Hello hello! Welcome to Season 4, where the CM9798 Academy will have to find a way to bounce back from the disappointment of missing out on the First Division playoffs last season. I promised a squad overhaul but with nobody to keen to buy from us, I’ll just crack on with the new blood. A reminder of the rules:

• Free Transfers
• Aged 23 or under
• All bids accepted by Ike Mashley.

Here are my 6 new faces who are going to propel us to glory…I hope.

Fleming will come in as captain, whilst Deary will be the new starting left wing back. McCormack will be the right sided wing back whilst Williams will compete for a start up front with Billing, Howard and Pearson, though Pearson is entering the last chance saloon.

I might not be able to shift players but one former Academy player on the move is Michael Twiss…

What’s stupid about this is that Chelsea have just been relegated. They will surely win the league and with also-relegated Everton in the mix, getting out of this division has never seemed tougher.

We start away at newly promoted Wrexham and…we get stuffed. Bit of a concern, I won’t lie.

A weird twist of fate (not you, the Hardy Boyz) means we face Bury three times in a row. Twice in the League Cup and a league game sandwiched in between. The home leg is a comfortable win and Dr Death Steve Williams is off and running.

Our defence is going to be a problem this season. Call it a hunch. At least Bury are equally leaky and we win 6-4. We’ll see them again in 3 days for the second set.

Three more shipped. Unbelievable tekkers man Andy Ansah gets two more but we get away with it. That’s 11 conceded in 4 games but we won’t play Bury every week.

We will however play better teams. Like Chelsea.

Twiss doesn’t celebrate his 30 yard rocket. Look at this squad man. It would be competitive in the Premier League but under the watchful eye of Des Walker (who got them relegated) they are in good shape to go straight back up.

Huddersfield at home. Should be a laugh? It isn’t. My word we are rancid.

3-0 down to Everton inside 32 minutes. That makes it only one match this season where we haven’t conceded three goals. Some half time home truths see us restore some pride but we’re in all sorts of trouble here.

At least Billing is still scoring goals. He did briefly interest Leicester but they settled on Des Hamilton instead. That’s 100% true. Anyway, Billing nets twice to help see off Birmingham before departing on a stretcher. That’s cruel.

Two months out. An expensive day for us.

Never mind though, a home game with QPR will give us the…ah diddly hell dong crap, can’t you morons do anything right?

I’m sure we had good intentions but we’re in the relegation zone. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Another home game, another disaster only just averted.

It’s not hard to see where I’m apportioning the blame. Heritage not having a good time of it.

When things are going badly, I do what I always do. I put Cox in. Immature jokes are all I have.

In Cox we trust.

I would go as far as to say I love Cox.

Cox out.

Literally that second half at Hull was like playing without a goalkeeper. Every shot flew in. Come back Heritage, all is forgiven. It also brings an end to those sorts of jokes, to the relief of everyone.

Off to Southend on sea and Dr Death is really coming up with the goods. Buckley has been moved alongside him and they’ve formed a reasonable partnership. We’ve never been good at defending but it’s also never been so vital that we are capable of scoring three or more to win a match.

Peterborough are the only team in the league to have scored more than us, so our visit there should bring goals, goals, goals. They are 4th yet somehow we cancel each other out into a 0-0. Heritage weeps at full time, his first league clean sheet of the season.

After seeing off Reading 1-0 at Elm Park it’s rather more comprehensive at the Arena. At least if we get relegated we know we can still smash the second division.

Well, this my sting a bit.

A clash with 2nd placed Middlesbrough will bring this update to a close. We have to dig deep after going 2-0 up and an onslaught from Noel-Williams, Merson and Griffiths is withstood. A much needed three points that just about keeps our season going.

Let’s look at the table. A few things…Chelsea’s defence is outstanding, Everton somehow are only 9th whilst QPR are looking well placed to go up even at this early stage. Our losses to Huddersfield, Wrexham and Chelsea don’t look so bad all of a sudden. You will notice though that we aren’t in the top half…

There we are! Just 6 points off the playoffs which at this stage is not too bad. Obviously the goals against column is a concern, as is the fact that Bury got 7 against us across two games. They’ve just sacked their manager. Poor Stan.

Billing is just a few weeks away from a welcome return but the obvious concerns for us are at the other end of the field, where we’ve totally forgotten how to defend. That’s an itch we are struggling to scratch. Do join me next time to find out if we can salvage something from this rocky start. Toodles!

Have you voted for your Greatest CM9798 Team yet?