Hello there and happy Easter to you. I hope the Easter Bunny has brought you chocolate or whatever adults get for Easter. I’ve been on two separate egg hunts this weekend, which sounds a laugh but I’m bloody tired now and apparently it’s not the etiquette to share the eggs with your Dad. Meanwhile, back in Cowdenbeath we came second in the latest three horse race but this time Celtic came out on top. The sooner Michael Owen buggers off back south of the border, the better. So, what’s on the agenda this week?

Nobody wants to sign for us despite us tickling the shoulders of Europe’s elite for a second season (pending qualification). Meanwhile, Celtic land another of England’s best young talents in the game. He was actually born in Scotland and played for Scotland Under 21s but he’s 16 when the game starts so maybe they were hopeful he was going to pick England.

In terms of possible draws, this is one of the worst. In football terms at least. Socially, it would be a belter of a trip if we weren’t playing this virtually. I guess I’ll have to visit a real casino and possibly a harbour.

The squad is…well those I know are good. They seem desperate to flog some fullbacks which is no surprise considering they have about 8 of them.

The best I can sign is this tosser for £900k. Watch out, Monaco.

Opening day of the season arrives and we carry on where we left off. Naglestad is proving to be better than your standard stopgap.

I didn’t see this coming. We blow Monaco away, with Heidenstrom rolling back the years in the engine room.

Aye.

How do the players feel? This is particularly stupid from a man we rescued from Hartlepool. You’re 28 mate, this is as good as it gets.

The cup proves a real struggle against Clyde. I think we’re at the point where we struggle to get motivated for these second rate cup game against lower league opposition.

Naglestad has scored in every game so far this season and scoring in the first minute is a great way to continue that. Airdrie are brushed aside.

Off we go to Monaco and I’m so confident we won’t blow this, Pavlov is rested as he likes a yellow card. His replacement slots a first half penalty which means Monaco need 6. Even when Solskjaer equalises on the night I’m still not worried. Staddy gets his customary goal and even though we lose on the night, we’re in the groups. Job done.

It’s a doubley good night as Rangers drop points at home.

It’s not a bad group. Aside from Real Madrid. But otherwise, not bad.

Well I must be doing something right. Thanks but no thanks.

Raith Rovers are battered. The Coca-Cola Cup doesn’t know what to make of Pavlov’s 30 minute hat-trick.

Hearts are the first team to stop Naglestad scoring. We manage to win but it’s a bit of a struggle.

Maybe we had our eyes on the Bernabeu, where we go 2-0 up inside four minutes. It’s 4-1 at half time and to most people, that’s a good evening’s work. Not to us though. Raul decides to stop this humiliation and scores his second, third and fourth goal to snatch a point. We just never learn.

We injure Gerald Brisco early on at Firhill and that opens the door for Pavlov to score twice. Solano gets sent off very early on but it matters not.

We’re in total control away at Berwick and even when they equalise, I’m sure we’ve come through worse. Anyway we concede twice in the same minute, which if you think about it is an incredible piece of buffoonery. Like literally let’s say they scored on 52:01, presumably there was no celebration, play restarted and we gave the ball away and conceded again. What a 59 seconds.

Probably should of won.

Anyway, back to Raith Rovers in the league and a much better performance. 3-0 up at half time and we can rest Pavlov for Champions League Wednesday.

Naglestad! Imperative that we beat everybody who isn’t Real Madrid.

Time for our first Old Firm team match of the season. Little turd Owen scores but McInulty levels immediately. We live to fight another day.

But only one more day. A disaster of a performance at Falkirk sees us slip 2-0 behind and despite Bjorn’s best efforts, we taste our first league defeat of the season.

Our frustrations are taken out on Hibernian, where all of the front 5 net in a lovely day out.

We’re hopefully back on the straight and narrow now and despite falling behind at home to Spartak Moscow, Fotiadis scores twice in a minute to set up a second win. Pavdog and Naglestad add the gloss.

Halfway through the group stage and things are looking good. I didn’t expect Rapid Vienna to be our nearest challenger and it’s annoying because we have to go to Vienna yet.

We finish today with a nice win at Tannadice. Pavlov wraps it up with a beautiful (probably) free kick to really make Dundee Utd pay for their red card.

Barely anything to separate the top three, yet again. We haven’t faced Rangers yet this season but we will face them twice in 3 days in November – thank you fixture computer.

Here’s a squad update by value. I’ll run you through some things.

Pavlov has 16 in 15 this season, averaging 7.93. I love him. Naglestad has 13 in 17 but he cost £73k, so it’s all about levels. Syx (Wilmots) is coming on very nicely.

Bjorn will turn 38 soon but he is somehow getting better. I’m hoping Henk Adam (Emmers) will be ready to take over when he retires, he’s currently on loan in Belgium.

So that’s us. We’re getting somewhere but with the aforementioned Rangers double header on the horizon plus three big Champions League matches, there’s a lot still to play for. Hopefully that means you’ll join me next week to see how it all plays out. Enjoy the rest of the Easter break, goodbye for now.