Off Kilter Season 5 – Episode 1 | @PeterJonesPhoto

Here’s Peter Jones to start our gentle glide towards the weekend. Alloa enjoyed a reasonable first season in the Scottish Premier League, can they back it up with a good start to season 5?

“Down the lane and toward the Rec / Where the mud is a deep as your boots / Cross the white line and the ball you’ll collect / Run to the box; eyeball the keeper and shoot.” Old Scottish Sporting Proverb.

Coming back to the office after a sojourn in the Shetlands, and I can see the vestige of building work taking place at the Rec. The board are no where to be seen but amid my stuffed pigeonhole, there’s a note from the suits.

Bloody hell. Best take these bids seriously then. Matthews is the first one to go. He’s been good but £2.2m is nothing to be sniffed at. He never made the international grade either so I’m not too disappointed.

At least we have our rising midfield star who won’t aban… Bloody big club release clauses! 31 years of supporting the Molinieux men and they show no faith.

There’s no one really I can see in the transfer market that’s worth spending anything on. Well, there are, but they don’t want to join. Some more freebies and a golden oldy of Gary McAllister who just won’t retire so can nab the regen. He’s free and only wants £1k a week. There are more younsters who were on loan last season who need to step up.

More good news follows.

Onwards to the season and Aberdeen have cleaned up their act. Dud gets a brace to silence the “Dud by name, Dud by nature” chants.

The Cows are back and Glennie, who was on loan all last season, makes his mark. Unbeknownst to us all, the mighty ‘beath were promoted to the Prem so we’ll be seeing more of them later. At least Ian Crook has retired.

Dyson sucks all the preseason joy out of the team in the 1st half. Fortunately, the Bunnymen distract the Green Men about how Mark Owen’s debut album wasn’t as bad as the collective recall. Especially he remixed “I Am What I Am” which was released as a single. Although the home-recording-tours-highlights video is a bit cliqued.

Remember McCaffery?? He’s one of our last originals and comes on for the injured Bazzer. Two goals say “Look at me, boss! I can football!”

Another piece of business done and Taylor is dispatched. He never really made the grade either. Do I like that!

Kilmarnock are nicely dispatched and there’s hope our front two are getting their act together.

Brady, another one of our originals, is still going strong, although he does pipe up a every now and then to moan about going to a bigger club.

And so, our European adventure begins. We’re all packed, passports at the ready, anti-sickness tablets for plane in our hand luggage…and we’re told we’re off to Dundee. We may as well just have sent UEFA a report of the last 90 minutes. They wouldn’t’ve noticed the difference.

Cairns decides to disappoint for the first time in 4 years and the ‘Muir spit out an Invective in response. Thomo gets his chance in the rotation and we carry on our rich vein of form.

Our forward-looking line are really clicking and we grab another 3 points.

Celtic blunt our charge, but I can’t really complain. Their keeper gets MOTM and we keep a clean sheet.

Re-record not fade away as the Scotch skeleton used to say and we get another highflying draw.

Glennie is catching the eye and an uneventful draw sees us through to the next round.

Without Pete, Dud is enjoying his Hollywood period with another brace. Things are clicking although everyone is still miserable. Not even the promise of a visit from Bo Derek can cheer them up.

The Cow’s are back in our lives again and they cause trouble in between milking sessions. Bazzer gets his first goal for nearly 2 years and we make our way through the Stormy Weather.

Sounding like an outtake for The Chase, we’re off to Austria for a 2-2 draw. Bazzer hits another brace but we can’t make our extra man count. Back to Key Stage 3 for him…

Another two game mid-week fixture mess up sees the rotation back in force. Thompson takes his backup role well and we make another 2nd half turn around to reach the final.

It’ll be interesting to see who we…oh.

Aberdeen are no match and we show no Mercer. The crowd show the board that £1.4m was money well spent…

Celtic are struggling in 4th and a clean 1st half sees the match over. Tightening up the defence in the 2nd half sees an excellent result.

Bloody cheek! We’re above them in the league!

A game of Wacker Mole (that was a better joke) and all hell breaks loose. Gary shows his experience but is knackered by the 2nd half. We’re 6-2 up and switch off to make our away goal advantage almost disappear before our eyes. At least we’re further than we were before!

We’re looking pretty in 2nd place. Celtic are having a terrible start to the season which makes the last headline even more insulting. More pleasing is that the Cows are sinking, the barn is leaking and the farmer’s wife is nowhere to be seen after taking all the best china.

Och aye for now!

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