Greetings! Don’t mind that smell, it’s just the Retirement Home. The old lads sit just above the Division 1 relegation zone as I once again try and kid myself that if we just stay up, next year we’ll be better. We’ve started to get some reasonable squad members in now, the likes of Poyet and Stimac could do a job for teams far better than us. So, what does the middle part of the season hold for us?

If this trip to the Valley is anything to go by, it’s going to be one miserable winter. We barely manage a shot in this thorough humping.

Coventry are at least in the upper reaches of the table so a 1-0 home defeat feels like a small success. Fair play to Moldovan, he’s only a few years from a testimonial.

Swindon are right down there with us and really we have to win these sorts of games. Thankfully Pani gets his one goal for the quarter and Chamberlain seals the win late on. Huzzah!

The Micker is back from his lengthy lay off and his first act is to score what proves to be the winner at Carlisle. Our record at Carlisle has been woeful so this is a welcome result.

He’s at it again at home to Barnsley, proving once and for all that being pissed is the best form of attack.

A home defeat to Stockport denies us four wins on the spin, a feat we may never come close to replicating ever again.

We do at least lead at Hull before it all goes wrong. Poyet needs to do that more often for my hatred of him to die down.

A totally rank performance sees Bradford smash us to pieces. I think we need to do something…

I’m playing the Jarni card. I don’t need yet another non-EU but he’s comfortably better than pretty much everyone who has ever played for us.

He doesn’t sign in time to face Bristol Rovers but he’s asked for £700 a week. Bargain! Bristol Rovers destroy us.

Jarni’s straight in the team for the visit of Preston and he scores our 2nd equaliser before providing the perfect corner for our third. A perfect day is ruined by Andy Booth. Still, something to build on.

Songo’o has been brilliant and I’m not saying Dave Seaman will be any better but if it frees up a non-EU slot then it’s got to be worth an effort. He costs me £40k.

He’s actually say on the bench for Walsall before he can sign for us but just as it looks like the Micker has stolen a point we go behind again. I wish we were better.

Wrexham away though and we lead twice only for the home side to peg us back. Jarni is now playing central midfield because I want his skills to be involved as much as possible.

We have no reply to top of the table Huddersfield, who get better when Chris Wreh gets sent off. Fancy that.

Wimbledon bludgeon us with their direct style. Even with Brian Little as their manager.

We won at Plymouth earlier in the season. Remember that? We manage to equalise twice again but it’s not enough for a win. Even up against 10 men for 38 minutes, it’s poor really. Happy boxing day.

Pompey away is a long old trek for an FA Cup tie and it’s even longer for a 0-0 draw. Still, a clean sheet is something to be positive about.

A clean sheet with a single goal from the Micker is even better. We leave Brentford with all the points as 2004 is very kind to us.

A new signing too! It’s Gary Owers and he’s typically terrible, but he’s got an EU passport so immediately becomes a viable option.

2004 continues to delight as that water tight defence of ours keeps out Pompey again, this time in the replay. The Micker is at it again and it sets up a round 4 tie with Huddersfield. Incidentally I gave a debut to Boateng, the goalkeeper, in an attempt to cram in more of my non-EU playmakers. It wasn’t a disaster for once.

Our good run continues as despite being breached for the first time this year, Dave Watson sweeps home the winner from yet another Jarni set piece. Watson is 42. QPR have a 35 year old Le Tissier who I spend the second half trying to convince him to retire with us. We could have fun together, Matt.

On those chilling words let’s take a look at the league table. It looks a lot nicer than it did before the year turned and thankfully Division 1 also applies the “goals scored are more important than goal difference” philosophy we can all get behind.

Jarni has been a big help, even if playing him centre midfield is probably harming his average rating he’s involved in the game more. If Boateng, Seaman and Southall can step up and perform like Songo’o does between them then we might be ok. Join me next week to see if we can survive and then hopefully we can spend some of the £2m burning a hole in our collective pockets. At least we’re not in debt.