Hello everybody and welcome back to Germany where my Cologne team have had to become tight at the back and protect the fraud that is Oliver Kahn in goal. Here’s a quick overview of the squad as it stands

No real superstars ,are there? Bierfhoff has been our main goal threat but he’s knocking on 33 years of age now, while Purk’s goals have shrivelled up.

Balling gets the nod ahead of Purk and it turns out to be the right choice away to Bochum.

Champions League action next and despite a rush of blood to the head for Kevin, Alan Shearer’s Newcastle are narrowly dispatched. Not sure why we played better when a man down, but there we go.

Not that I think it will make much difference as Dortmund’s win over Real Madrid means we can’t top the group, even if we beat them in the next game – which will be in flipping March! Also, I can’t see a second placed team on 9 points being one of the two best runners up, so it’s all Hamilton really.

Never mind, back to the league against 3rd placed Stuttgart. I’ve heard this Belgian boy Martens is a bit of a goal machine. Someone to keep an eye on.

Playing this guy in defence was probably a mistake. I know he’s the Lothar regen but he’s definitely not ready for action yet.

A bit better against the Kaisers but we can’t seem to string a decent run together. We seem to go behind too easily and make hard work of getting back onto the game.

This guy arrives from Bayern to add some steal to the defence. Our options are limited so I hope he can perform.

Which he does, but goals are becoming sparse at the other end too. Not often you see David James keeping a clean sheet.

I decide to offload a few more frauds on to unsuspecting domestic teams. Passlack suffers from a lack of passing ability, and quite a few other attributes, whereas Mayer looked good but never really set the team alight.

As the big names won’t even look at me, I decide to bring in a potentially promising youngster.

Adding quality to the team is difficult. Here are the German players that have a Technique rating of 15 or more – 16 players!! Ok, yes, I did just sell one of them to Munich 7pm, but he never played well for me. On the plus side, most of those players are in their mid-30’s now so should regen soon.

Maybe this guy will help us out upfront? Although 2 goals in 18 matches isn’t exactly inspiring. Good job I scouted him via some grainy VHS tapes.

After the long winter break, we complete our Champions League group and it’s obvious where the problem lies – not a single shot on target. I give my second string strikers a chance to shine and they simply don’t know where the on button is.

Unsurprisingly, 6 points wasn’t enough to be one of the best group runners up. We finish above Real Madrid and are still out. It makes no real sense.

Even if we had qualified, it would make no difference, our form is sliding backwards anyway

Although we almost take a famous win against Bayern, until Elber Dudd messes things up for us

Then it’s Papins regens turn to eff things up for us, give me strength.

We’re really missing the input of this guy. His broken leg is taking longer to heal so I expect him to retire at the end of the season

At least Norbert knows where the goal is

We have our revenge on Bayern and Elber courtesy of young Mr Rose

We are so goddamn boring even when we’re winning

I won’t labour the point, but this has been a frustrating run of games. So, here we are with 9 league games left and 15 points behind Dortmund, who look to be running away with it again. Even sneaking back into the Champions League looks a long shot now.

Still, at least I still have the cup to look forward to and a date with non-league opposition.

In typical fashion, we make super hard work of it. I know I rested a few key players, but come on!

We’ll probably need a massive rub of the green, like the Hulk knocking one out, to get to the final, but where there’s hope, there may be glory. See you next week to round off season 4, cheers and gone.