CM9798 Retirement Home – Part 34: Going Loko

Well good day to you. The Retirement Home haven’t exactly bounced back with style following their Premier League relegation. In fact, they sit just two points above the dropzone. Let’s just try and stay up and worry about getting back into the big time in the future.

Div 1 table Jan S11

Firstly though there’s the small matter of an FA Cup 4th round tie. We haven’t been beyond the fourth round in our whole miserable existence but today is the day thanks to Christophe Dugarry.

Stockport away FA Cup

Back to reality though with a 3-0 home crushing by Fulham.

fulham home s11

Hold on a bloody minute, what is this? Lopez finally performs and leads us to victory over Brighton. We might be ok after all!

brighton away S11

Our first ever FA Cup 5th round tie is at Premier League leaders Anfield. That hardly seems fair. We hold our own for 62 minutes but eventually fall to defeat. Oh well.

Liverpool FA Cup

Confirmation of our miserable cup record.

FA Cup record

Kidderminster have given us some beatings over the years and look set to do it all again but Dungey finally earns his corn with a late penalty save.

Kidderminster home S11

That’s followed up by Pier climbing off the bench to steal a point off Cambridge. We’re getting there.

CAmbridge away S11

Lopez gives us the lead against Barnsley before Onopko sees red and we have to dig in big time in the second half. We do it though for a big three points.

barnsley home S11

A disappointing home game with Burnley piles the pressure back on us. Where do we go from here?

burnley home S11

We’ve got an injury crisis in midfield. Desperation has lead to Regi Blinker having to play in central midfield and coincidentally or not, he scores and assists in an away win over Ipswich. A huge win.

Ipswich away S11

That’s followed up with a home draw to third place Walsall. All hail Regi.

Walsall home S11

Transfer deadline day sees us finally land Patrice Loko for £50k. Obviously, he’s past his best but I’m sure he can still do a job.

LOko signs

Patrik Berger also arrives. He’s out of form but he’s another option.

BErger signs

Both debut at Port Vale where we nearly hold on for all three points. It’s another point towards safety though.

PV away S11

Villa have flown up the table since our first meeting so it’s not too surprising when they beat us although we do keep it tight for a long time.

Villa home S11

Millwall manage to get their goalkeeper sent off after just 8 minutes and there’s our opportunity. Lopez converts the penalty and nothing else happens. Lovely stuff.

millwall away S11

It’s always cruel on bank holidays when the old lads have to play Saturday-Monday. Thankfully we won Saturday so there’s no pressure on Monday, which is handy as it’s a home clash with soon-to-be-champions Hull. They win 1-0.

hull home S11

Bristol Rovers are 2nd, it’s a cruel week. They win and we barely get in their box.

bristol roverrs away s11

Going Loko! Old Patrice gets us level against relegation rivals Carlisle before Lopez wins the day. That should be us safe, with two games to go.

carlisle home S11 league

A narrow defeat at QPR doesn’t really dampen my spirits.

QPR away S11

A final day home defeat to Southampton is poor but I don’t really care. It’s over.

southampton home S11

SAFE. The optimist in means says we were closer to 13th than relegation. That’s what we’ll go with.

Div 1 table final S11

Those attacking average ratings are disgusting. So poor. Having said that, Pier has 16 goals so what’s more important, that or the average rating?

average ratings S11Goals S11

No awards for anybody at the Retirement Home.

awards s11

Just time to get through the retirements. For once I actually hope there are lots.

Shaka is first to go. Good.

shaka retires

Aguilera was basically never used. He won’t be missed.

aguilera retires

Rombi, another bit-part player. Good day to you.

rombi retires

Flitcroft was useless whenever he played despite being relatively young. I’m pleased he’s gone.

flitcroft retires

Oooh not Viktor! This one stings a bit but he was making more and more mistakes.

Onopko retires

In addition to that Cuaremsa has left on a free – and bizarrely been signed by Aviles. He’s 41 man.

We’ll be getting stuck into the transfer market to try and bring in some more successful players. You know, ones who might help our situation. I won’t hold my breath. We’ve got some big earners who I regret signing on. Munoz Carlos will soon be 47 and earns £17k a week. Releasing him will cost a fortune but so will keeping him so it’s a tough choice. The accountants will work that one out, we’re losing money hand over fist. Anyway, these all sound like problems for next week. Do join me for the start of season 12, things can only improve, right?

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