Off Kilter – Season 5: Episode 2 | @PeterJonesPhoto

The end of the week is getting closer. Here’s Peter to guide you through Thursday morning with a trip to Alloa

” ‘Sancho to Man U’ Goldbridge sings / But that’s just speculation, Mark / The only joy that heaven brings / Are goals at Recreation Park” ā€“ Modern Alloa Proverb.

Ploughing our Scottish furrow and we’re unbeaten so far, although half of our matches have been cup competitions with the league taking a back seat. No doubt the FA has some weeze up it’s sleeve to dispatch our way.

Hibs are still writhing from our Mark Owen lecture of matches previous, so we slot three past them but not before they take out one of our wingers.

All hell breaks loose and it’s 2-2 after only 11 minutes. The story of this season shows that goals aren’t hard to come by, it’s only our shaky defence that’s letting the side down.

The Swedes are our guests. The locals pile on the flatpack jokes and they’re already down to 10 men after 11 minutes. We concede an away goal but Brennan doesn’t need the instructions and that annoying tiny allen key to find the net.

That’s very kind of them.

Dundee are charging hard behind us so it’s no surprise that they employ the Boadicea move and slash down two of our men before grabbing the equaliser. Arthur is out for 6 months!

Ravaged by injuries, we manage 118 minutes keeping it tight. Dundee wound us up so we return the favour to Celtic. They don’t appreciate the gesture and we loose the final by the odd goal.

My ego bounces back quickly as both subs score. “Are you Turking the p***?” the crowd chants at full time.

Our epic European adventure writes anther chapter and we grab a first half away goal. It’s a drab early winter’s 2nd half but we’re happy with that.

In the preliminary FA Cup matches, one battle caught my eye. How more nostalgically Scottish can you get?

Rangers are our contestant menace in this career and we fall to our first defeat in the league. Happy Christmas folks!

We deploy the Boxing Day blues to Partick who are not enjoying the holiday period. Too many sprouts and Speckled Hens for the Thistles.

We round the year off with a victory as sweet as over sugared Soya milk.

A quick midfield signing who can actually pass the ball!

Aberdeen wreck our clean sheets with their dirty boots and greasy hair while Bazzer rescues a late point. Rangers are beginning to pull clear so it might be a case of consolidating 2nd place.

Celtic are getting back on track and Emile is returning to his goalscoring form. A pretty even match reflecting in the result.

However, the best news is saved as late New Year’s present. He’s back! This time, he’s back for good. We’ll be dancing in the rain for some time yet!

The Green Men return for more punishment and we aren’t in the mood for sob stories.

Lewis is back with his 1st Division boys and we are extremely profligate in front of goal. 28 shots. 28!!!!! 30 minutes with an extra man and we make no headway.

A least we get one in the net!

We certainly know how to be terrible when the need comes. Another 25 shots. That means in two matches we had 53 opportunities and we only scored 3. That’s a 6% scoring tally. Good work, boys!

The moral that some of the squad are carry around it awful. Mainly the older boys who think they’re better off elsewhere. The newbies are loving life and are working hard to get the points in.

We’ll leave it there before they crack out the Elliott Smith CD’s. We’ve broken away from the chasing pack but the strain of keeping up with Rangers is showing.

Och aye for now!

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