Hello, Saturday mornings were once SM:TV but now they are NUFC with a Latino twist here at CM9798V1 Towers.

At the arse end of last season we got ourselves back at the big boys table in Europe and added the Uefa Cup to the recent FA Cup triumph but after 4 seasons, we still are not being taken seriously as title contenders.

To make ourselves seem more serious, I sell Tino to Leeds.

Bye Tino. It was not the second coming really.

I quickly reinvest the £2m and more so in this young Forward Right from Paraguay.

He looks like he can do a job

This should be a laugh a nice distraction. Johan Cruyff quit with the World Cup looming

I tell Freddy to relax, it won’t be a distraction. He tells me to get ourselves into the Champions League proper or else. New signing David saves our blushes but conceding 2 goals at home isn’t ideal really.

Its the very same score-line when we kick off our league campaign at Stamford Bridge. Neira is one of our old boys, so naturally he nicks a point for them

It’s even worse at home to Wednesday. We seem ok at going ahead, its the staying ahead that falters…

Nah, I have a job to finish here. Fergie has taken over as Spain manager from the sacked Clemente.

Chili saves our blushes against the Crazy Gang. You can leave your Hatton. We’re still searching for our first league win though.

C-Lo helps us through in Belgrade and I feel my job is safe – for now.

Might not be for much longer though, what a draw…

If I’d taken the United job, I could have snapped this fella up. Not Latin American though, is he?

However, we have Julio and Claudio upfront and we also have our first league win of the season. Happy Days!

United go for the Tosh.

This is a good win. Julio and Claudio seem to have gelled a bit now. Hopefully we can keep that back line tight too.

I really didn’t have to do much here to be honest. Hopefully I can sweet talk some big name Brazilians to come to Tyneside?

With it likely they won’t come, I have added some cut price reinforcements

Mendez is Ruben Sosa repackaged. I don’t know who Elber was, but he’s a FLC and I just hope he’s better than the fraud plying his trade in Munich.

De Souza is a well known bargain buy, hopefully after 4 seasons, he’ll be of some use.

This was an absolute dogs dinner. No, it was dogshit. The runny kind that messes up your trainers….

We start our Champions League group campaign in earnest. In all honesty, if we can only scrape through against these guys I’m not hoping for much…

De Souza has a debut to forget

Bradford are bottom of the table and they are playing Tomlinson in defence.

From drawing a blank with the basement club to getting one over on the league leaders. From the ridiculous to the sublime.

This is an even better result. Kluivert is usually less use than a chocolate fire guard, but of course he scores against us.

This is an eye raiser

Not as eye-raising as this scoreline though. I’ve ditched Chili for Zetti, but on this evidence we’ll have to keep scoring 4 or more to win….

Time for an International break and this was a procession…

Why do we always play crap against Sheffield United?

From that, to this. This team will drive me barmy, I’m sure of it.

We’re looking good at the half way stage

Look at this, 4 goals and no reply – oin our favour!

More of the same in the League Cup and a chance to try out a few new faces

Let’s round things off by beating Leeds, because, why not?

Freddy wants more though

You can see why really

10 points off top spot. We’ve already lost 4 games and conceded a goal and a half a game.

11 points from the drop zone too. We lost to Man City and drew with Chelsea and Bradford….

Maybe this guy can help turn the tide?

Find out next week and enjoy your weekend!