Hello and welcome to the end of season 4 here at the Retirement Home. Things have rarely been bleaker for me as a manager. We’ve scored 15 goals in 30 games as our veterans have ran out of legs. It’s fair to say we’re finding a second season at First Division level extremely tough and we need to make up 9, realistically 10, points in 16 games to stay up.

Still, at least we’re in the FA Cup eh? We come from 2-0 down to earn a replay with Walsall, if one can really “earn” a trip to Walsall.

Ah good, Glynn Snodin snaps a leg in a typically low contact training session. Ouch.

Back to the league and if we are going to work miracles, it needs to happen soon. A 2-0 defeat at WBA does nothing to suggest it is imminent.

We’re apparently desperate to stay in the FA Cup, coming back from 1-0 and 2-1 down but then silly old Alan Knill gets sent off. Roger Boli and Michael Ricketts score late goals to spare us extra time.

Derby are the runaway leaders and naturally we barely lay a glove on them. Great.

Finally things are looking up as Cascarino gives us the lead at Plymouth. Backs against the wall doesn’t begin to cover it and we eventually wilt. An away point will have to do.

A home game with Barnsley might have been an opportunity to build on that but my squad…what are you doing? We have no holdings midfielders and everybody knows our defence needs protecting.

We lose 1-0. I think the biggest surprise is that Barnsley have put up with Georgi Hristov for this long.

Wrexham have Jimmy Hasselbaink which hardly seems fair. He scores and we continue to see our hopes fade until Ned equalises. A point will do.

Walsall again, I am rather sick of them and I imagine Roger Boli has about 20 goals this season just from playing us. He scores on the stroke of half time and we look set for yet another defeat until Voro forces home from a corner. Woo and yay.

That takes us into the game at Swindon. 21st placed Swindon who hold an 11 point lead over us. We have to win, there’s no compromise here. Thankfully we actually do and the dream is just about alive.

8 (effectively 9) points to go.

Bolton are only marginally better off and once they go a goal up I assume we’re done. But we’re not. Ratboy equalises, Ned puts us in front and Casc seals it late on. Momentum!

I’ve been playing this system which has brought us some points and I’ll probably stick with it for the time being.

The lads are buzzing but we stick teletext on back in the dressing room and…oh man. Swindon.

Stupid Reading. John Dreyer slips over in the bath and breaks his pelvis.

Ian McPhee has been sacked by Clyde so…he’s available. We need numbers so he is the least inspiring deadline day signing ever.

A point from Stockport probably isn’t enough.

A loss at QPR definitely isn’t enough – that crowd is a bit low. You’d think they’d want to see Arce.

A home game with Forest is another chance to close the gap but we trail twice. We are fighting to be fair to us and Pani steals a point. A long way to go.

I’m rolling out this at the moment:

It earns us an impressive win at Charlton, Cascarino’s early header doing the damage.

Big Tony is at it again just 5 days later, Ray Wilkins’ Birmingham are relegated and we’re slowly clawing back that gap.

Thanks for coming Ian, enjoy Kilmarnock.

Brentford away and I just want to nick a point. If we can keep ourselves in with a chance anything can happen. Drinkell is in to bolster the midfield, as much as a 43 year old can bolster anything.

It very nearly works but I’ll take the point.

Goal difference is all that is keeping us in the drop zone. We finish at 4th placed Bradford so a home game with 17th placed Portsmouth looks like our last chance.

We’re actually good. We have more chances than they do and we take the lead. This could be our time…then we concede a late leveller and all eyes shift to the County Ground where we need a favour.

We don’t get it.

For some reason, Swindon play their last game against Chelsea and lose, so we can survive if we win at Bradford on the final day. The tallest of orders.

We are being battered. Bradford play direct and keep coming at us. Knill goes off with an injury. We’re hanging in and Ratboy also departs holding a hamstring. It’s somehow still 0-0 and we’ve got 10 minutes to find a goal and the subs are on. Big Dave Watson is up front with Kelly and Casc, get it in the mixer. A couple of corners are cleared…it’s over.

Balls.

That’s not enough money.

Confirmation of our demise.

On the one hand, bloody hell we gave that a good go. I’ve had to dig deep into my tactical bag to try and pull this off and I think that Portsmouth draw has scuppered us.

That and a chronic lack of goals.

…and good players.

No awards for us but all eyes turn to the retirements.

Bakero finally gives into his dodgy back. He hasn’t played for 2 years.

I won’t miss Albert Craig.

Or Steve Clarke.

Glynn Snodin has been released, he has a broken leg and aged 41, I assumed he would retire. He hasn’t so I can always bring him back if we’re short.

Life in Division 2 beckons but do I want to go through this all again? We have no goals in the team and the debt stands at £1.7m. Have we got enough in the tank to get out of Division 2?

I’m going to sign off now and have a think about whether to continue in the new year. I most probably will, help is on the way…

Thanks for all your interactions with the Retirement Home these past few months, it’s been fantastic and hopefully I can convince myself to load it up again and have a go at restoring some pride. Toodles for now.