Greetings and welcome back to the Retirement Home. We’ve started a new club, purely set up to give professional footballers one more shot at glory. With a strict recruitment policy of players aged 35 and over, we’re out to prove speed isn’t everything. So far, things are going quite well, but a spiralling wage bill looks like it could be an issue. Here’s how the table looks as we rejoin the action (or you can view part 1 here):
A home game with Macclesfield is proving a tough conundrum to unravel and any hopes of doing that seem to be scuppered when Viv Anderson is sent off on the stroke of half time. To be honest, playing a man down with healthy men is difficult but with this lot it’s borderline cruel. We’re 2-0 down and although Mick Quinn gets us back in it, there is to be no equaliser.
Mick Quinn is ruled out for a month in the aftermath. That’s a problem.
Oh, hello. Neville Southall’s sacking shouldn’t be news but as he was the player manager he’s now available for free. We’re in no position to financially but I’ve offered him a contract. Fingers crossed.
Back to winning ways against Barnet. Mark Chamberlain is looking useful.
Oh, Neville. I guess I can’t begrudge you that.
A third home game in a row sees a second home win. Imre Varadi is off the mark for the club and Mansfield’s comeback falls short.
We started the season at Sincil Bank and the Windscreen Shield sees us go there again. A largely changed lineup runs out 4-0 winners. Varadi even blazes a penalty over the bar but it makes no difference.
Jan Molby is another one of the player-manager brigade who, if he ever loses his job, I’ll be right there to offer a job to. He gives his side the lead but Chamberlain keeps his cool to earn a point in Wales.
Kerry Dixon’s success has been one of the bigger surprises of this save for me. He adds two more to his tally to earn a valuable point in Rotherham with the Chuckle Brothers watching on.
He’s at it again three days later, along with Brian Marwood. Cambridge have a series of very talented youngsters and 17 year old Tom Youngs is less than half the age of several of our team. Experience wins out.
We’re off to Villa in the League Cup and the impossible dream looks slightly more possible when Marwood gives us a 16th minute lead. That seems to spark Villa into life and we’re 4-1 down at half time. It finishes 5-2 and our creaking bones have one less midweek event to deal with.
We’re off to the seaside next and, never one to miss a drinking opportunity, Quinn returns to fitness just in time. He scores twice to seal an impressive away win and ensures a very drunken coach ride home.
More windscreen shield action and the most dangerous front two I’ve ever worked with score three in 18 minutes. We’re through but who really cares. Actually, is there any money in this? We need it.
Marine away certainly won’t earn us much dollar but if we can get to the third round then we might draw somebody who will earn us a pretty penny. We win easily but it costs us the services of Kerry Dixon for a few weeks.
Mark Chamberlain is a very able deputy. His first half hat-trick is subsidised by a Quinny double and Leyton Orient can’t deal with our experience. Remarkable.
Brighton are the next visitors to the Bungalow and they are brushed aside.
Four days later, rinse and repeat. I’ve had young teams far less prolific than this.
We’re 2-0 down at Scunthorpe and it looks like the party is about to be stopped. Nope. Micky Quinn, soon to be a sir, scores a late double before celebrating with about 10 doubles. Superhuman.
More Windscreen Shield fun as Grimsby provide the opposition. Another win for us though and hopefully more valuable prize money to come.
Wigan are high flying in Division 2 so our chances of money-spinning 3rd round tie seem to be slim. Those chances get even thinner when Roberto “everything is a wingback” Martinez gives the visitors the lead but substitute Kerry Dixon equalises and we get to go to Wigan in 10 days for the replay. Mick Quinn likes this.
The carrot? A trip to Goodison Park. Shane O-Mac is ready.
Back to business though and Quinn and Marwood ease us past Notts County. Ronnie Wallwork is dismissed early on which makes our afternoon a lot more routine.
Off to Wigan we go then and then battering doesn’t really transpire. Extra time is the last thing we want, not only for our league form but frankly it could kill us. Quinn breaks the deadlock which lasts an entire minute before future Belgium assistant manager Jones equalises. Kerry Dixon scores an unlikely winner and I’m running out of superlatives for these old badgers.
Lincoln must hate us. We’re half way through the season so they make the trip to the Bungalow only to get their third beating of the season. Nice.
We’ll end this update with a trip to Rochdale. Where else? For once Mick Quinn nor Kerry Dixon score but Kevin Drinkell does to ensure we’re in the automatic places with an 8 point cushion back to 4th.
So far, so good.
I refuse to get carried away because all logic suggests this should be harder than it has been so far. These old lads are playing twice a week and their stats will likely be decreasing by the minute. Imagine how many will retire in the summer? The debt stands at £652k. There is of course a worry the board will sack me based on that but hopefully we can earn some prize money somewhere. Either way, I’m intrigued to see how this pans out so please join me next week to see if the wheels come off. Bye for now.