The Retirement Academy – Part 17: Watt Power

Hola! Not sure why I opted for Spanish there but what’s written is written. It was a bleak start to season 6 in some ways, as we exited the Pints Cup at the group stage but found ourselves up in 4th after 7 games. There’s a saying about having to step back to go forwards but I’m not overly sure that is the case here. We will however endeavour to find out.

See? We’re losing at home to De Graafschap but the little Paraguayan Melgarejo steps off the bench to equalise. I thought “I wonder what his actual career was like” but he has basically no Google footprint – which is a thing, I promise you.

Roger Janssen has been an unlikely hero this season but he’s really stepped up since Boaty left. Incidentally, Boaty can’t get a game for Crystal Palace because they signed Gabriel Batistuta. Life, oooh life. Anyway, Roger rogers Veendam and we’re back on the winning trail.

He’s at it again at home to Heerenveen. Just the two this time but him and Spoonz are doing well together.

Ajax away is a real free hit but we only lose 1-0 so that’s nice.

Sparta have been a bit of a bogey team for us and so when it’s 0-0 after 80 minutes I’m expecting the sucker punch. However, Sirakov rolls back the years and Roger seals it. We’ve developed a spine.

Roda are another team who have done us over a few times and sadly history repeats itself as we’re 2-0 down in 20 minutes. Mysterious Melga makes it 2-1 late on but there’s no rescue act.

The Micker! He’s been working hard at not training but his recall results in him opening the scoring. Janssen’s injury is a concern but turns out to be just 2 weeks.

He’s at it again! This time away at PSV. We love the Micker. Sadly some guy called Koning equalises. Still a good result though.

This is a woeful result at home to Vitesse. I wish we didn’t throw these games in every now and again.

0-0 with Den Haag. Insert joke about the Hague here.

After a pathetic run in front of goal, Rog returns and so do the goals. Spoonz plays in behind the Micker and goal machine Janssen and we run riot. Melga gets sick of me telling him he’s a fake and gets sent off for a horrible foul.

Roger is banned for the visit of AZ. Accumulation of cards. Thankfully the Micker is getting in the Christmas spirit and helps himself to an early double – then scores twice. Good result.

That starts the month long break and I couldn’t be in a happier mood for it. It’s also the transfer window so Sonny Silooy departs. £13k you say?

With a squad space available I’ve decided to sign this guy. I don’t know who he used to be or anything but his stats looks very handy indeed and seeing as we’re playing a LW, a RW and an AM, he could be vital.

Oh Watt. Please don’t leave.

He’s really quite good. Look at those averages. He’s worth £4.2m

Just time for one more game and it’s a bit of a classic as we trade blows with Volendam. It looks like a point but Laudrup has other ideas. No, you Vukov!

That leaves us 5th, below Willem II on…not alphabetical order? No idea. Still, we’re in with a real shout of European football if we can hold it together.

I feel like this is a good time to recap the squad. It looks messy but I took the decision to loan out the younger players who need to develop. Limber (Gazza) is getting regular game time at Bournemouth but the others are in and out.

Keur is attracting interest from AZ and Feyenoord whilst Betterton is wanted by most of the Premier League. I don’t know why the aren’t bidding, just biding their time I guess to probably ruin our run-in.

Next week promises to be an historical one. We need to qualify for European football. If we don’t, I’ll set myself on fire. No wait, that was Kane before the 1998 King of the Ring. If we don’t, I’ll probably resign, as this is going nowhere fast. Let’s go!

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