A tale of cigarettes, grappa, time travel and hopefully goals
Season 1 – 1997/98
The idea behind this save is a simple one, Dario Hubner has travelled back in time to see if his professional career would have been different if he had been, well, a bit more professional. The man lovingly nicknamed Tatanka or Bisonte didn’t sign a professional contact until he was 22 years old, and he didn’t play in Serie A until he was 30.
What he did manage, in the 2001/02 season, despite his fondness for smoking cigarettes and drinking grappa, was to become, at the age of 35, the joint top scorer in Serie A, scoring 24 goals for Piacenza. He missed out on the opportunity to play for Italy in the 2002 World Cup, despite the Italian public being keen to see him in an Azzurri shirt, Trapattoni didn’t select him. He also went on a tour of the USA in the summer of 2002 with Milan, however Ancelotti was put off by his smoking. Who would have thought?
As I understand it Dario is quite happy with his career and doesn’t regret anything. Fortunately for CM9798 blog readers I’m not of the same option, after all I’ve witnessed him score 16 goals in 9 games for Real Madrid as part of a side of uncapped superstars.
We join the story at the start of the 1997/98 season, Dario Snr has travelled back in time (it’s not really important how this was possible) and convinced 16 year old Dario Jnr to travel to Venice in the year 1997 to begin his career a new, at Venezia. Why Venezia, why not? After all they have a pretty groovy orange and green home kit in the game.
Dario Snr will act as Dario Jnr’s agent and mentor, he has secured a two year contract worth £800 / week. He has negotiated a unique bonus scheme in order to ration both their vices. After all we don’t want mini Hub making the same “mistakes” as the OG version, but it wouldn’t be right to go cold turkey, they might after all be part of the secret to the Bisonte’s success.
Bonus scheme
In the match day squad for a team win – one shot of grappa and one cigarette
Goal bonus – one shot of grappa and one cigarette per goal
Hat-trick bonus – one bottle of grappa and a pack of 20 cigarettes
Venezia are pushing for promotion and so along with a 16 year old striker, they have strengthened their squad with a few well, or not so well known players.
In true interfering agent style D. Snr has insisted that mini Tatanka be the focal point of the attack, so the coach has developed a unique formation for the season.
Despite all this, it is a slow start for Jnr, he fails to score in his first two outings. He does however earn a cigarette and a shot as a win bonus in the cup match against Monza.
Goal number one of this little adventure is scored against Chievo in a 3-2 win, unfortunately some underlying anger issues surface, Jnr Bison only last 30 minutes of the game before seeing red. One can only assume he was over excited by the prospect of the extra shot and cigarette that he lost his head.
s Dario takes a little break to smoke his hard earned cigarettes, watching from the stands. Venezia continue their good form, winning four games on the bounce before registering a hard fought draw against Reggina. Little Tatanka returns with a bang away to Pescara, having used up all his rations during the suspension he scores four of the five goals in a sublime victory.
Jnr follows those four goals with the equaliser at home to Treviso, every little helps.
After scoring five goals in two games and taking his tally of cigarettes and grappa to 30 ciggies, 10 shots and a bottle of grappa Dazza takes a little scoring break. Venezia fans have to wait two wins, a loss and 21 shots at goal until Dario finally makes the net ripple again in a draw with Reggiana.
After Reggiana Hubs has got his eye back in, scoring his second hat-trick of the season, that’s a return of four cigs, four shots and a bottle, not bad for 90 minutes of work.
A Venezia scout returns from his tour of Africa, singing the praises of 30 year old Cameroonian Marie Jose Tchango, he looks good on paper but he is a grumpy sod.
“Papa” Tchango gets a rating of 9 in the next game against Genoa, he is only out shone by Brazilian U21 international Alessandro de Souza, who has been magic so far this year. Bisonte comes off the bench to bag a brace and a few more shots grape brandy.
New year comes and goes, a few of the Venezia players are starting to get some attention before the transfer window closes, including Dazza Jnr. Parma are after the 16 year old but after a chat with Daz Snr it is decided the little Tatanka will see out the season with Venezia before making a decision in the summer.
Feeling confident in their decision Little Hub scores two goals in two games, helping Venezia to six more points.
Those goals convince Lazio and Parma to make offers for the young Bison, however he’s not going anywhere, for the rest of this season at least.
The party to celebrate Dario staying with the team gets a little out of hand so the young Bison will be forced to sit in the stand and work through his collection of cigarettes.
After returning from injury Dario fails to score a goal until mid-April, but the team continue winning and he is happy to collect his cigarette and grappa bonus just for being part of the match day squad. He finally puts the ball in the back of the net against Lucchese, his goals securing promotion for Venezia.
The little Bisonte obviously enjoyed his month off because after helping Venezia gain promotion to Serie A he’s injured again. Another month off, this time it’s a pulled hamstring. He does make it back in time for the final game of the season, signing off his time in the Italian second tier with another brace, his final total for the season is 18 goals.
Along with Tatanka, there are some other strong performers. Antonioli has some awful stats but contributed eight assists and ten goals. de Souza and Lantignotti were also excellent and will hopefully make the step up to the next level. Big Walter Z was pretty solid for a 37 year old but I’m not sure he has much left in the tank and Bakero, the other OAP was very good, but again, he probably only has a season left in him at most.
Finally, because who doesn’t love a spread sheet, here is a little table I have put together to track Hub Jnr’s achievements. Join the Bisonte for season 2, will he still be at Venezia or will Lazio, Parma or another club look to sign him over the summer break?
