Off Kilter – Season 3: Episode 1 | @PeterJonesPhoto

Back to Alloa, where Peter has the unenviable task of preparing Alloa for life in Scottish Division 1 amidst a backdrop of his best players being picked off (and Pat Nevin retiring)

“I looked up: Black against a Gold – five goals. And I wrote this in the stands of Recreation Park.” Not sure if Norman McCaig was an Alloa fan, but if he was, his pencil would be been scratching those very words in his notebook.

Back for a tilt at Division 1 and I’m expecting this to be a little trickier. We’ve sailed through the bottom two divisions without a hiccup. But with added European fixtures, this should be an interesting season.

First up, sentimentality is out of the window and a bit of summer admin is needed. So long to these chaps. Little has been phenomenal but I’m fed up of him requesting to leave every five minutes so it’s good to cash in.

James has all been moaning at me, wanting to leave and I have enough youth players peaking their beaks through the 1st team shell, so on your way lad. Let’s see what the ‘Loom of Fate’ has predicted for you at Kilmarnock.

Amazingly, we entice Brebs back for another season on loan. He won’t sign permanently but must still think he can break into the Man Utd team when he goes back.

In comes this defence lad. Good tacking and heading and only 18 too! We’ve added a few free transfers in. One being Brian McClairs regen…I think.

Straight into bat, and we’re in the Inter Toto Cup qualifying for the UEFA proper. Off to Lithuania for a late July match and a relax by the pool. Billy Spence scores a double.

A week later and Kaunas do themselves no favour and we qualify for the UEFA cup proper. Nice job, boys!

The Italian forebears of Scottish sporting talent are pushing Alloa to new heights as Agostino did enough last year to get a regular start in the team. Another team in blue is set aside.

Another Man Utd loanee comes in. Obviously all keen to work with Alex Ferguson but return home with the bitter taste of disappointment on their tongues.

The UEFA cup waits for no Scottish man and we’re back in the thick of it. We steer clear of Grandmas perogies Pogon Szczecian bought over from Poland and Taylor gets a double.

Are we not playing the league this year?? Another Taylor double and we have more games to play.

Another freebie comes in and it’s straight onto the loan market. Looks pretty good!

Another cup match??? I’m playing the youth team to give them some exposure for the hungry loan scouts. I’m not bothered about the loss. More important things to think about.

Finally, in only our 7th match of the season, we play a 2nd league game. Last years regulars put aside Motherwell. Mother-ill more like…I’ll get my kilt.

The Pogo(n) Sticks are bouncing around the ground but our space hopers are a match. Onwards to the next round.

Yet another cup match and I play the youth again as this our 3rd match in 6 days. Couldn’t we get a bye? Cusack sets us back by naming his top 5 goals ever. However, Walker gets his first and Lauchlan tries his best to the Ferguson’s eye. Almost immediately, Premier League Dundee United come in for him so hopefully the Loneliness of Long-Distance Loanee won’t be too troublesome.

A league match? Is that what happens here? Our scoring lines up sounding like a Mediterranean suit maker.

Greig decides to get himself some new threads. Adamczuk didn’t bring Seal with him so we manage to nick all 3 points.

Helen deploys her Cabriolet Samba to run down Mackay. Stirling tries to slash her tyres, but the ref deems it’s a 2nd yellow card offence and we settle for a point.

Our Cows have come home to roost. The boys decided to take the week off more seriously and never show up.

Perhaps wisely, with 2 mid week matches, they wanted a good rest. Belgrade beckons and we get 4 aways goals. A leaky defence means it’s all to play for in leg 2.

Straight from the tarmac and it’s bloody rangers again. They do a Wolves against Sheff Wed against us. We don’t have a calm head in the shape of John De Wolffe.

Lauchlan’s loan is over with a bad break. Back to the icy cold arms of your saviour, Marty.

The FA finally start taking our calls and we’re kindly given an extra day to rest and it just about benefits us. Allan sends in a swinger but MacKay sends it back over the boundary and into the confectionery stalls.

The final game of this update and Lewis is despatched easily. I rest the payers as much as possible in the 2nd half and we have a nice afternoon out in the September sunshine.

Amazingly, we’ve play 17 matches so far, and less than half of them were in the league! I bring in this young lad for 775k for midfield reinforcement.

We’re top but with an extra long season, I’m not sure how long this form will last.

Och aye for now.

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