The dust has settled in Belgium after Waregem’s unlikely league and cup double. Champions League football will be coming to the Roogy Boogy but are we ready for it? Well, no, obviously not. We have a 15,000 capacity stadium and barely a pot to piss in. That pot becomes even smaller when the board spent the entire budget on 5000 seats. Oh my.

So whilst the Roogy get a slight expansion, we’ll have to pick carefully how we strengthen the squad. For starters, Champions League football means we’ll have to adhere to the 3 non-EU rule for those games, so it’s probably a good idea to buy some EU nationals.

Duncan Ferguson is my first signing. He’s no spring chicken but he’s a difference maker. A battering ram if you will, and my third Scottish striker. Christian Kempkens arrives to battle Fessem for the goalkeeper jersey, he’s got 2 caps for Germany so he can’t be too shabby. Creve is a defender/midfielder who will cover Emmers’ 38 year old legs, whilst Daniel Mutchell is an England Under 21 who, critically, has an EU passport, something Monka and Kumar can’t claim. That’ll be vital. Quinton Fortune doesn’t but he’s free, whilst Ceulemans plays in the always hilarious defender/forward right position, because there’s been so many of them down the years.

With the squad beefed out it’s time for the Belgian Charity Shield, where we are given a reminder that we are really not all that good.

Nevertheless, the league season gets underway with a tepid 1-0 win away at Genk

Good old Emmers. Never retire.

Goals are already looking a problem. The shots we have are wayward. Were the two Scottish lads just having a purple patch last season? Chilean Musrri scores here but it’s a poor result

The problems continue away at Lommel. This is unprecedented with this formation. Is it the AI working out the tactic? It certainly didn’t in 5 seasons at Aberdeen.

No. It’s the children who are wrong.

There’s only one thing for it…Big Dunc starts against Standard Liege.

Big Dunc!!! Welcome to Belgium. Crisis over?

It’s a very kind Champions League draw, being very honest. There’s no obvious favourite and we’ll just have to hope we can scrape 3 or 4 wins to get through, I can see a lot of teams beating each other.

Meanwhile Aberdeen continue to degrade themselves

Armed with Big Dunc, we’re off to Antwerp.

Poor. Dunc has a goal ruled out. He’s a difference maker, with him around, we might be ok

You-fucking-what? Obviously I refuse the approach but he goes anyway. Well that was a short lived love.

Great

Don’t rub it in. Also, Scottish International? Hmm.

More misery follows at home. Is it the new seats? We’re only half full anyway.

For our first Champions League game we’ve got a striking crisis. Monaghan is yet to score this season and the other two are injured. I guess Hoekstra can do a job up front and we’ll figure out the 3 non-EU thing.

Great time to get your first goals of the season. Phew.

That might prove to be a season changer, as we then waltz into RWDM and win 4-1. Monaghan has the taste again.

Another win, this time against Mechelen, makes it a September to remember.

I’d rather smear jam on my eyelids and be attacked by angry wasps

Thanks though.

Champions League fun continues and this time Buchanan gets a rare goal to nab us a vital point in Prague.

Lovely stuff. We should really win in Aalst too but given how poorly we lost there last season, I’m not too upset with a point.

Germinal Ekeren remain a mystery. Who are they? What do they want? They lose 1-0.

Really glad we spent all our budget on those 5,000 extra seats.

Champions League time again and our old failings are visible again. A bad result no matter which way you look at it, I choose to look at as 15 shots to 1. 4 on target is awful. Bring back Dunc.

Naturally our next move is to follow that up with a 0-0 draw away at Lierse. They are surprise leaders at this stage so it’s not a bad result but our famous ability to find goals from somewhere is being severely tested.

Fortunately Beveren are terrible. Our two scorers have a combined age of over 70.

Off to Greece for the latest installment of amateurs do the Champions League and somehow Buchanan pulls himself together to score twice. Art attack.

What a grim group. A grim group that we top and are unbeaten in. Sparta Prague at home and Maccabi Haifa away will finish the group.

We’ll finish with a league game, where incredibly both strikers score.

That leaves us 5th, with Antwerp the surprise leaders. They were managed by Roy Hodgson but he took the Sunderland job after I turned it down. Incidentally the job was available because Peter Reid went to Liverpool. Strange game, sometimes.

Surprise leaders all round as Aston Villa lead the way. Man Utd have never finished outside of the top 2 since the launch of the Premier League, having won the last 6.

Great times always then from Belgium, setting us up nicely for the middle sprint and the lovely month off I get for Christmas. It’s bubbling up well. See you next week for round 2.