Greetings to you, and welcome to the 2017/18 season. This is the season where I’ll get to grace European competition for the first time with Newcastle and will finish with the 2018 World Cup. It’s all very exciting – in fact, it’s too exciting for some. Here’s what I mean.

Italy have qualified at a canter, so therefore this makes perfect sense

The man who won Euro 2012 and 2016 is deemed no longer fit for purpose for Italy, which is just ridiculous. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, well, it can.

Phil Mulryne – Italy manager. I hope he wins the World Cup. Anyway, after going for so long with only me and Gerry Francis as managers, Darlington need yet another new boss. I’m pleased to say a very logical choice has been made as a club legend is welcomed back to Feethams

In the interest of completeness, Blackburn appoint David Platt.

Palace appoint some dude called Johnny Fitzgerald, who I don’t know, so let’s move on.

As a reward for winning the FA Cup I get to play in the Charity Shield, which is actually Mulryne’s last game in charge before Italy came calling.

Poor performance really from us on our 2nd trip to Wembley in a few months, it’ll be like a home away from home before long.

Another old pal of mine has moved into management

But the really big news comes from England HQ – they’ve also qualified for World Cup 2018 but there are rumblings…

Sure enough, the axe falls on the veteran Italian.

Obviously I really want the job, it’s the next and maybe final step in this save. Which makes it all the more annoying that they opt for this guy:

Who? Exactly. This guy doesn’t even have a wikipedia page so I assume he’s a re-gen, which is a real story killer. Arse. I mean, look at his achievements

Great. Well done Manuel. League placings?

Excitement levels for England fans must be off the chart. I’m livid. I hope he steps on a plug with no socks on.

Meanwhile, amidst all this stupidity we’ve reached the Cup Winners Cup last 8

That’s been the highlight of my season, as our league form has been bang average. Arsenal, under Kieron Dyer, lead the way from Bryan Robson’s Sheffield Wednesday. Haslam has some work to do at Darlington but his defence looks typically miserly.

Meanwhile at the bottom, Barnsley are not enjoying their first season in the top flight since 2000/01 whilst Man Utd and Liverpool continue to struggle in the bottom half.

That’s your lot for this update though, we’re about to cross into 2018 so I’ll tell you what that’s like when we speak again. Ta ta for now.

For more CM9798 check out my book on Amazon or the Brits Abroad series over on The Higher Tempo Press