What’s Your Beath? Part 25: If you go down to the Woods…

Morning! Welcome back to Cowdenbeath, where the dust has just about settled on season 9. Unfortunately, you’d have to say it was a failure. No cups, no league and only saved by securing another chance of Champions League football, as long as we can negotiate the qualifier. Let’s go and see what Season 10 brings.

Shearer’s regen has been named after…you know what, finish that sentence however you want. The whole screenshot has a lot going on.

Wilmots junior has been excellent. Obviously I say no to his request but it’s a reminder that we need to get a shift on.

Now, this is interesting. I went to see how Mowgli was getting on and he seems to have vanished. This though very much looks like his regen, again. Long term injury-based retirement? Who knows. But he’s unavailable for transfer. Watch this space.

Who fancies Lithuania? It’s not glamorous but it’s very winnable.

The season starts with us hitting 5. Naturally we also concede twice but that’s just our way.

OH HELLO. Newly promoted Clydebank causing ructions.

Rangers start with a draw too. End the season now.

A 5-0 win in Lithuania is just what we needed. I can confidently say we’ll be in the group stages.

It’s a goal a minute, well for three minutes at least, in Dunfermline. We’re through to Round 3.

Our first trip to Ibrox of the season comes very early on. Gattuso plays like a man on a mission and nets an 8 minute hat-trick. He played 2 games on loan for us remember. Just saying, I’d have him back you know.

The stats tell a different story.

That’s enough for Pavlov. It’s a no from me.

The second string record a less convincing second leg win. Still, the job was done last week.

Oh come on now. This is not a nice group.

On the plus side, Weah’s regen’s regen is here.

And straight into the goals at home to Hibs. This might get fun.

Blow your whistle for Partick Thistle!

I don’t even care that they do us over on penalties in the cup. Biagioni, the keeper, averages well over 8 every season. I hate him but also want to be him in equal measures.

The state of this.

Back to business at Raith whose once solid defence has now been picked apart. All the non-EU lads are on the scoresheet – I should point out Solano is out for 2 months but once he is back they’ll have to take turns.

This is a good result for us at Ibrox. No winners and Mr Raw Meat can sit out for a few games.

Play that Champions League music as Pavdog puts in a memorable performance, bending in what I presume to be a fine free kick to make it 3-0. A great start.

Clydebank then injure him, which is an inconvenience to say the least. Luckily, it’s only two weeks and we have many forward options these days.

Rangers take another loss.

Celtic are also held. Could this be our year?

Tarlue eventually sees off Bagioni and friends. Momentum is building.

We play so well against Rangers in the Champions League and when Grieves heads us in front on 76 minutes I think I’m well within my rights to think we will win. But we don’t, because Rangers are like the Furchester hotel.

I need somebody to take Michael Owen away from the Scottish league. For my health, and everybody else around me. I hate him. He dishes out another Old Firm defeat for us.

Montrose were our season 1 rivals and it’s taken them another 9 seasons to get to the Premier League. Matt Jansen scores a hat-trick for them here but the damage is done by Tarlue and friends.

Hearts are always tricky but we’ve got the quality to see them off.

This is big. A win in the San Siro! Wonders never cease.

It’s enough for second in the group, which is worrying as we need to go to Ibrox.

A nice win over Falkirk wraps up the days play for us.

But not before Rangers lose again to the B team.

And Celtic draw a blank against new boys Clydebank. Amazing how they have these games where they can’t hit a cow’s arse against everyone except us.

Still, I can’t complain. We are three clear of Celtic and 7 clear of Rangers with 10 games gone.

Rangers’ superstar goalkeeper is out injured for 6 months, so it’ll be interesting to see if they replace him or just put up with the understudy. If only something similar could happen to a certain Mr Owen…

I’m pretty happy then as we draw this week to a close. We’re making the running for the first time in a while and it’s nice to not have to chase. If we win all 26 remaining games, we will be champions. Simple isn’t it? See you next week.

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