What’s your Beath? Part 20: Oakley Doakley

Hello and happy Sunday. Things are going reasonably well in Cowdenbeath as we embarked on our first ever Champions League campaign whilst still keeping touch with the Old Firm at the top of the table. Let’s see how the tricky mid-section develops.

Some great news to begin with – Pavlov’s signed a new deal! Sure, £19k a week is financially unsustainable for us but at least he can’t leave without my say so now. And I’ll always say no.

Partick Thistle have a goalkeeper called Bagioni who saves everything. Luckily we get the joy of Syx as the young Belgian substitute nicks the points.

Airdire very nearly pinch a point too but Pavloc returns from suspension to net twice and give us the win.

In the Champions League we are matching Rangers for a half before they turn it up a level. Oakley tries to drag us back in but to no avail.

It’s going to be close, we really need to get something in Lisbon to have a chance I fear.

We’re dominant here but we just can’t score. Eventually Dale equalises against 10 men but this is a poor result.

Maybe we need to replace Russ Bull.

Partick again next and this time they go 2-0 up before getting both keepers sent off. Pavlov is the grateful beneficiary but we got away with one there.

Meanwhile, look who is at it again. It really is a bogey team for Celtic.

We’re so close to getting the point we crave in Lisbon only to be cruelly denied at the death. That means we will need to beat Rangers, assuming we see off Ekranas.

Hearts are brushed aside, for once they don’t fanny about with a goal from nowhere.

Celtic though prove too strong. We need to borrow Raith’s defence for these games.

Oh man. The last remaining big club release clause. Please don’t go.

If he is going, he’s taking the match ball with him. Ekranas are very poor.

First place is impossible but looking at the other groups, a win would definitely see us through as one of the two best runners up. A draw would leave us needing a few favours.

OAKLEY! What a lad.

Alloa prop up the division for a reason. They are no match for us.

It’s a draw at Ibrox which isn’t the worst news.

This guy is attracting interest from Liverpool and Arsenal so I’m going to swoop in for £1m.

£450k will get you this man. I hate buying goalkeepers, they are so vital but also so hard to find.

My turn to be shut out by Raith. It’s only fair.

Must win then in the last Champions League game. Barmby gives us the lead but Denilson spoils a good story. That in itself speaks volumes.


10 points is not enough. 12 would have done it.

We get the ultimate revenge. Rangers’ unbeaten league streak is the stuff of legend but when Rob Page gets a first minute red card, the door is ajar. Nick Barmby seems to have a taste for it at the moment and scores the winner. Just call him Brock Lesnar.

The Southall regen is now available! I’ll have him as well, for £500k.

We edge past Hibs to keep the good times going.

This is annoying. Ahead three times only to draw with Airdrie, we need to cut out this sort of result.

Yes, that is Andy Myers scoring the winner for Hibs. Rangers are flapping.

Dundee Utd are seen off. It’s not convincing but it doesn’t have to be.

Partick come very close to frustrating us again but a late Solano header on only his third game back from that big injury. Phew.

With 16 league games to go, Celtic top the pile. Possibly the first time that has happened in 19 previous episodes. Rangers have only conceded 5 goals in 20 games. That is madness.

Everything is set up nicely for a genuine three horse race to culminate next week. It’s a shame we are out of the Champions League but the FA Cup will soon begin and we’ve got a good chance of finishing in the top two again. If Rangers are to mess this up, they will be bankrupt in no time with their wage bill. Celtic are already showing signs, if Owen would leave that would be tremendously helpful. See you next week for the end of season excitement!

Thank you for all of your messages regarding my Gran passing away last week. I really appreciate the support.

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