The Retirement Academy – Part 11: A hole in the Boaty

Greetings and welcome back to Holland. Season 4 is well underway but the Retirement Academy are finding progression tough. We’re not quite in the relegation spots but if we don’t improve soon, we’re only going one way.

See? Just a couple of minutes of joy, that’s all we get.

This, however, is one of our most impressive results to date. We come from behind thanks to Spoonz including a last minute winner. Yay!

Munoz Carlos you old dog! He looks like he has snatched us an impressive win at AZ but instead, it’s a draw. JUMP.

A particularly wild night at home to PSV where we go from 1-0 up to 4-1 down. It’s 3-2 when the Wolfman gets sent off and even then, we get it back to 4-3 and lose. Right.

It’s a bad start at Heerenveen but our mate Spork gets sent off again and the front two do the damage. I hope neither ever leave.

Typically we play the same opposition in the cup a week later and lose. We have never been beyond the second round of the damn pints cup.

Bebeto! His second half winner could prove vital as we see off the telephone company.

We are at least keeping the points total moving. We can’t hold onto a lead at MVV but a point away from home is a rare success for us.

Oh no. OH NO. Boaty is out for 9 months. He’s not pregnant but he has broken a leg. That’s a nightmare. I don’t know how we replace his goals.

This is a sign of things to come. Lots of chances not taken and Viveros nicks the visitors a point. Urgh.

Thankfully the old lads score twice in 3 minutes to ease our worries, temporarily at least.

Possibly our worst performance ever follows though. Sparta only have 10 men for 80 minutes but still plunder 18 shots to our 6. Bebeto misses a pen at 1-0 and that proves to be catastrophic.

We finish with a point at home to Roda. It’s not great but they are 7th I guess.

That leaves us 12th as we go into the delicious one month break. Already one month closer to Boaty being back. We’re so average it’s criminal really, if we win our next game 2-0 we will be deliciously symmetrical though.

I really want to sign an old DM to free up a space in the attack for a younger lad. This guy looks absolutely atrocious but he is old (or at least he will be soon).

I have however signed this man:

He’s crap really but his vitals are reasonable. We’ll see if he can make a difference.

Join us next week for the transfer window followed by the end of the season.

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