Bonjour all. If you are new to all of this, where have you been?! Other than enjoying yourself and living a life that doesn’t involve reading 10 minutes of retro nonsense on a Sunday morning. In short, we are managing three clubs under the entirely fictional umbrella of BEEFCO, a gag that has yet to raise a single chuckle amongst the dear readers. Nevertheless, things are going a lot better for one team than the other two. Bring on the winter months, hopefully we can have three happy clubs in ten minutes time.

A fairly low key fixture to bring you to kick us off today but it’s very rare you rack up THIRTY FIVE shots. The only surprise is that we scored twice.

Meanwhile in the French equivalent, playing second tier opposition helps us rediscover our mojo in front of goal. Jovic off the mark, Dunn impressive from the bench.

My theory that Palace really love the big games is once again backed up by a top performance against Liverpool.

Nice also back up their cup win with a solid league performance. That’s a good week.

I fear we are approaching the end of the first cycle of this project. BeefCo are preparing their best eagle to peck the eyeballs of these ungrateful players who have seemingly seen the writing is on the wall. Palace is the limit. Which is bad news for Dr Hibburt (ex Palace) and Richard Wright (already at Palace). Think of the money.

Palace are at it again, this time away at Chelsea.

We had a comment last week asking who Quinn was. This is him. He starts at Palace and I just decided it was better to blood him over playing an old Andy Linighan. He averaged 7.43 last season so will have to go some way to match that. His new partnership with Wicks is in its infancy but they could be around for years.

Will this help? Don’t. Panic.

Not immediately. Hofstede’s own goal is the biggest Hofstede own goal since Leonard cheated on Penny when out at sea.

Meanwhile old man Vialli (I shouldn’t call him that, rest in peace fine sir) nets a hat trick as the Palace train thunders along.

Progress in Holland too as De Graafschap are given a Halloween fright with a rare polished performance. A win from behind!

We really should be winning this against 10 men for 84 minutes but I find a man advantage is often irrelevant. We are picking up an alarming amount of injuries though, we aren’t blessed with great depth.

Nice make the obvious joke out of their fellow promoted side. Nothing big Casc can do this time!

Go Ahead then put in a performance worthy of the delicious line of breakfast snack they represent. The only pity is that it’s a cup victory.

Either way we have got a taste for it now. Another handsome away win helps ease us away from danger.

A timely reminder though from Bordeaux that we should know our roles and shut our mouths. Curse you, Lillian Laslandes.

Here at old Serie A festival day, Padovano nets a timely hat trick to punish uncle Festa for yet another misgiving. Branca nets a consolation- nobody cares.

That’s winter break time in Holland, with those wins looking really crucial to keep us above the dreaded dotted lines.

It’s a totally wild squad. I love them all in their own way but they’re mostly not particularly good.

For Nice, it is slightly rosier. In an 18 team league though you probably couldn’t call it midtable. I think there are more positives to take than negatives.

The Nice squad is still a work in progress. There’s a lot of the default squad there who I just want rid of but nobody wants them. A proper goalscorer would be a difference maker.

In England of course there is no break. Crystal Palace are really glad of it as Blackburn are the latest to feel our ever growing wrath.

Impressive as that is, it’s not nearly as impressive as going to Champions Arsenal and winning 3-0. What are we building here?

A title challenge? I mean Man Utd concede once every five games which is just plain silly. How are we meant to stop that?

The squad is full but the exciting thing is that we have a lot of players under 25 in the first 11 and subs. Granted there’s an obvious need for a succession plan in certain positions but let’s get into Europe first and worry about that later.

Richard Wright is a dream but it terrifies me if he leaves. Your keeper is the most important position in this game, in my opinion of course, so he would take some replacing.

That sets us up nicely for the next edition, whether that is to the end of the season or not remains to be seen. I wrote most of the episode sat on an aeroplane next to a tired 3 year old, please address any complaints on the quality to her. See you next week for more eagle beefery!