre are floundering down in 16th, and even when they’re reduced to ten men, we can’t extend our lead, and end up paying the price as Bernie f*cking Diomede haunts us again…

This is far from ideal. That’s his season over…

Calle has been disappointing of late, so I decide to start Luis Tomas in his place against Nimes, and the youngster grabs his chance with both hands to make sure of the points…

Nice live up to their name a bit more this time around, and after an own goal for the hosts sets us on our way, Diaz adds some very late icing to the cake…

Betterton is on fire for Guingamp once again, but a couple of games on the bench has done Calle an absolute world of good, and he and Diaz make it three wins on the spin…

We return to the Chateaux, where Dick Strawbridge watches on as we leave with all three points, but not without conceding the obligatory late consolation goal of course…

Marseille are still sitting top of the pile, and after going a goal down, we look like coming back until for the second time this season, Nandi decides to go and f*ck things up…

We’re a tad too early for the Cannes film festival, but Babs is no stranger to the big screen, and he and Diaz deliver a blockbuster of a performance. What a carry on…

Lille are making a late charge for Europe, and take us completely by surprise, but despite the loss, our goal difference is eight better than Nantes’, so third place should now be all but guaranteed for another year…

And it’s just as well really, as Caen come to town and catch us off guard. I bet Mick McCarthy’s having a right old laugh at us now…

Gueugnon really are beginning to get on my t*ts now, and they ensure that we end the season with a third straight loss after an absolutely pathetic performance. Badi tried…

It’s getting to the point where I could just copy and paste the same final table at the end of every season, and no one would even notice. Just how do you compete with teams who are only losing three games all season?…

Worst. Prize money. Ever…

It’s not all doom and gloom though, as Calle went completely under the radar and ended up the league’s top scorer with 24 goals. And there was me thinking he had a bad season…

Time for the stat attack. Gone are the days of Leighton heading up the average ratings, as he didn’t feature this season, and has passed the baton on to Nandi and De Paula, who were followed closely by Babs. Calle was top scorer as I already mentioned, and this season’s king of assists was Big Badi Boy…

So there goes yet another season, and it’s definitely safe to say that we’ve firmly established ourselves as the best of the rest. The board always inform me that they’re either delighted or very pleased with my performance every month, so I’m in no immediate danger of being sacked at least. Join me next week where I’ll be hoping it’ll be perfect season ten. Au Revoir!