Hello, did you miss me? It’s been a while since we were last in Cowdenbeath. Let me catch you up…The World Cup happened, so did Christmas, the blog turned 8 and my daughter was born on Tuesday. Back to business now though and Cowdenbeath are going on a European tour! Here’s how we achieved such greatness…

Good day to you and to paraphrase Dermot O’Leary, your Sunday starts right here! Incidentally if you are lucky enough to have your Sunday start at 11am, I envy you. Anyway, we’re back with Cowdenbeath for the last time this year before we take a break for the most important cup competition in the world and also the FIFA World Cup. Yes, that’s a CM Cup plug. The Beath are third, leading the middle pack as the Old Firm are, in Motor Racing terms, lapping us. Let’s try and end on a high. We’ve conceded 5 times as many goals as Celtic, that’s ridiculous.

Good hello to you! It’s Sunday and we’re back for more Cowdenfun. Last week, we tried to get ourselves set up for life in the top tier. The results were fairly mixed, goals aren’t a problem but keeping them out is tricky. Celtic and Rangers are streets ahead of everybody, is basically what I have learned not just last week but over the previous 7 episodes. Let’s try and close the gap.

Good welcome to you! After 6 weeks of tomfoolery in the Scottish football league, Cowdenbeath have risen to the top, much like the cream that ultimately starts in the Cow that bares our name. As ever though we’ve had 4 months to prepare for the new season and with us now being a Premier League side, I can’t wait to see which washed up has-beens fancy coming on the journey with us.

Good morning and merry Sunday to you. The Beath Boys (not Brian Wilson etc) are second despite a poor run of form, which is giving me good vibrations. At this point, I seriously considered a whole episode of Beach Boys puns but God only Knows how poorly that would go down.

Good day! Welcome back to Cowdenbeath, where we are having the time of our lives. Back to back promotions have been secured, Division 2 proving a lot less of an obstacle than Division 3. Hopefully, that’s a sign of a club that is growing into a global force – one which still fields the Micker up top. Let’s get into season 3.

Welcome back to Central Park, where we try to convince people Cowdenbeath is actually New York. And by that I mean in the USA and not Rotherham. Anyway, things are going rather well. We’re 5 points clear at the half way stage and scoring goals for fun. For once, we aren’t letting them in for fun either, and in Clyde we have a great example of a truly terrible team.

Good morning! Welcome back to Cowdenbeath, where we’re basking in the glory of pinching promotion to Division 2. It was a final day dash but thanks to Montrose’s ineptitude, we did it. We have months to prepare for life in the third tier so let’s get back to the Summer of 98.

Hello! Last week we got back in the saddle – albeit rather ungainly as we took charge of the Blue Brazil, Cowdenbeath. Yes, I was worried when we lost our first four league games and yes I did consider Steve Coppeling (look it up) the whole thing but it was a lesson in perseverance or throwing as much sh*t as possible at the wall – something has to stick eventually. Right?

Hello! I really thought I was done, I had become devoid of inspiration in the world of CM9798 and the CM Cup was to be my only focus of writing for the foreseeable future. But time is a great healer, and as I sat on Zoom through July playing group games and having a frankly brilliant time with fans of the game, I realised I had more to give. That and my wife is due with baby number 2 in January, so it’s now or never really.

Anyway, my last save took me to Barnsley on the original version of the game. It was fun, I surpassed my expectations in terms of both ease and speed for making Barnsley a global force. I thought to myself, what else have I always fancied achieving on this game? and as usual, the simplest answer is usually the best.

I want to take a club from Scottish Division 3 to the Champions League and beyond. I know, I know – Peter Jones already did that on this very blog and we all had a great time reading about Alloa running wild. So now I want to do it and hopefully you’ll all come with me on the journey.

I’ve chosen Cowdenbeath for a few reasons. Firstly, I feel like there’s a number of beef jokes to be made including the blog title. It remains to be seen whether I go for Beef or Beath but either way. Secondly, they’re pretty terrible. I looked at the 96/97 table and they were 7th out of 10. Arbroath were bottom but they went on to get promoted in 97/98 and I don’t want that sort of expectation on my shoulders. Our lads were then 8th in 97/98, so basically they are poor at best and I have a clear conscience that these boys are at the bottom of the barrel and the only way is up.