Welcome back again to the Half and Half Premier League! Last week, Robbie Fowler’s match ban was extended to eight games with an additional five earned at the close of the month. If you want to be reminded why, you can do so here.

“(Christmas), and the scarves coming out! (Christmas), half and half’s all about!” Yes, it’s December and we must plough on through this field of s**** to the end of the season to reap what we have sewn. Derbyham Foresty, in no danger of financial trouble, sell their top scorer:

Surely that won’t be bad for business…surely. Even if he is The Dutch Le-Sulk. Executed perfectly, leading to a draw with the bottom side.

The results elsewhere are rather boring.

Kenny Dalgleish’s Suncastle bolster their ranks with a plan to hassle their way to the top of the league.

And a club that is practically Liverpool in everything bar name gets a shock from one of the leagues minnows. Calm down.

The Bromderers are the next to flash the cash, this time on a Romanian I’ve never seen signed in all the years playing this game. Is he any good? Tell us in the comments if you know!

The games keep coming and the Crystal Dons continue to enjoy it.

Portshampton are just dishing peoples arses on a plate to them, this time its…Arseham.

They do say the best meat is in the rump so no wonder this is a shock.

The final games of 1997 play out on New Years eve. Suncastle get royally screwed over as The Hassleman gets a long layoff after just 4 games in the Red and Black stripes.

They’ll be happy that in 6 weeks, they’ll be able to pair Alan Shearer with Danny Dichio. So there we have it. A City United have it all but wrapped up.

And the £3m bonus did not shift the bottom 3 at all. I mean, they didn’t spend anything.

And now for the monthly awards.

Robbie Fowler, ban extended by 5 games.

Paul Scholes, 3 game ban.

And Ed De Goey can see his ability reduced by 20 points. And with that, we are pretty much halfway through the half and half madness. Do stay with us for more of the same utter crap next time out in January.

Ciao for now.