In the fictional Champ Man world of 1997, many things can happen. Dean Smith can be turning Japanese, Niall Warnock can be on a managerial odyssey or Newcastle can become a team of South American stars.

I use the term stars loosely, as my La-Toon team have crashed out of both domestic cups and are adrift in the league, sucking in Man Utd’s vapour trails. They are, however, still in European contention, but more of that later.

The early season buzz of a team containing Jose Chilavert, Rene Higuita, Carlos Valderama and Diego Maradona is starting to wane a little as optimism seems to have turned into frustation.

Freddy Shepherd sends down a summons ‘We’re doing good, but we need to be doing better – play Diego more’

I explain I would if he bothered to turn up to training, or was even in the country most of the time.

‘Don’t worry about Diego, I’ll sort him out or he’ll face the music’ Freddy assures me.

The third, er…third, of the season begins with a trip to Selhurst Park and it’s hardly Samba time. A missed penalty, a red card, an own goal and Ruben Sosa are all needed for the three points. I’ll take them though.

Happier times at Anfield and for the Toon Army its almost carnival time. Sosa and Geordio combine for a double each and Diego even gets a cameo. Like that elusive striker on Sunday league, he turns up for the big games it seems.

Julio is interviewed on his thoughts on beating Liverpool and playing with Diego

Tony – Julio, another two goals, is the influence of Diego Maradona paying off for you?

Julio – El hombre una leyenda absoluta, but he seems more cannae for a music career like.

Tony – Music career?

Julio – Aye, el mans un chifaldo

Tony – Well, thanks Julio – there you have it.

‘It’ turns out to be the fact Diego has agreed to re-record Hey Macarena but change it to Hey Maradona. I’m fuming but Freddy is loving it.

‘We get 47p for each CD single Matt, it’s a money spinner!

The news isn’t a picture set up for the visit of Sporting Lisbon, and turns out to be as such. Diego comes on in the second half but can’t turn the tide.

The lads recover in the league to squeak past the Crazy Gang. Diego doesn’t fancy it and refuses to come off the bench, much to my dismay.

Julio grabs another hat-trick to see off future dog walker Trevor Sinclair’s efforts.

All of which sets us up for the return leg in the Champions League and we take a strong following to Lisbon’s where Diego inspires a turn around capped by Nobby’s winner.

Diego receives a yellow card when he performs the full ‘Maradona’ dance after scoring which adds 3 minutes in overtime.

Los Del Rio now insist on being part of the backroom staff.

Gulp!

Maradona is on a roll now, but we should have won this one

Against all odds, we create a lead to take back to the Nou Camp, but that away goal and 3 injuries worries me

Ruben has found his shooting boots and Barnsley are dispatched with minimal fuss

Just when you think you have found your groove, some Italians rock up to spoil your parrty

What have I, what have I done to deserve this?

We batter Barcelona, but even with 70 minutes against 10 men, we can’t find that illusive away goal and we’re so near yet so far to a Champions League final. It’s so disappointing

We take it out on Chelsea and find a first win in 4 games, thankfully!

Man Utd wrapped up the league a long time ago, but we have an outside chance of making 2nd place

We’ll need to win them all and hope Liverpool slip up

Everton strike late to give their neighbours a hand

In between, Sampdoria win an all Italian Uefa Cup final

We round out the league with a win over Blackburn

3rd will have to do

Rounding things up, Boavista shock in the CWC final

As do Monaco in the Champions League

Arsenal seal the FA Cup at the second attempt

I’m absolutely kicking myself at missing this chance to sign Tino!

Rumours that Ronaldo was benched due to a pre-match seizure are unfounded

My front two had a decent season, but we finish potless. Diego weighing in with a big 4 goals!

Just a quick look at the end of season awards

Well, that’s been fun, I’m already excited for season 2, I hope you are too! Adios por ahora!