Good morning to you! Ahh the run in episode, which is really hard to get excited about in Holland because it is practically half the season. I blame the Pints Cup for this. Anyway, it’s January, the Retirement Academy are 5th, yes FIFTH and chasing European football. I hope 5th is good enough, I’ll be honest, I don’t know for sure. Here’s the state of play where we pick things up.

Ah yes I forgot to remind you that Betterton is still injured so old Jacques is still in goal as we welcome AZ. Unlike the cup game, he’s a disaster and we lose 4-1. Pallister junior goes off injured which leaves us quite short of centre backs. I do regret loaning out some of the fringe players.

Australian chap Chris Coyne is pressed back into action but with Songo’o still between the sticks it’s like being thrown into the lion’s den with meat strapped to your genitals. We lose 4-2 and 40CC is sent off.

Heracles aren’t very good but we’re struggling badly here at the moment. Deeley briefly restores parity but that’s a brief respite as we go on to lose. That European spot is slipping away.

Willem the second are chasing us down and score twice in the opening 4 minutes. This isn’t fun. Betterton resumes training just after this.

Thank goodness. Deeley the one man show after Slot briefly ruins things. Slot remains a funny name

Happy Miura day! He’s finally old enough to play for us but Michel puts us up the Kreek without a paddle.

Long, long overdue but Boaty negates the need for a paddle and scores us a vital away win at Veendam.

The fun and games continue at home to lowly Den Haag. We trail 3-1 before getting a vital goal back on the stroke of half time. I tell the lads that they are frankly appalling human beings for getting themselves into this situation and we need to sort it without delay. Or words to that effect. Boaty scores twice in the dying minutes, clearly fearing what the dressing room would be like had they lost.

We lose at Sparta yet again. Forever and always.

We’re losing at home to Groningen. When all else fails, throw on the Micker. He snatches a point and we’ll have to hope our form turns around soon.

NOT NOW. £800k is nothing for this man. You will be missed.

Could have said no like but obviously the bright lights of Selhurst Park are too hard to turn down.

Another defeat, though I guess now it’s expected seeing as we’ve lost our forward.

A home draw with NAC will do. The Micker equalises immediately after we go behind but I think that’s it for Nikolai’s old formation.

I think it’s time for the MW to return. It seems to work with the right players which we definitely didn’t have last time we tried it.

Utrecht are bottom of the table but that hasn’t really mattered to us lately. The recalled Lopez Vallejo gets us up and running and we pick them off for three massive points.

Tell you what, we might be on to something here. A huge win over PSV with two of the older lads netting. Life in the old dogs yet.

A shock defeat you say?

This is a huge win. The type of away win you love, where you defend great and nick a goal on the break. I’m pleased some of the lads have stepped up once Boaty left.

All of a sudden it’s last game of the season time and we need a win and hope other results go out way to finish 6th. I don’t even know if 6th will be good enough for Europe but we can only try.

Fortuna favours the brave – even Klinsmann scores.

Willem craftily haven’t finished their season yet. They just need to win at Groningen to pip us.

Ha! Their Vergoossen is cooked.

6th it is then. The start and end of the season was good, the middle was horrific. Have we found another formation to persist with?

Clearly though without Boaty we need others to step up. Pizzi junior will be worth another look after his loan and Rudy Keur, a DMC, got into the Holland Under 21s squad so he must have potential.

Bellamy & Watt are great centre backs. Betterton is the GOAT. We need more from attackers other than Deeley.

Insert Moses joke here

Betterton does the double again at the awards

The overall awards:

Retirements time and it’s our biggest set of losses yet.

Old Jacques says that game in the Amsterdam Arena was a sign to call it a day. I agree.

Robbie Slater, see you later.

Bebeto was ok for a bit but then utterly hopeless. Goodnight.

We waited months for you, Miura. Considering he’s still playing in real life, he’s got another 20 years left yet.

I don’t think we’ve made the UEFA Cup cut, but I guess we’ll get that confirmed next week. Until then, toodles for now!